I understand the question completely :-(. I thought about asking the same thing myself many times but then opted to "google" as someone else suggested. I guess some of us over think things and make it harder than it should be, (which was my case). Here is some clarification from another newbie: When I first started and all the apps asked for sample narrative, I didn't have a clue how to start. After some googling, I came up with some ideas of my own to write up narrative samples for applications and also came up with my own style of writing narrative on my reports. I am still learning but the biggest thing I have learned is "at least 3 good descriptive sentences" of some or all of the visit. As someone mentioned above, smiled is not enough, smiled warmly, greeted me enthusiastically and sincerely, was distracted by the talking, joking, horse play of another employee... etc, etc. etc. When I started though, I thought EVERY narrative had to be detailed, perfect and in a business letter format. THAT is why someone "might" ask for examples. Just an all around example would be very helpful to newbies.

It would be awesome if all the companies included an example of what they wanted, I totally agree with that.

I am fortunate enough to get to shop the same company in my home town and surrounding cities monthly, it is challenging to come up with different narrative each and every time, BUT worth it.

I, too, wanted to ask that question when I started. But I figured it might be harder to change out words to make the report mine. I decided to write what happened and learned to choose descriptive words. I do know I was a bit long winded in the beginning. Although I keep copies of my reports, I never go back and look at them. For me it's just easier to write based on each specific situation and they are thus always original. The narratives were intimidating at first, but stating the facts is what the MSCs are looking for, while using excellent grammar and punctuation. There is a learning curve that you will quickly overcome as you do more and more shops. Although we mystery shop, your narrative should never be a mystery.

I have a number of narratives saved in MS Word that I only use when I am applying with a new company that want a sample of my writing. It is safer and quicker to use a saved narrative that has been spell checked and proof read to death. At least I know I have given them a sample that has no spelling errors and it makes sense.

It is not safe to use previously saved narrative for a new report because the MSC's editors will usually spot that so fast and it might get you dropped from their company.

What pisses me off is when an editor informs me that they had to modify my report as I had a few spelling errors and a sentence structure they had to fix. I would love to see their 'corrections'. I took business English/Writing in college, I use two different spell checkers and the thesaurus and I proof read at least 3 times for every narrative I write. It also amazes me to see the spelling and grammar in some of the emails we get from schedulers and editors. We also can't forget about the spelling and grammar in the guidelines some of the MSC's send us.

My first thought was copying someone's homework too. And I don't feel bad about it either, the person appears new to the forum and the way it was worded were the things that made me think that. We've all seen the "what are the best companies to work for?" posts. To me this looked similar.

Just one caution. If you use someone else's sample narrative, be sure to proofread it and be sure the spelling, grammar, and sentence structure is correct.

Is there an editor available to give us example of everything wrong with the sample narrative from SOLDBYAPRIL and how much work it would take them to correct it or would it just be returned to the shopper for a rewrite?

LisaSTL Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is there an editor available to give us example of
> everything wrong with the sample narrative from
> SOLDBYAPRIL and how much work it would take them
> to correct it or would it just be returned to the
> shopper for a rewrite?


I was stumped here
>We placed the order for order placed our order, and Synthia repeated our order

I am a relatively new shopper, (less than a year of part time shopping) and I remember what my first few assignments were like, not having a clue about what I was doing. April's piece would have really helped me then. I have taken it and highlighted, by placing quotes (it was the easiest thing I could think of) around the things MSCs are looking for, service, upselling, suggestive selling, management presence, etc. It is even helpful for other kinds of shops because it shows the level of detail we need to be observing. We've all seen some samples from editors showing how poor some submissions are. New shoppers honestly don't know. April's sample would also be helpful in discouraging someone who may have had no idea what an evaluation was supposed to look like, errors aside.

SOLDBYAPRIL Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>
> I called the restaurant to clarify where they were
> located and hours of operation. Tiffany answered
> the phone before "on the second ring." "She provided
> me with the name and the location of the
> restaurant in her greeting." I asked about the
> hours, and she answered my questions "friendly and
> professionally". She said that they were open until
> 11:00 that night. She "asked could she set up
> reservations."
> Taylor "opened the door" for us as we approached.
>" We were greeted" as we walked into the restaurant
> and approached the hostess desk, by Gary. He
> asked how many were in our party. I said there
> were two. He showed us to our table and "pulled
> out the chairs for us to be seated." Gary "placed
> the menus" down in front of us before we sat down.
> He poured water in our glass and said that our
> server would be with us shortly.
> Synthia arrived and greeted us. She "mentioned a
> few featured items." "She suggested a couple of
> starters" and then asked if we needed a couple
> minutes to look over the menu. When we said yes,
> she asked if we would like order our drinks.
> Synthia "made a few suggestions" from the list of
> wines. We then placed our drink orders. She
> reassured the time we would be back with our
> drinks.
> Synthia brought our drinks shortly after and then
> "asked if she could start us out with an appetizer."
> She "described the Seafood Gumbo and the Grilled
> Filet of Salmon Florentine." We placed the order
> for order placed our order, and Synthia "repeated
> our order" before leaving and assured us of the
> time our appetizer would be out.
> Synthia "delivered our appetizers in a timely
> manner." She also "refilled our water and engaged
> in conversation." She "asked if we needed anything"
> else and left the table. She "checked on us" to
> make sure the appetizer meet our expectations and
> assured us of the time our entrée would be out.
> Synthia "delivered our entrées were as we were
> finishing the appetizer." They were correct, and
> she "quickly checked back" to make sure we had
> everything we needed. After that, she did stopped
> to "check on us, and made sure our beverages and
> water was full."
> Synthia brought a display of assortment of
> desserts. "She asked if we were interested in
> dessert." She described each one and "suggested her
> favorite." We ordered dessert and Synthia asked "if
> we would like coffee" with our dessert
> Synthia quickly brought the coffee and dessert,
> with two spoons. "She also presented the check" at
> that time. She "told us to take our time" and that
> he would get it when we were ready. After Synthia
> picked up our payment, she "promptly processed" it.
> She brought the receipts and "thanked us" for
> visiting. Synthia was "polite and professional"ly.
>
> We saw the "manager walk through the restaurant
> consistently" during our meal. He briefly "stopped
> by our table and asked how we were." The manager
> then continued on to other tables in our area. "He
> seemed professional, but not very personable."
> "The Spinach and Crab Dip was delivered in a baked
> bread bowl. It was hot, as expected. The dip was
> creamy and cheesy, and it included large, tasty
> pieces of crab.
> The Grilled Salmon was slightly crisp on the
> outside and silky inside. It was delicious. A
> delicious sauce was placed around the edge of the
> plate and when mixed with the vegetables and the
> fish, made for an excellent dish."
>
>

SOLDBYAPRIL Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The people here can be idiots...... I learned that
> early on.


Ouch. Starting a post like this won't win you any friends, April. You've told us what you've learned here and you are free to post whatever help you want as long as it doesn't break an ICA or the rules of the forum. Please understand that we're all human and doing the best we can with what we've got.

To further help mnevins and yourself, I suggest you turn your focus towards reviewing your grammar lessons. Your sample letter provides some good detail but there are many too errors in it.

<"many too errors" in it>

Yep, just doing the best we can....

Have a good day, April and best of luck with the narratives mnevins.

I appreciate when a company includes a sample. What could be better than that? But sometimes, it would be nice to see how other typical shoppers word situations, craft a report and the like.

Thanks for asking the question!

Does anyone think it would be a good idea for me to clean up April's sample and post it as a sticky in the new shopper's section?

I agree with LisaSTL. There was no offence. It's totally overrated and over discussed. And though I know that every company wants it differently, the idea of having sample narrative/s, or just sentences or even word's composition is not that bad. I read several books on MS and they always have those samples. Really helpful. As for mnevins response to saacman5033 comment - totally overreacted. To the point: are you serious, dude?

Roxie, in my opinion, no, it would not be a good idea to spend time working on the sample. One narrative does not fit all situations and may not fit any situation. It would be better for shoppers to study guidelines and samples provided by the various MSCs and construct their own narratives accordingly. It was thoughtful and caring of SOLDBYAPRIL to make her narrative available and although it may provide what one MSC wants for one food shop, it will not be applicable to all jobs. The best source of guidance for details in the narrative is still the MSC.

This would have helped me too as a new shopper. I turned to this forum to help me when I for started but quickly found out it was too many people that just log on with too much time. Instead of helping the best advise that they provided....... was find out for yourself. I make it my business to help if someone needs help even if will piss the idiots out. They normally speak up and show out with long "anal"ytical post. I enjoy pissing them off when I can. I wish I had the time and patience to read all the long replies. Don't let them discourage you and help someone when you can as well.

So essentially you want a short cut.


Roxie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am a relatively new shopper, (less than a year
> of part time shopping) and I remember what my
> first few assignments were like, not having a clue
> about what I was doing. April's piece would have
> really helped me then. I have taken it and
> highlighted, by placing quotes (it was the easiest
> thing I could think of) around the things MSCs are
> looking for, service, upselling, suggestive
> selling, management presence, etc. It is even
> helpful for other kinds of shops because it shows
> the level of detail we need to be observing.
> We've all seen some samples from editors showing
> how poor some submissions are. New shoppers
> honestly don't know. April's sample would also be
> helpful in discouraging someone who may have had
> no idea what an evaluation was supposed to look
> like, errors aside.
>
> SOLDBYAPRIL Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > I called the restaurant to clarify where they
> were
> > located and hours of operation. Tiffany
> answered
> > the phone before "on the second ring." "She
> provided
> > me with the name and the location of the
> > restaurant in her greeting." I asked about the
> > hours, and she answered my questions "friendly
> and
> > professionally". She said that they were open
> until
> > 11:00 that night. She "asked could she set up
> > reservations."
> > Taylor "opened the door" for us as we
> approached.
> >" We were greeted" as we walked into the
> restaurant
> > and approached the hostess desk, by Gary. He
> > asked how many were in our party. I said there
> > were two. He showed us to our table and
> "pulled
> > out the chairs for us to be seated." Gary
> "placed
> > the menus" down in front of us before we sat
> down.
> > He poured water in our glass and said that our
> > server would be with us shortly.
> > Synthia arrived and greeted us. She "mentioned
> a
> > few featured items." "She suggested a couple of
> > starters" and then asked if we needed a couple
> > minutes to look over the menu. When we said
> yes,
> > she asked if we would like order our drinks.
> > Synthia "made a few suggestions" from the list
> of
> > wines. We then placed our drink orders. She
> > reassured the time we would be back with our
> > drinks.
> > Synthia brought our drinks shortly after and
> then
> > "asked if she could start us out with an
> appetizer."
> > She "described the Seafood Gumbo and the
> Grilled
> > Filet of Salmon Florentine." We placed the
> order
> > for order placed our order, and Synthia
> "repeated
> > our order" before leaving and assured us of the
> > time our appetizer would be out.
> > Synthia "delivered our appetizers in a timely
> > manner." She also "refilled our water and
> engaged
> > in conversation." She "asked if we needed
> anything"
> > else and left the table. She "checked on us"
> to
> > make sure the appetizer meet our expectations
> and
> > assured us of the time our entrée would be out.
>
> > Synthia "delivered our entrées were as we were
> > finishing the appetizer." They were correct,
> and
> > she "quickly checked back" to make sure we had
> > everything we needed. After that, she did
> stopped
> > to "check on us, and made sure our beverages
> and
> > water was full."
> > Synthia brought a display of assortment of
> > desserts. "She asked if we were interested in
> > dessert." She described each one and "suggested
> her
> > favorite." We ordered dessert and Synthia asked
> "if
> > we would like coffee" with our dessert
> > Synthia quickly brought the coffee and dessert,
> > with two spoons. "She also presented the check"
> at
> > that time. She "told us to take our time" and
> that
> > he would get it when we were ready. After
> Synthia
> > picked up our payment, she "promptly processed"
> it.
> > She brought the receipts and "thanked us" for
> > visiting. Synthia was "polite and
> professional"ly.
> >
> > We saw the "manager walk through the restaurant
> > consistently" during our meal. He briefly
> "stopped
> > by our table and asked how we were." The
> manager
> > then continued on to other tables in our area.
> "He
> > seemed professional, but not very personable."
> > "The Spinach and Crab Dip was delivered in a
> baked
> > bread bowl. It was hot, as expected. The dip
> was
> > creamy and cheesy, and it included large, tasty
> > pieces of crab.
> > The Grilled Salmon was slightly crisp on the
> > outside and silky inside. It was delicious. A
> > delicious sauce was placed around the edge of
> the
> > plate and when mixed with the vegetables and
> the
> > fish, made for an excellent dish."
> >
> >

First a disclaimer...I am not an editor for any MSC. I am, however, a published author and have edited several manuscripts. On this rainy Saturday morning, I decided to take Lisa's challenge about correcting April's sample. The corrections will be in bold print, comments on each paragraph will be in brackets [] following each paragraph...

I called the restaurant to clarify verify where they were located and hours of operation. Tiffany answered the phone before on the second ring. She provided me with the name and the location of the restaurant in her greeting. I asked about the hours, and she answered my questions friendly and professionally. She said that they were open until 11:00 that night. She asked could she if she could set up reservations.

[In terms of readability, clarify/verify is a possible toss-up but, based on my experiences, most editors would probably prefer verify. The second sentence is ambiguous...was the phone answered before the second ring or on the second ring; it can't be both. The last sentence, "She asked could she set up reservations," doesn't read well, my edit is somewhat better, but I think an editor would rewrite it to, "She asked if she could take our reservation."]

Taylor opened the door for us as we approached. We were greeted as we walked into the restaurant and approached the hostess desk, by Gary. He asked,"How many were in our party?" I said there were two. He showed us to our table and pulled out the chairs for us to be seated. Gary placed the menus down in front of us before we sat down. He poured water in our glasses and said that our server would be with us shortly.

["We were greeted as we walked into the restaurant and approached the hostess desk, by Gary," is awkward at best. There is also mixed gender--"hostess desk" and Gary. Rework it to, "We entered the restaurant and were greeted by Gary." I would also include a brief description of his attire, tuxedo, three-piece suit, sport coat and tie, restaurant polo shirt with name tag or embroidered name, etc. He asked how many were in our party is a quote and needs to be identified as such, also being a question, it needs to end with a question mark instead of a period. I did a strikethrough on down regarding placing the menus because it is somewhat redundant. I'll admit that can be a questionable call. Glass should be plural as there are two of you and you wouldn't be drinking water from the same glass.]

Synthia arrived and greeted us. She mentioned a few featured items. She suggested a couple of starters and then asked if we needed a couple minutes to look over the menu. When we said yes, she asked if we would like order our drinks. Synthia made a few suggestions from the list of wines. We then placed our drink orders. She reassured the time we she would be back with our drinks.

[I Googled "Synthia" and could not come up with a name match. I'm in a bookstore so I checked a baby name book and could not find any with the spelling "Synthia" so there would be a question of did you mean "Cynthia?" This may be more of a regional thing but, being asked for a drink order implies a mixed drink, not wine, so I, as an editor, would be confused. Did you order a mixed drink/cocktail or wine? and how does that comply with the shop instructions?]

Synthia brought our drinks shortly after and then asked if she could start us out with an appetizer. She described the Seafood Gumbo and the Grilled Filet of Salmon Florentine. We placed the order for order placed our order, and Synthia repeated our order before leaving and assured us of the time our appetizer would be out.

[This entire paragraph needs to be rewritten. She asks about an appetizer and then immediately jumps to the entrée. Also, "We placed the order for order placed our order," is complete gibberish. Suggested rewrite: "Cynthia returned with our drinks after two and a half minutes. She asked if we would like an appetizer and we ordered the Spinach and Crab Dip." Here I'm torn because I've been in restaurants that will take the entrée order at the same time and others will take the entrée order when the server returns with the appetizer. Cynthia brought the Spinach and Crab Dip appetizer in a baked bread bowl. It was hot, as expected. The dip was creamy and cheesy, and it included large, tasty pieces of crab. It was served within five minutes. She also refilled our water and engaged in conversation. She took our entrée order and asked if we needed anything else and left the table. She checked back to make sure the appetizer meet our expectations and assured us of the time our entrée would be out. I also merged the following paragraph into this one, as well as brought the description of the appetizer from the end to here, where the presentation occurred.]

Synthia delivered our entrées were as we were finishing the appetizer. They were correct, and she quickly checked back to make sure we had everything we needed. After that, she did stopped to check on us, and made sure our beverages and water was full.

[Again, a rewrite...Cynthia delivered our entrées as we were finishing the appetizer. Both orders were correct. [Again, bring up the entrée description from the end to here, where the service occurred.] The Grilled Salmon was slightly crisp on the outside and silky inside. It was delicious. A delicious sauce describe sauce, white, red, green, spicy, savory, etc. was placed around the edge of the plate and, when mixed with the vegetables and the fish, made for an excellent dish. She checked back after three minutes to make sure we didn't need anything else and to make sure our beverages and water were full.]

Synthia brought a display of assortment assorted, not assortment of desserts. She asked if we were interested in dessert. She described each one and suggested her favorite. We ordered dessert and Synthia asked if we would like coffee with our dessert.

[The first sentence could be rewritten as, "Cynthia brought an assortment of desserts. She asked if we were interested. She described the desserts and suggested [recommended also an option] her favorite. We placed our order and Cynthia asked if we would like coffee also." Dessert was becoming redundant in this paragraph.]

Synthia quickly brought the coffee and dessert, with two spoons. She also presented the check at that time. She told us to take our time and that he she would get it when we were ready. After Synthia picked up our payment, she promptly processed it. She brought the receipts and thanked us for visiting. Synthia was polite and professionally [professional, not professionally].

[I'm ok with this paragraph. It would be good to include a timing, also, if cash were involved, was correct change given. Again, this would depend on the shop requirements.]

We saw the manager walk through the restaurant consistently during our meal. He briefly stopped by our table and asked how we were. The manager then continued on to other tables in our area. He seemed professional, but not very personable.

[This paragraph is good. I would just add a comment about his attire. I find this type of observation difficult as there is the question of where to place it, i.e. when the interaction occurred or at the end of the narrative.]

The Spinach and Crab Dip was delivered in a baked bread bowl. It was hot, as expected. The dip was creamy and cheesy, and it included large, tasty pieces of crab.

[Moved, as stated above.]

The Grilled Salmon was slightly crisp on the outside and silky inside. It was delicious. A delicious sauce was placed around the edge of the plate and when mixed with the vegetables and the fish, made for an excellent dish.

[Moved, as stated above.]

[A closing sentence or two would be nice, would you return, etc.]

Not including my comments, the proofreading/correcting took about 15 minutes. Now, multiply that by how many reports. Yes, grammar is very important in the narrative.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2014 09:20PM by James Bond 007.5.

I was taught a lesson on proofreading years ago and I find it to still be useful. Read what you have written backwards, that is start at the end. It will slow you down and you will pick up errors that way. When we start writing, we know what we want/intend to say and our mind makes us oblivious to the typos.

If I were an editor, I suspect I would ask for a rewrite and mention some of the problems that I put in my comments...the gender problems, singular/plural mixes, Synthia, etc.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2014 04:41PM by James Bond 007.5.

mnevins Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Does anyone have any sample Narratives they could
> share with me for different types of shops?

Why would anyone think that this means mnevins wants to copy people's reports? The moment I saw this question I immediately thought, "Here's a person who wants to make sure she/he knows how to write a good narrative." Mnevins is looking for examples of good writing.

What came to my mind is that some companies include sample narratives in their instructions. Two that I know of that sometimes include sample narratives are National Shopping Service and Satisfaction Services. Of course, you have to actually be assigned the shop in order to see the sample narratives, but maybe it would be worth it for you to sign up with those two companies if you have not already done so.

Keep in mind when you do write your narrative, some MSC/Clients want your narrative to be no gender---->no "He or she, him nor her". If your waiter is a female/male and has on a name tag, then Bob or Sue, become your reference point. If you have already mentioned who Bob or Sue was then-------->"Bob returned to the table to check on us and asked about the entrée".

We all have come across situations, where we did not know if the client retail employee was a male or female but as long as we were able to described them or they had a name tag on............well we're "safe".

Be wary of the scheduling company narrative that include "He/She, him/her" they will take off point for grammatical errors or pronunciations in your report. (from someone who knows)

Instead of gender specific they are-------->the server, the bartender, the cashier, the preparer, the manager, the teammate or the associate.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2014 12:00PM by sojo917.

Here is my take on narratives. It's going to depend on how much they pay me. If they are paying a fair rate, I'll take the time and give a good narrative. You get what you pay for. It works the same for this. Some companies want to pay you $ 5 or $6 and not only expect long narratives but also have 5 or 6 pages. You can't reuse narratives because they have software that recognizes this and now they have new software recognizing copy/paste.

There are a lot of companies out there. The worse thing that ever happen to me because I gave a short narrative was my grade for the shop was an 8 instead of a 10. Big woop. The pay don't change.

Never heard about copy/paste recognition software. Does that mean you can't write your narrative from scratch in MS Word and then paste it into the report? That would be nightmare as many of us do it that way now.

I'm getting reports kicked back that shouldn't be kicked back. You know, the kind where it's a minor picky thing they could have fixed themselves. I understand their position entirely; they want what they want.

Here's the new deal: Kick back my report over something I consider unnecessary. I'll fix that one and I'll lose interest.
I want what I want, too, and I don't have all day to explain "no, that didn't happen and I don't know why it didn't happen."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/25/2014 06:41PM by MDavisnowell.

I read my guidelines and the word nametag was one word.

I used the same spelling in my narrative and it was wrong.

I now use name tag and it is correct. The editor likes it. Well, how about changing it in the guidelines?

That is why I do not do dining except Fast Foods. No way I could have remembered all of that.

kenasch Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Never heard about copy/paste recognition
> software. Does that mean you can't write your
> narrative from scratch in MS Word and then paste
> it into the report? That would be nightmare as
> many of us do it that way now.


It sounds like the MSC has software that picks up the same wordings or phrases from previous shop reports, by the same client. Each shop is suppose to be judged on its own merit even if the same happens in time after time on those shop. One way to change that, is have your thereaus (sp)handy. and add adjectives and adverbs.

They don't care if we write and revise our reports using C/P, just don't C/P shops with already submitted reports. If they have invested in the software let them use it, "they want what they want". It gives the MSC bragging rights to the shopper.

Instead of using name tag use name badge------->"How did you obtain the associates name?" The associate had on a badge that read "BUFFY". I smiled at "BUFFY" because the associate had "facial hair that consisted of a mustache and beard." I don't know if two people were called into the office or just the one, but that was the name I saw.

2stepps - You don't have to remember it all. Old school - I have taken my concealed report in my purse to make notes in the restroom partway through the visit. Men can put it in a jacket pocket. New school - smart phones. Thanks to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and a few I probably haven't heard of, taking pictures of your food/purchase item is the norm. Ditto for taking notes in an app - I do this all the time and have never been "outed" as a shopper. Before I arrive, I make a new document (sticky, comment, etc.) - after each interaction, I make a few notes. It only takes a few words to jog your memory, and fewer words make for less chance of your narrative sounding copied or "canned". It also helps to have a guest who can assist in remembering some of the details.

Canuck Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I read my guidelines and the word nametag was one
> word.
>
> I used the same spelling in my narrative and it
> was wrong.
>
> I now use name tag and it is correct. The editor
> likes it. Well, how about changing it in the
> guidelines?

They keep it in there to see if anyone is paying attention.

JAMESBOND: Why did you not pick up on this line, "Tiffany answered the phone before on the second ring. She provided me with the name and the location of the restaurant in her greeting. "

Did she answer it BEFORE or ON the second ring? I could not read past that.

Chix, if you had been able to read past the before or on, part, James' comments are in brackets. He posted "The second sentence is ambiguous...was the phone answered before the second ring or on the second ring; it can't be both."