I had an odd unacceptable (in my opinion) experience while doing a shop at a home improvement store today. I had to go to the appliance department, check the signage and see if the associate mentioned the credit card. When the associate approached me, she reached out and took some hair that was dangling in my eyes and moved it out of my eyes before she said anything to me. I'm in my late 50's and she was probably about 5 years older. I was stunned that that a store salesperson would take it upon themselves to touch me without even a greeting let alone an excuse me. If I had been a regular customer I might have talked to the manager. Since I was only evaluating whether the associate mentioned the credit card, not her behavior in general, do I mention this in my report? The report doesn't even ask for the associate's name (although I do know what it is). Any guidance out there?

That is beyond unacceptable. Since the salesperson name and other details were not vital to your shop, I would have reported this to a manager. Heck, I might have done it no matter what the shop circumstances were. I would not put in my report though, unless there was a section regarding something about the greeting.

No, it is irrelevant to your shop.

My understanding is the credit card company is the client, not the store. They probably couldn't care less since little is asked about the customer service experience. You could call the manager to report her directly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2017 12:43AM by LisaSTL.

You probably don't know the answer to this. Did that person ever work as a teacher or parent? It might be instinctive and natural (for them) to brush someone's hair out of their eyes in order to make eye contact with them or commune with them. I would not report this to anyone unless there were some other factor that made me wonder if they were doing more than being a mother hen. Sure, they probably should not touch a stranger. Some strangers might retaliate! But how could they make eye contact or otherwise connect with the customer if they couldn't get past the hair?

Note to self: In future, make sure hair is securely bound, sprayed into helmet, or otherwise not a distraction for people I will evaluate during mystery shops.

My first thought was she thinks your cute, and it was a flirting gesture. Not professional and uncalled for..
I wouldn't put it in the report, bur if a guy had touched me, I would ask to see the Manager after I finished my shop.

It really doesn't matter if the person is a parent or was a teacher. The OP's hair was none of her damn business and touching a stranger in such a way should have gotten her hand slapped away then been followed by a report to her manager.

Cuuuuuhhhhhhhreeeeeeeepy!

In that circumstance, I would have smacked/swatted any hand that touched me, and found a way to report it.

No, there should not have been a slap. How could a violent act improve a situation which was murky at best? How could that help the shopper to maintain anonymity? If this shopper intended to be not memorable, they probably did the best thing in the circumstances. They did not fuss about this on-site or call additional attention to themselves or their interaction. They expressed about the matter here, where we discuss all kinds of things from all kinds of perspectives.

Nothing in the opening post suggests sexual or even flirty intention. The shopper might have felt like a kid, or uncomfortable, when the slightly older person touched their hair, but there probably was nothing more than an attempt to be able to see the customer (aka shopper) and then commune with them.

Would a manager be able to sort this out to anyone's satisfaction? After all, we cannot get to heart of the matter, which is the person's intention. We do not know them. We do not know if this is something that distinguishes the person in a good or bad way among others. We do not know if this is a one-off with a shaggy dog sort who is hiding their face. We do not know if the person has a hair fetish. We do not know if the person was assuming that hair clinging to eyeballs was uncomfortable, a visual liability, or simply unhygienic. (Formal and informal parents and teachers might be the most likely persons to respond in this way to a perceived risk.) Was the person attempting to prevent an incident on the premises? We do not know anything! Well, we do know that some people are horrified. But does that horror reflect the intention of the person who made a physical contact? Does it mean that the person who made a physical contact is a harmful sort? We do not know.

Tangent alert. Once, I observed a group of persons getting their hair done at a salon. Their supervisor was touching their hair lightly, apparently in an effort to inspire the people to touch their own hair. After awhile, one of the people began to stroke and experience their own hair. The others then made contact with their own hair. This was a giant step forward for them, in that they made some progress toward making contact with other aspect of their selves. It isn't always bad to touch hair. Sometimes, it helps people. But back to your regularly scheduled thread.


@OP: Did they just brush the errant hair away from your face? I mean, they did not alter your hair, right? They did not comment on length or color, or cut your hair, did they?

Lisa, the credit card in question is the store's own credit card so I'm not sure. Shop-et-al, no, I'm glad to say she just lightly brushed it to the side. And no comments about it either. It was just the idea that she felt it was okay to touch me on purpose to correct something that bothered me. I don't believe that a stranger should think it's okay to do that even in a non-sexual, apparently non-threatening way. It's nice to know that others on here are as unsure as I am about reporting it. I was concerned about talking to the manager about it because of the anonymity factor. Sometimes this particular MSC has a comments section that just goes to the MSC and not to the MSC's client. If this report had that option I would definitely take advantage of it, There is a non-mandatory comment section but it doesn't specify that it's just for the MSC.

imho, you did the right thing for yourself because you did not disqualify yourself for future shops. It's enough that someone touched you in a way that was uncomfortable for you. By speaking out here, you bring up an important issue for others in this industry and get some support and, hopefully, feel better. You retain your anonymity and opportunities to complete future shops.

Slapping someone's hand is not a "violent" response. How can you defend someone who touches another adult they do not know and have no relationship with like that? She had her hand in the OP's face. My reactions are quick, so it would not have made it that far. And what is up with that "shaggy dog" reference. Again, it was not the retail associate's business to even comment on the customer's hair when she is there to buy a freaking appliance. And you are right we do not know the intent. Isn't that the whole point?

The customer was treated like a child if it were not meant in a flirty way. I may have pushed her/his hand from my face. I alone am capable of removing a hair from my face, what are you doing? Intent is everything, and I think you feel the intent, so, taking your own action is fine, weather it be pushing hand away, saying, please don't touch me, or whatever you feel ends the situation. Totally not acceptable. I have to ask, how is removing persons hand from your face saying "I'm a shopper"? What if they patted you on your behind, would you let that go, think about it.

@LisaSTL wrote:

Slapping someone's hand is not a "violent" response. How can you defend someone who touches another adult they do not know and have no relationship with like that? She had her hand in the OP's face. My reactions are quick, so it would not have made it that far. And what is up with that "shaggy dog" reference. Again, it was not the retail associate's business to even comment on the customer's hair when she is there to buy a freaking appliance. And you are right we do not know the intent. Isn't that the whole point?

When my long hair is loose and in my eyes, people do remark that I look like a shaggy dog. They can have that opinion. It's not so bad to know how others perceive us. What if the OP also was perceived that way? We might not like this, but we are not obliged to like other opinions of us.

If someone touched my hair as described in the opening post, I would wonder about them. But I would not slap them because of a hair touch. One slap could cause me to lose something that might be needed in future. If I slapped someone, there would be an incident report. The incident report could be discussed or disputed (read: lawsuit). I or the other person might win some money via a legal process. But we might not get anything except negative attention and reduced circumstances. I would lose anonymity and the ability to work as a mystery shopper. This loss of a revenue stream might lead to worse effects in my future life than those associated with a hair touch that already is in the past.

The OP is addressing the larger issue in a good way. They posted about an unwanted incident here. We get that we have choices as shoppers that we do not have as our personal selves. We get that some people have issues surrounding touch and that rules and laws govern some aspects of human touch. Kudos to OP for using their incident to bring awareness to a larger issue.

It's up to the OP if they want to take more actions as a shopper or in their real lives. Maybe they will. Maybe we will.

(If I experienced a hair touch in some other way or as part of some other incident, my response might be different. But that is not what happened to the OP.)

Just so everyone knows I decided to submit my report without mentioning the incident. However, I sent a note to the scheduler and asked her if I should add it to the report. I appreciate all of your thoughts and advice on the subject. Perhaps we should start a topic about inappropriate behavior we've encountered during mystery shops.

YIKES! Totally creepy!

I think you did 100% right.

You did the right thing. I would have added comments to the scheduler and see how the client would react to inappropriate touching.

In RL, I did my part. I thought about this issue for awhile and recalled a line from a movie. It is my new signature here. I also recall a face slap from the same movie. But that is another issue...

Needed your sign line. thanks!

No way in hell anyone gets to touch me in any manner, non-threatening or not without my permission. I would have talked to the manager right then and to hell with the shop if necessary.

Hmmm. Those of us who find it inappropriate and unacceptable are overreacting?

"One slap could cause me to lose something that might be needed in future. If I slapped someone, there would be an incident report. The incident report could be discussed or disputed (read: lawsuit). I or the other person might win some money via a legal process. But we might not get anything except negative attention and reduced circumstances. I would lose anonymity and the ability to work as a mystery shopper. This loss of a revenue stream might lead to worse effects in my future life than those associated with a hair touch that already is in the past."

Heck yeah you report the "inappropriate touching"!

If these actions go unreported, whose to say it won't happen to our daughters, sisters, and friends?

Admittedly, this is coming from a male perspective, but the outrage at the employee's action does seem kind of cynical to me. It seems like it was done in a caring/friendly manner, even if was overstepping a personal boundary.

If you are there on assignment, you are, in a sense, co-workers. Seems sad to me that in this age, we consider reporting a worker for that. Perhaps just a reaction of, "Wow, that was really uncomfortable for me. You should be careful about touching people without consent."

I grew up in a world where older ladies would pinch my cheeks when I was a kid. I had long curly hair well into my 30's and people would regularly take it upon themselves to touch my hair. I chose to take no offense where none is intended. You have to consider the spirit of the action when considering if someone needs to be reported for their behavior.

This summed it all up.

"Admittedly, this is coming from a male perspective"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2017 05:05PM by LisaSTL.

Some things have no price. Personal autonomy is one of them.

I wish I agreed with you that it summed it all up. But there is MUCH MUCH more that I want to say.

@LisaSTL wrote:

This summed it all up.

"Admittedly, this is coming from a male perspective"

Like I said, cynical....I didn't expect much else for a response.

"Home improvement" means different things to different people.
I am kind of curious though about the geography of the OP, and some of the responders. I'd never do that to a customer, unless I knew them well, but it does seem to me in the South there are less touching boundaries...a Southern hospitality thing)