How do you find "dates" for shop requirements?

I've had to cancel three dinner shops because my dates/guest cancelled on me and the shops require two people. I don't want everyone to know that I mystery shop and the few people I have told (immediate family and a few close friends) aren't able to join because because of distance.

My boyfriend can not shop with me because 1) He never lets me take pictures of food when we're out because he thinks it's tacky and 2) He never lets me pay and throws away his receipts PLUS he never tips appropriately. Aside from going to conventions, how can I find someone to 'shop' with me on shops?

I have a Ruth Chris shop this Thursday that I'd hate to cancel

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2017 03:43PM by eyelove2shop.

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This is a problem for me as well, that's why I've been doing lunches alone. I just don't do as many as i want anymore, or if I go into the Valley I'll invite my girlfriend who enjoys her dinner and doesn't bug me. I do invite friends that have me over for holidays to pay back, but I agree, most people I know I wouldn't want to take on a shop. Making friends with another shopper in your area or through the forum (as I have done) is the best. I took Steve for breakfast and he helped me, and my next will be Sandy/f...they understand, that is my suggestion.

Live consciously....

Hmmm....get a new boyfriend? JK. I have a hard time with my husband because if I turn my head for a moment to get my phone out of my purse to take the photo he sometimes has forgotten not to touch the food and either has eaten a bite of it or has covered it in parmesan cheese, etc. Ruth Chris? Time to retrain the bf. But if you can't find anyone today for Thursday's assignment, you had better cancel now because waiting until Thursday will not look good.

@eyelove2shop wrote:

My boyfriend can not shop with me because 1) He never lets me take pictures of food when we're out because he thinks it's tacky and 2) He never lets me pay and throws away his receipts PLUS he never tips appropriately. Aside from going to conventions, how can I find someone to 'shop' with me on shops?

I have a Ruth Chris shop this Thursday that I'd hate to cancel

agree with other poster to get new bf. u r running your own biz. y let him try to run your biz. my dad is like that but can't break up w/dad. i don't take him on ms.

Sounds like it's time to retrain the boyfriend to me. It sounds to me like he thinks shopping is something the little woman does for fun. I suggest letting him know this is a business and as such you need to run your business the way it is designed to be run. That means you take pictures when the requirements are to take pictures and that means whoever pays the receipt has to be kept.

There are reasons that a body stays in motion
At the moment only demons come to mind

And if he does not agree to take this seriously, time to think about moving on.

Based in MD, near DC
Shopping from the Carolinas to New York
Have video cam; will travel

Poor customer service? Don't get mad; get video.

Yes, one of the two of you, anyway...if he is a keeper than I guess you have to quit taking those kinds of shops.

Eyes if I was closer I will be your guest. But after you take your pictures you will need to put your phone away.

There is nothing wrong with taking pictures. People do it all the time and post it on Face book.

I like the idea of getting a new b/f or doing shops by your self.

We do not allow cell phones at the table. However when I my bring my wife or my kids on a shop (that requires 2 people) I will take a picture of my food if it requires it and then I will put my phone away. In fact I always leave my phone in the car.

We don't get to have supper together much because of my work schedule but when we do all phones are put away so we can talk about our day.

Yesterday I went to Applebee's for lunch and I was in front of a lady and she was on her phone and she had her speaker on

I was tempted to move because I didn't want to hear her business.

Sorry to get a little off topic

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2017 07:29PM by Isaiah4031a.

You need to do bar and lunch shops that require one person. Not good idea to except all these restaurant shops and than cancel. If you don't follow the Guidelines you will not get paid.

@Isaiah4031a wrote:

Eyes if I was closer I will be your guest. But after you take your pictures you will need to put your phone away.

There is nothing wrong with taking pictures. People do it all the time and post it on Face book.

I like the idea of getting a new b/f or doing shops by your self.

We do not allow cell phones at the table. However when I my bring my wife or my kids on a shop (that requires 2 people) I will take a picture of my food if it requires it and then I will put my phone away. In fact I always leave my phone in the car.

We don't get to have supper together much because of my work schedule but when we do all phones are put away so we can talk about our day.

Yesterday I went to Applebee's for lunch and I was in front of a lady and she was on her phone and she had her speaker on I was tempted to move because I didn't want to hear her business.

Sorry to get a little off topic

Sorry but I need my phone for timings and noting names. My phone is not leaving my side.

Snapping a photo for timings is great too, because the photo properties will have the exact time you took the photo (snap a photo when your wine is delivered, snap a photo when the appetizer is delivered, etc.).

I don't think anyone should get rid of a relationship due to a shop...either don't take it or take a girlfriend.
When I was with my SO in Sarasota,Fl., my boyfriend and I went to Roy's whenever I got that job, and he paid for it...he was one of a kind, not to be found again, and I've tried. i'd rather have a good love than an average dinner...

Live consciously....

IMO the suggestions about moving on aren't simply over a shop. Just from reading the OP, he sounds disrespectful of her and her business. On reading it again, he is also very controlling. Those things are always red flags.

Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.
"I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag." -Molly Ivins
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and it really annoys the pig.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2017 08:43PM by LisaSTL.

SERIOUS red flags!

Based in MD, near DC
Shopping from the Carolinas to New York
Have video cam; will travel

Poor customer service? Don't get mad; get video.

Guess OP isn't ready to throw him to the curb....sometimes it takes longer than one would think, due to the good times. Many men and woman don't understand our rules and the seriousness of what we do, explain it to him or tell him it is your business and important, if he cares he'll try harder to let you be, he may bring other good things to the relationship...just saying. I don't believe anyone can control you, you have to allow it....

Live consciously....

@LisaSTL wrote:

IMO the suggestions about moving on aren't simply over a shop. Just from reading the OP, he sounds disrespectful of her and her business. On reading it again, he is also very controlling. Those things are always red flags.

exacly. that is what i was trying to get at but lisa was more direct.

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

I don't think anyone should get rid of a relationship due to a shop...either don't take it or take a girlfriend.
When I was with my SO in Sarasota,Fl., my boyfriend and I went to Roy's whenever I got that job, and he paid for it...he was one of a kind, not to be found again, and I've tried. i'd rather have a good love than an average dinner...

was he controlling? did he allow u to take required pics? did he let u have the receipt even when he paid? it sound slike yes. the ops bf doesnt give off same impressionl.

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

Guess OP isn't ready to throw him to the curb....sometimes it takes longer than one would think, due to the good times. Many men and woman don't understand our rules and the seriousness of what we do, explain it to him or tell him it is your business and important, if he cares he'll try harder to let you be, he may bring other good things to the relationship...just saying. I don't believe anyone can control you, you have to allow it....

some people mostly women have been beaten down emotionally & physically. hopefully they get even strength to leave a bad sitaution sooner than later before its too late.

@AnneAshley wrote:

@Isaiah4031a wrote:

Eyes if I was closer I will be your guest. But after you take your pictures you will need to put your phone away.

There is nothing wrong with taking pictures. People do it all the time and post it on Face book.

I like the idea of getting a new b/f or doing shops by your self.

We do not allow cell phones at the table. However when I my bring my wife or my kids on a shop (that requires 2 people) I will take a picture of my food if it requires it and then I will put my phone away. In fact I always leave my phone in the car.

We don't get to have supper together much because of my work schedule but when we do all phones are put away so we can talk about our day.

Yesterday I went to Applebee's for lunch and I was in front of a lady and she was on her phone and she had her speaker on I was tempted to move because I didn't want to hear her business.

Sorry to get a little off topic
Sorry but I need my phone for timings and noting names. My phone is not leaving my side.

anne hit it on the head. need phone during entiure shop.

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

I don't think anyone should get rid of a relationship due to a shop...either don't take it or take a girlfriend.

@eyelove2shop wrote:

My boyfriend can not shop with me because 1) He never lets me take pictures of food when we're out because he thinks it's tacky and 2) He never lets me pay and throws away his receipts PLUS he never tips appropriately.

Irene, normally I would agree with you, but I take issue with the "rules" that are apparently in place in their relationship. No one should be able to prohibit another person from doing something (within reason).

@eyelove2shop I recommend that you tell him that it is unreasonable of him to make those rules for you. If he wants to be the one to pay, let him but you still get the receipt after. Of course, this is assuming he is willing to learn to tip to your standards (especially if you are giving him the money to pay).

@Kakita987 wrote:

@eyelove2shop I recommend that you tell him that it is unreasonable of him to make those rules for you. If he wants to be the one to pay, let him but you still get the receipt after. Of course, this is assuming he is willing to learn to tip to your standards (especially if you are giving him the money to pay).

ive went on date one time (one time only w/that guy) and he left 10% tip at very high end restaurant & we had awesome service. when we were leaving i said that i forget my whatever at table. ran back & left cash tip for server . think i left 20% cash tip along w/10% cheapo cc tip so server made out well in long run.

@MSNinja wrote:

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

I don't think anyone should get rid of a relationship due to a shop...either don't take it or take a girlfriend.
When I was with my SO in Sarasota,Fl., my boyfriend and I went to Roy's whenever I got that job, and he paid for it...he was one of a kind, not to be found again, and I've tried. i'd rather have a good love than an average dinner...
was he controlling? did he allow u to take required pics? did he let u have the receipt even when he paid? it sound slike yes. the ops bf doesnt give off same impressionl.

Definitely not comparing, just saying you control yourself, I wouldn't take him...i would tell him if you want to eat at Ruth Chris with me, it's my way, or you can take me and pay....he is probably controlling in many ways, so, why is she taking it, is my point!

Live consciously....

I'm just curious what end of the spectrum the "never tips appropriately" falls under. It could be that he overtips, which on a shop could be considered inappropriate when MSCs expect shoppers to behave like "normal" customers who tip 15% - 20%. If he didn't tip enough, I wouldn't date him in the first place, personally. I am going to bet it's the other.

Kakita made great points about the rules. When I was a child my parents wouldn't "let me" cross the street alone. As a teenager they wouldn't "let me" stay out past midnight. During my marriage and other relationships as an adult I have never uttered the words my husband/boyfriend/SO won't "let me" do something. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean there were never discussions or I never took their feelings into consideration. It means in the end it was my decision.

Agreed...it sounds like there's a lack of respect in the OP's relationship, which is a bigger issue than not finding a guest. That's a theme I've heard repeatedly over the years from wives who's husbands don't support their MS business.

I am SO happy when my GF or a friend takes me a guest on their shop!...I try to be as helpful as possible. That's basic & common respect which should be at the core of any relationship. It's way more tacky to be controlling of your SO than taking pics of food....

whoa, whoa, whoa...Not the responses I was looking forward to...I'll find someone to go with, thanks for all the input!

The responses made me think of the Suze Orman show. Folks would call in looking for financial advise, and no matter what the financial question was, her answer was the same: Get a divorce. To top it off, her closing tagline was, "People first." Guess spouses don't count as people. Anyway, glad you had a sense of humor about it, eyelove.

Tomayto, tomahto... Potayto, potahto.... You and your boyfriend do not have to call the whole thing off. You just need to find something else to do as a couple. You can figure that out what that should be. In my world, mystery shopping and family do not mix. I am in the same boat with people in my world, except that I do not have a Ruth's Chris scheduled.

Here's hoping that you can recruit someone who just "gets it" and will order as required, help with timings, and/or otherwise not spoil this shop. Have fun!

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. - Lao-Tzu

My first dinner shop I asked two single co-workers if they'd be interested in going with me and the first one that responded got to go. Then I had a movie shop and I randomly asked another co-worker if she wanted to go with me. Now I have another dinner shop and one of the original coworkers gets to go (the one who didn't get a free meal the last time).

Do you have coworkers? I don't know how you get around the fact they don't have to pay (assuming the shop comps them too).

I'd like to add that taking a guest who doesn't know it's a shop is playing with fire. It's not recommended and you will only have yourself to blame when something goes wrong in that case.

Relationship stuff aside, I cannot understand the hesitance in telling people you are a mystery shopper. You have a free diner at Ruth's Chris to offer. Anyone (including a significant other) except a vegetarian should be thrilled at the chance to come along and help you follow the instructions to a tee. You just say, "Hey!...I have this gig where you can eat for free at Ruth's Chris is you want to join me." I think 99% of non-vegetarians would be like, "Hell yes! I'm in."

On the relationship front; I will also add that my vegan girlfriend went to a steakhouse shop with me. Now that's commitment!

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