Chance to do another senior living shop...

So, last time I did one of these, grandma went with me (with permission!). And the place was super nice... but it was also a lot less stress with my almost 80 year old nan along for the journey. She doesn't need assisted living but she was along for the free trip, a free dinner, and to help me make a buckaroo

Well, I was offered another one, but grandma can't tag along on this one. She has company and a large turkey meal to work on. The last one, I was actually told I could take a parent or elderly grandparent with me if I wanted and had the chance to do so. I dunno if I wanna go alone. I did one by myself and one with company. The one with company did so much better, the flow was so much more natural, and it really was a good trip. Plus, my grandma is a RIOT! The one with just me felt like the lady thought I was full of crap or couldn't afford the place -- even with my best acting skills and full on business dress (still casual but definitely spiffy). Meh meh. They're offering a $150 bonus to get it done ASAP.

Ah temptations.

MegglesKat

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Much as I enjoyed doing it, I would not do one alone again. There was just too much to remember at least for the one I did. Can you find an older friend or neighbor to go with you perhaps? Maybe your grandmother could suggest someone to pretend with you.
I'm glad to hear your grandmother is doing so great. My mom is 85 and up until about a year ago was doing really well too. Then she had a bad fall and that seemed to accelerate her memory problems. She still has Dad to take care of her and my sister and I both do everything we can to help too. But should something happen to Dad, we might need to look into an assisted living facility.
Oh and for $150 bonus, I might reconsider and just take notes if it's allowed. I think a regular person looking at this type of facility would take notes, so why shouldn't I?

What's done is done. An egg cracked cannot be cured.
There are 3 kinds of lies. Lies, Damn lies, and statistics.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2017 12:14AM by sassymmmm.

Does your gram have any friends who could accompany you?

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. - Lao-Tzu

Normally, that'd be a great idea

But I don't think so :/ It's also a church dinner that day -- how lucky, so all her friends will likely be there. I seriously asked because she has two friends that I grew up around who would love for me to take them for a free meal and to tour a facility just to see what there was to see. I might suck it up and go it alone... or ask if there is any way it could be done on X date instead. :/ Might have a target involved because they want it shopped on a Saturday.

MegglesKat

@MountainCacher88 wrote:

They're offering a $150 bonus to get it done ASAP.

'Nuf sed. Do it! Maybe make a call to Granny during it to show that she exists.

Hahaha. And dinner could be her "farewell party to the house" 0_o Gosh, that house is an 1890's coal camp house.

MegglesKat

I visited 3 memory care places last month (not shopping) and i learned a lot.I noticed quite a bit of differences between the facilities. They charge $4500 to $7500 per month. If i was closer to you, i'd tag along, i won't charge you a fee!

Yep, those fees sound right. The one grandma and I visited together had a starting one of $4800, fees for a single, and fees for an additional sitting room, etc. Some of them were, as you said, as much as $7500+ a month. Of course, they did have a van/bus that traveled daily from 7am to about 9pm, religious services, gym, pool, spa, zumba gold, bingo, crafting, a blue billion activities daily, all supplies provided except bath products and clothes, laundry on site, yada yada. but I can't figure in $7k-$8k a month in the south east.

MegglesKat

I did many and found one that I actually placed my sister (Dementia) in at a location up North in Palo Alto.
I wouldn't have known anything about it had it not been for MSing. I went alone, no problem. My sister is happy there, and not getting worse,They take good care of her......and she pays for it.....

Live consciously....

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2017 01:38AM by Irene_L.A..

As I recall the one I went to started out at about $3500 for a studio and $4000 for a one bedroom. It was a small place so those were their only options. Then on top of that there was a fee per month depending on the level of care they needed. The lowest additional I think was $300 per month and went up to about $1500. But like I said before. The place was great with personalized attention due to it's small size. It also had a lot of activities. I would want somewhere like that if I was looking for real for my mom.

What's done is done. An egg cracked cannot be cured.
There are 3 kinds of lies. Lies, Damn lies, and statistics.

And of course, the ones I looked at were senior assistance and definitely not nursing homes. The floor plan was entirely open, and save maybe one person napping and another wheel chair bound, everyone was able to walk, talk, and was doing this, that, or the other.

MegglesKat

I do them alone all the time. My "loved one" is always a person that I know well, so their name, interests and health issues are right at my command. The best acting calls for the least invention, IMHO. No need to "prove" that gram exists if you are confident about her needs, likes, habits, etc. Same with uncles, siblings, etc. that you may use as the "loved one." I also have learned a ton from these shops, including a deep respect for nearly every person I have seen working with memory care residents.

Based in MD, near DC
Shopping from the Carolinas to New York
Have video cam; will travel

Poor customer service? Don't get mad; get video.

I thought the last ones were fine as far as needs, assistance, etc. Just seemed like the one I did alone, the sales associate was not into it, or didn't think we could afford it, or something. Maybe I accidentally grimaced or raised an eyebrow at some point with pricing. I dunno. She just didn't seem like she was in it to win it and it clearly showed through to me after a fantastic shop that grandma actually went along with. Kinda made me not want to do another one. But that bonus is sitting on the table...

It's tiny town -- so maybe it'll sit another week and I can drag her along.

MegglesKat

You probably just got a lame SA on th shop you did alone. Almost all of these shops are done alone, so she had no excuse for not being interested. I think that you may be over-thinking this. Take a deep breath and get that bonus!

Based in MD, near DC
Shopping from the Carolinas to New York
Have video cam; will travel

Poor customer service? Don't get mad; get video.

One of the best things shopping did for me was get me used to doing things alone. I wouldn't think twice about it. I'd chatter on so much about gram the sales associate would feel like it was her gram by the time I was finished.

The one where she went with me, she was hilarious. You're probably right. Maybe the person was having a rough time. For all I know, her favorite resident died or her spouse had a heart attack, or her dog was at the vet getting critical care, etc. etc. Ya never know.

MegglesKat

When I did my first one years ago, I knew nothing about assisted living, always went alone, and asked for a tour saying my Mother couldn't love alone any longer. They are happy to show you. Several years later when my sister needed this, I had info. and knew where to go. Having taken my sister before hand would not have worked very long story with Dementia she couldn't make a decision. I found everyone I did to be respectful and caring.
I would say 75% of people looking for a placement for a loved one goes alone. I can only do the same one once, so, this year, I'm not in the program as we only have so many and I've done them all.

Live consciously....

MC - I'd say go for it ! $150 is nothing to sneeze at. If you go alone, the visit should go quicker. You could call the scheduler and ask for $175 or $200 and maybe they'll give to you. When I went to visit it didn't seem to take that long to do the tour and ask questions. One place I went to had these therapies they would try out and the theme for that month was alpaca's. They would bring one in for the residents. They also would offer skype's and personalized website page with daily updates/photos of what they did that day.

But I found the prices to be very expensive. I don't know how anyone could afford to stay there 3-5-10 years, even with LT care insurance.

And many of those places are private pay! You'd have to cash in on your life insurance policy to cover it, whew. And I believe some of them allow you to sign your house over to them as payment... yikes. I know there is value, and I understand the need and such but the ones I visited did not stand out as work a years work to pay for a three month stay. :/ I will likely grab it up and spend my Saturday out on it. Might be more tempting with a food shop nearby.

MegglesKat

My sister pays 5000 a month, her son sold her million $ home and pays with that. They are all between 3 and 5 grand. We wanted to keep her in her home, but she kept firing the caregivers.....

Live consciously....

I used to do these shops alone all the time. I go there to see about finding a place for my "mom." FYI- my mom left us when I was 12 and I am over 40 now. So, I don't actually have a mom, but I guess I am a good actress! Unlike my real "mom", the one I make up for these shops is awesome! I have never had a problem with them and I always take notes. If I was looking for real, I would take notes. That just seems natural to me.

I use my sister, I knew all of her needs when she was alive. She was hearing impaired, which is a great excuse of why she isn't with me. She was 8 years older than me, so it works for me.

I do senior living, assisted living and memory care shops whenever I can. I always go alone. If you’re concerned about taking good notes, just download an audio recording app on your phone. When I write reports, I’m basically transcribed my recording.

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