@JASFLALMT wrote:
But what else I know is wrong is for mlzg to send nasty, angry PMs to other forum members.
@bgriffin wrote:
The red flags signify that the PM is unread. So if you only have 2 red flags you only have 2 new PMs.
@SoCalMama wrote:
It’s not necessary to deactivate. It sounds like we are now getting the real story anyway. You can just take a break and quit logging in for now.
@JASFLALMT wrote:
I apologize for jumping the gun and stating that you sent PMs that were nasty and angry without having actually seen the messages for myself. If you gave a few people your name and email address, I doubt those people will use it in a negative way and I wouldn't worry about it too much. I don't know how to deactivate a forum account, but if for some reason you cannot find out how to do this yourself, you can contact the forum owner, JacobJ via PM and he can help you.
@walesmaven wrote:
The recognized (even by, for over a year now, The New York Times style book) non-gender specific pronoun is "they" (singular). Or, "their" (singular. This is also now in common use in many broadcast media and has been used on the forum by some for quite a long time.
Why is that unfortunate? I could go into basic biology and explain the reasons, but I assume we all know that and this is an attempt to paint males (those who possess a Y chromosome) and females (those who do not possess a Y chromosome) as the same. Although it's a generalization, it IS true that females tend to have different biology-driven personality characteristics than males.@1cent wrote:
This is the safest bet if you have to make a binary choice. It is unfortunate that it assumes that women will be more understanding and that men will be more insecure about their gender. I don't agree that a woman who is perceived as masculine is necessarily trying one way or the other. I imagine most people want just to be.
@Stephanieteaches wrote:
mlzg,
I know that you will do what you feel is best for you, but I appreciate your perspective here. I am also a teacher and have learned a lot about transgender folks and transphobia from my students. There are plenty of well meaning people who just have never interacted with many trans people and have not thought about their struggles at acceptance. It is important to educate as many people about what it means to be trans so that they can feel more support to be who they are. I’m a heterosexual cis woman, but I have made a point to learn what I can to support all my students to be their best selves. For a trans person to be continuously misgendered and “dead named” (using the person’s birth name instead of their chosen name) is taxing to them. Always having to explain themselves and be the one teaching can be hard. The more allies trans people have, the more the burden will be lifted from them.
I read a book about a trans girl’s journey, Becoming Nicole. Nicole was born Wyatt, and had a fraternal twin brother. It talks about the family’s transition along with Nicole. I thought it was very telling that Nicole’s brother said he always thought of her as a sister, always knew she was a girl, and didn’t care at all.
As to the original post, there should be a “gender not determined” option that triggers a comment box for explanation. Sometimes it is hard to tell, and some people are non-binary and don’t identify as male or female.
@MickeyB wrote:
@JASFLALMT wrote:
I always admit when I AM wrong, but I find it really irritating when others can't do the same (mlzg).
mlzg didn't misunderstand you - they were saying that they wish there were no gender specific pronouns, which you and others have repeatedly used in multiple posts including the one you reference.
And they were also making the point that gender is determined not by the parts in which you are born, but the whom you chose to identify with - so in the example, the student was a girl, not a boy. They were making a very pointed remark, and your misunderstanding of what their statement meant in some ways proved the point they were trying to make.
@iShop123 wrote:
Why is that unfortunate? I could go into basic biology and explain the reasons, but I assume we all know that and this is an attempt to paint males (those who possess a Y chromosome) and females (those who do not possess a Y chromosome) as the same. Although it's a generalization, it IS true that females tend to have different biology-driven personality characteristics than males.@1cent wrote:
This is the safest bet if you have to make a binary choice. It is unfortunate that it assumes that women will be more understanding and that men will be more insecure about their gender. I don't agree that a woman who is perceived as masculine is necessarily trying one way or the other. I imagine most people want just to be.
Vive la difference!
@Book wrote:
Good post. It is a pity @mlzg was repeatedly degenerated by an individual on this forum. Sadly, some folks are just closed minded I guess.
@1cent wrote:
Different people are also socialized differently. Just because you can make generalized observations about behavior along gender lines doesn't mean you can derive an ought from what is.
Men don't need to be insecure if they are perceived as "unmanly" in some way. Women shouldn't be expected to be more understanding about something perceived as a slight. But just maybe the whole thing could not be seen as insulting to anyone.
@iShop123 wrote:
@1cent wrote:
Different people are also socialized differently. Just because you can make generalized observations about behavior along gender lines doesn't mean you can derive an ought from what is.
Men don't need to be insecure if they are perceived as "unmanly" in some way. Women shouldn't be expected to be more understanding about something perceived as a slight. But just maybe the whole thing could not be seen as insulting to anyone.
Do you understand what a generalization is?
I agree with you that men shouldn't be insecure if they are perceived as "unmanly" in some way. That doesn't mean they aren't. And women shouldn't be expected to be more understanding about something perceived as a slight. That doesn't mean they aren't.
ETA: fixed open quote tag