Guilty Pleasures slash Narcissistic Behavior

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I got married at 24. Divorced by 27; no kids (he's gay; and was "in the closet" when we married...)

Got married again at 30. Had first kid at 31 and then kids at 32, 35, and 41. We also fostered and have taken in a kid who is a daughter to us

Never, ever thought I'd marry again OR have kids....you just never know.
I'm Every Woman, it's all in me. You don't need a man to be happy although I do feel you need companionship whether it be from a furry best friend or a human. My best advice to you is to be self supporting, self assured and to like yourself the most. You are your favorite. Relationships can go wherever and whenever. You are the best! Don't ever, ever forget that!
@Madetoshop wrote:

I'm Every Woman, it's all in me. You don't need a man to be happy although I do feel you need companionship whether it be from a furry best friend or a human. My best advice to you is to be self supporting, self assured and to like is

Love this, to love yourself is the battle, but it works.......

Live consciously....
A couple days ago I got a drunken rambling voicemail from my ex, telling me that he misses me, he’s sorry, but he can’t explain why he stopped responding to me.

Has anyone ever heard the likes of this? It seems so lazy. If I had stopped responding to a person I’d know why. It would be because I was stressed or bored or realized we’re not compatible.

A friend of mine suggests I just block him, since hearing the voicemail totally threw me out of balance. I was doing OK before I heard the voicemail!

And I appreciate how many of your comments have been about having babies late in life. That’s really nice! My issue is that I don’t want any babies, I’ve always known that, and that I’m worried my mother will be made unhappy by that. When I had a boyfriend she could have hope.
He knows perfectly well why he quit responding to you, and now that you don't try to contact him anymore, he wants you to be back on the hook. And if you start seeing him again, he'll do it all over again. Power tripping. If you were to tell him you are seeing someone else now, he will try even harder. I know that type, I had boyfriends like that before. Or, it could be that he was interested in someone else so he quit responding to you so he could pursue a relationship with that person and when things didn't work out there, he called you to say he is sorry and misses you. What an arsehole.

And nothing wrong with not wanting kids. I was glad that my hubby's kids were all potty trained, could talk and walk, and feed themselves when we met. It was that and being bloated and pregnant, and being in pain while giving birth that were all deciding factors for me.
Yeah. You’re totally right. This whole time, the only explanation that made sense was that he’d met someone else. And that’s fine! Well, not fine. But at least I understand. I just wish he’d told me. I can understand THAT more than the “I dunno.”
He's a coward. Just be glad you found out with minimum time invested. What if you had been seeing him for a couple of years and THEN he met someone he was interested in and pulled that crap on you? That would have stung like hell.
I’ve known him since I was 17, when we were in college, and I’m currently 34. Hurts. Why. Why did he hit me up? Should have been only if he was serious.

Other people are the worst.
I watched a new cable problem stating "You've been Ghosted", which means they leave with no reason....move on and don't look back, enough time has gone buy. Communication is a must in a healthy relationship.
Your Mother will live as I and many other's have.

Live consciously....
Seventen years have passed. For you, that is twice your age when this began. My life has changed, and people have come and gone on their ways to wherever I did not go. So I am curious: in what other ways has your life changed in the last seventeen years?

@VVT wrote:

I’ve known him since I was 17, when we were in college, and I’m currently 34. Hurts. Why. Why did he hit me up? Should have been only if he was serious.

Other people are the worst.

This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before. - Leonard Bernstein
Whoa. Well, I have a career now I guess. I’m in emergency management in the Coast Guard. In the old days, I was floating, doing political surveys over the phone, waiting tables. Getting by. Living at home for a few months. Realizing that was NOT sustainable, so I joined the Coast Guard 11 years ago.

It’s a lonely life, being single in the military.
I was really happy when an old connection wanted to be with me. It’s just been super tough on me, but I’m realizing a long distance relationship wasn’t sustainable. I didn’t know it’d be hard until I tried it out. And I didn’t know how crappy he could be.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy..." Bill Currington

shopping north west PA and south west ny
most marriage/divorce studies end after 5 years or so. they have to publish and fund them. also if you are just looking at them straight up there are more marriages then divorce because a remarriage counts as a marriage in most cities records. the statistics on this are pretty useless. i prefer 25% of marriages last a lifetime. you have 4 different outcomes. one is forever. one is one party ends it. the other is the other party ends it. the last option is both parties end it.

shopping north west PA and south west ny


Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2019 05:47PM by cooldude581.
@cooldude581 wrote:

most marriage/divorce studies end after 5 years or so. they have to publish and fund them. also if you are just looking at them straight up there are more marriages then divorce because a remarriage counts as a marriage in most cities records. the statistics on this are pretty useless. i prefer 25% of marriages last a lifetime. you have 4 different outcomes. one is forever. one is one party ends it. the other is the other party ends it. the last option is both parties end it.
Can you give me your source? It seems to contradict the BLS, which draws its figures largely from the Census.

“I am convinced that knowledge is power - to overcome the past, to change our own situations, to fight new obstacles, to make better decisions.” ~Ben Carson
CA has a much larger divorce rate than above survey states...we count 2nd marriage's as well, they have a huge divorce rate, so double what survey says...we also have many independent woman here, and I'm one of them.
Dealing with others kids is one reason for 2nd marriage divorce. I know two people who have been married 4 times, oy vey, ...except for Jas, who made it work...KUDO's.

Live consciously....
the census is taken every 10 years so its information is accurate only up until that point. once again a limit on data. we like to say a marriage is successful if it lasts a life time. that time frame is way to long for studies to publish and be reviewed. the information i used is probability. there is one probable successful outcome out of 4 possible outcomes if you see it that way

shopping north west PA and south west ny
Psychology Today says 1 in 4 marriages end in divorce, and it's even lower for two people both getting married for the first time. [www.psychologytoday.com]

The CDC backs this up: [www.cdc.gov]

If you have a source (other than something like Slate), I'd be interested in seeing it.

One thing that was encouraging to see is that the divorce rate is actually going DOWN for those in first marriages. It makes sense, though, that the rate is significantly higher for those in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc marriages. If a man or woman is going to be a cheater in their first marriage, they're probably going to be a cheater in the next.

“I am convinced that knowledge is power - to overcome the past, to change our own situations, to fight new obstacles, to make better decisions.” ~Ben Carson
Thanks Irene, but it's the friends thing first and foremost I believe, and also us having money. I think that money breaks up a lot of people (usually the lack of it). And he and I care about each other so much as friends that we put that first. Too many people think that it's supposed to be super sparkly and passionate like that first year of infatuation. Also, a lot of people give up too easily when the road gets rocky. People who are lucky to still be together still have a spark but have come to appreciate and value each other's companionship and friendship the most. I also think that he and I are really lucky in that we have so much in common, same tastes in music, food, travel, ethics, politics, and more. The fact that we have grown together instead of apart is truly wonderful.

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

CA has a much larger divorce rate than above survey states...we count 2nd marriage's as well, they have a huge divorce rate, so double what survey says...we also have many independent woman here, and I'm one of them.
Dealing with others kids is one reason for 2nd marriage divorce. I know two people who have been married 4 times, oy vey, ...except for Jas, who made it work...KUDO's.
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