Coronavirus Non-Compliance

I'm trying to convince my mom and step-dad to stay inside. My mom is 67, my step-dad is 71. My step-dad especially has many underlying conditions. My mom also has issues. They won't stay inside. They are in NY. They eat out three meals per day and live paycheck to paycheck.

I've tried convincing them to stay home. They are even going out just to get coffee.

Whole Foods, Amazon Pantry, and the local supermarket slots are all booked. I have sent her what I could find using Amazon Prime.

I'm trying to figure out how to keep them safe, but it seems impossible.

Are any of you dealing with family members like this?

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My parents are in their 70s and very active. My brother and I both told them to stay put. I think they listened.

"There's so much trouble in this world; surrounded by miracles" - Citizen Cope
I was hoping if I could arrange home delivery of groceries, that I could get them to stay inside. So, best I can do is put money in her bank account so she can eat out three times per day (ugh). We don't eat out unless some MSC is paying for it and we make significantly more than she does and I cover bills for them.
Didn't Governor Cuomo issue a stay at home order effective 8 pm tonight? Will they listen to him? I feel for you.

Kim
You can go out for groceries, go out to exercise, order take out from restaurants, so "essentials." I called before and asked her to stay home and asked if she needed money and had food.

It makes no sense. I'm sitting here baking bread, and she's spending $40 on takeout. I was not raised by her, btw. I was raised by her parents, who had loads of sense. We grew up with a depression mentality. My mom missed the lesson.

When I asked my mom what she eats so I could know what to order, my step-dad piped up and said in the background, "Oh, we go to pizza places and restaurants!" Not kidding.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2020 01:43PM by Niner.
Three things:

1. We learned to let go of practically ancient mil. She refused all offers of money and stuff.
2. Her nature is obstinate and fiercely independent. COVID-19 cannot change that.
3. I am hoping that there is a metaphysical, non-immunization herd effect for people who are just too ornery to get the disease and too naturally unable to stay at home. In this fantasy, her powerful stubbornness will blow the offending droplets (or whatever) to smithereens before they get close enough to affect her.

*eta* I think CoviD-19 might be afraid of her. Many people are.

Cooking with kids is not just about ingredients, recipes, and cooking. It's about harnessing imagination, empowerment, and creativity. - Guy Fieri


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2020 06:10PM by Shop-et-al.
Hoping and praying for all elderly persons. That generation survived wars, Great Depression, and all kinds of health crises.

Cooking with kids is not just about ingredients, recipes, and cooking. It's about harnessing imagination, empowerment, and creativity. - Guy Fieri


Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2020 02:49AM by Shop-et-al.
Niner....put the news on, give them some goodies and force them to watch what's happening, and good luck.

Live consciously....
I am 75 years old, I am a Mystery shopper, not shopping now since March 1st. I worked at the airport the end of February. I walk 4 miles every sunday, short walks in between. I live near the beach can walk over 10 miles along the coast. Eat as healthy as I can, no fast food. Take vitamins, D3, B12. I am in good shape, but I am staying away from grocery stores and grand kids. Grandkids are, 2 are 22 years, 3 are 19 years old, all in college, home now. Those kids are probably the most contagious. The rest of the time I am either reading, painting art, or watching a movie, oh yes I cook all my own food for my husband and I.
I am a young 63, no issues and in good health other than a bad back. My oldest daughter wants me to come live with her. I love her dearly, but we are both fiercely independent and we would drive each other crazy. It's hard when you are concerned and worried. Hope it goes well for your parents and for your piece of mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
I am 82, maybe the elder of the group, and happy to say in very good health (good genes).
I walk daily, eat well 80% of the time, everything in moderation, am active and was still working until now, but now I am retired, and outside of the Virus to be careful of, have re-thought MS'ing and decided (at this point), the fee's don't excite me nor eating out not as important...happy to stay home and plan on living healthy for a long time, fingers crossed.
I am concerned for this industry and see many MSC's going out of business and business's not using our service any longer.

Live consciously....
I read online this morning that many restaurants in NYC are discontinuing their take-out services because they are not profitable.

Kim
Mum and dad are home but my father in law refuses to listen. Mum in law locked the door and hid the key after my husband had a heated discussion with her over the phone.
I don't know where in NY they are but I am in Buffalo, NY. Instacart will work for Tops and Wegmans I believe. The grocery stores around me all have special morning senior hours except Wegmans as of yesterday. I am also a dine out restaurant person so well eating at home making your own meals is cheapest take some solace in that takeout if they pick it up themselves is cheaper than dine in as you can forgo drinks and don't have to tip. Many places have deals even free kids meals which you can get in addition even if you don't necessary have a kid. Walking around the neighborhood is free, still allowed, and will at least get them out of the house.

Shopping Western NY, Northeast and Central PA, and parts of Ohio and West Virginia. Have car will travel anywhere if the monies right.
You don't tip for carryout?

Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.
"I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag." -Molly Ivins
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and it really annoys the pig.
@LisaSTL wrote:

You don't tip for carryout?

Personally No, not usually. The person is putting items in to go containers and/or checking me out. They are not serving me including refilling my beverages, bringing me napkins, clearing my empty plates, and/or other normal things a server does with dine in patrons. Do you tip at Five Guys, Mc Donalds, Chipotle, Chick-Fil-A, and/or other establishments? Carside where they bring it to my car I will tip a dollar or two.

On dine in I almost always tip 20% pre tax. On the rare occasion service is really bad I will tip closer to 10% unless it was so bad a tip is not deserved as it would be encouraging the server to continue bad service in the future.

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I may consider tipping a few dollars to help out employees that would normally be getting tips at normal full service restaurants that normally have dine in but currently can't. I still do not include those fast food and fast casual places listed above but rather places like TGI Fridays or Chillis for example.

Shopping Western NY, Northeast and Central PA, and parts of Ohio and West Virginia. Have car will travel anywhere if the monies right.
Although we usually don't tip for take out, we did last weekend, because times are tough for everyone right now.
I tip for take out at restaurants where the workers rely on tips. Back in the day I was a bartender and my wage was the lower rate for tipped workers. I was still responsible for take out. I didn't just put boxes in a bag. Like the servers, for take out I would assemble salads and various other things. The time it took me was time away from my customers at the bar. Most patrons tipped me. Usually the percentage was along the lines of what they would have tipped a delivery driver as opposed to a server during dine in.

As to tipping less or not at all when the service is bad, if it is not accompanied by talking to a manager or a supervisor it usually won't register with the server. They won't recognize their own failing and will just think you were cheap.

Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.
"I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag." -Molly Ivins
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and it really annoys the pig.
I regularly do of carryout curbside shops (or at least i was). I always tip between $2-$5, depending mostly upon the weather.
I had a skeptical mom. I had to explain to her the science/facts/risks re: COVID19 before she stopped going out.

She understands asymptomatic carriers/spreaders, the growth curve, and risk of hospital overwhelming now. She also knows my father is a risk for serious complications (including death), given his heart condition. Both parents fully understand the risks and are not going out for anything non-essential.

I've had to really emphasize social distancing too.

Although we can never force a person to do something, I think a combination of fear and love can help. Tell them how much you love them and cannot stand the thought of something happening to them. And explain the dangers. I really had to work on this part. Again, I broke down all the science for her and as she read the news herself (reinforcing what I had said), she understood the concern and took it seriously.

There were times I angrily pleaded with my mom. I kept at this. She finally did come around.

I think a combination of love and fear in messaging can help drive home the point. Some people may respond more to one than the other. I just kept trying (constantly pleading with them). My mom seemed to respond most to my dad being vulnerable.
Niner, how are your folks doing?

"There's so much trouble in this world; surrounded by miracles" - Citizen Cope
Thanks for asking. I'm hoping they are okay. I'm going to drive the four hours there on Saturday to bring them a carfull of food. I hope they aren't going out! I'll never know. There are so many cases where they are in NY now.
As a libertarian, I am disturbed by this erosion of rights, and yet, I worry what will happen if asymptomatic people with the virus or elderly people walk around. It equally disturbs me to watch someone arrested for this.
Freedom is neither free or without responsibility.

Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.
"I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag." -Molly Ivins
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and it really annoys the pig.
Apt quote.

But where are the plans for transitioning out of what should be a one-time gift and back into activity? These ideas would help people to return to a more free, or less dependent, way of living.

Cooking with kids is not just about ingredients, recipes, and cooking. It's about harnessing imagination, empowerment, and creativity. - Guy Fieri
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