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Better to be bored than to be on a board [autopsy table]. How the hell DO you fold a fitted sheet?
My property taxes just went up because the contents of our home include 11 rolls of toilet paper, 3 bottles of rubbing alcohol, 4 pounds of rice and a can of Lysol.

(Also, why in hell would anyone attempt to fold a fitted sheet?)

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2020 05:13PM by Sandy Shopper.
@Flash wrote:

My house got toilet-papered last night; it's now appraised at $1,875,000.

With my apologies to Flash, since I took the above idea and ran with it:

My quaint little home wasn't worth much,
Maybe 80 thousand, but better still...
Last night someone TP'd my home and my trees,
And now it's worth half a mil !!!!!!!!
When this is all over, we are throwing the biggest St.Patrick's Easter de Mayo of July Labor party anyone's ever seen
I've been thinking about Osama Bin laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I'm beginning to wonder if he called in those Navy seals himself
My neighbor is keeping busy on a ladder painting the exterior of his house with a small brush. He should be finished by about 2022.
(Disclosure: I get this stuff from Imgur)

"Grandpa, what did you do during the Great Coronavirus Panic of 2020?"

"Well son, I had a very dangerous job. I was a tailgunner on a Charmin delivery truck."

sestrahelena
You really could have Christmas in July...of 2021 (or 22).

@Flash wrote:

When this is all over, we are throwing the biggest St.Patrick's Easter de Mayo of July Labor party anyone's ever seen
@sestrahelena wrote:

A lot of parents are finding out that the teacher was not the problem.

Yeah, saw my neighbor out early this morning scraping the 'My Kid is a Terrific Student' sticker off her minivan. Guess that homeschooling isn't going so well.
I'm certainly hoping the weather is good for my trip to Puerto Backyarda as I am getting tired of Los Livingroom!
I never expected to have so many long, grey-haired friends.

Shopping Southeast Pennsylvania, Delaware above the canal, and southwestern NJ since 2008
Don't you hate it when you finally clean out your freezer and find people you don't even recognize?

sestrahelena
My aunt sent me some good ones.

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

 Home-schooling update: 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
nm - couldn't post pic

Kim


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/11/2020 04:53PM by kimmiemae.
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