It is with a heavy heart we have decided to put our beloved 14 year old chocolate lab to sleep. Her health has been failing and it is time. She has been with us longer than our boys, who have never known life without her. We can't decide if we should tell the boys and let them be there, not let them be there, or just come home from school and tell them she has died.

I'm really not thinking with a clear head and would love to hear thoughts on what you guys would do. It's going to be devastating no matter what the decision.

Let them be there. The worst part of grieving is not being able to say goodbye.

My Dad died when I was 15 and I remember my Mom coming to school to get me and taking me out for a soda and telling me and my brother together he had died. His cat died about 4 months later. We were at school then, too, and my Mom found him when she stopped by the house at lunch. I don't have any kids, but thinking back to how I felt when my Dad's cat died, I would have not wanted to be there when he died. When we came home, our neighbor helped us give him a funeral and it was good that we did that. At 15, I think I would have been very upset to go to the vet's office knowing a cat was getting put to sleep and being there. If your kids are younger than 14, I would definitely not take them when the cat gets put to sleep. I would tell them after.

I'm so sorry about your beloved furbaby.

I think telling the kids about your decision is a very important life lesson. Perhaps, time permitting, you could tell them beforehand, let them process it and then decide how, when and where they want to say their final goodbyes, whether at home, in the vet's waiting room or in the examination room. Only you and your kids can know how they can handle it. Wishing you the very best in your difficult time and difficult decision. Sending love and light your way.

How very sad, Bearclaw. I agree with everything LJ said, especially the part about having the conversation with the boys well in advance, if possible. Wishing you all the best.

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Wow, so sorry to hear, Bearclaw. How sad to lose a cherished furry family member. I would talk to the children in advance but I would not take them with me to the vet's office.

I would talk to them about it and not take them to the vet. It's bad enough when we have to see our beloved fur babies die in our arms. Just ask me. I had to put my fur baby to sleep a few years ago and she died in my vehicle. It was very hard. Kids might not know how to deal with it all. IMO.

I'm so so sorry..

I think knowing she is going to be put to sleep would be really stressful for them and they naturally will want to stop it from happening. On the one hand it would be a life lesson for them as death is part of life on the other hand I think I would tell them after it was done that she is gone.

So sorry, we put our beloved Tillie to sleep at 15 years old just three months ago and we're still crying over it.

I am so sorry to hear about this. I would absolutely let them know about it BEFORE you do anything and give them the option of being there. Let them know it is okay if they don't want to be there, but give them the option. When I had to put my dog Buster down, I was with him the whole time, petting him an talking to him, as he fell asleep. It felt right being there, but I know not everyone feels that way.

I'm so sorry about your beloved lab. Our pets really are family. I don't know if we're allowed to post links. (And if we are, I wouldn't know how to post them.) If you aren't familiar with the poem "The Rainbow Bridge" please google it. It may provide some comfort for your boys. Wishing your family strength and peace.

I'm so sorry you're facing this. I have a yellow lab who is 14 and I dread the day her time comes.

As for your children, it depends how old they are. Is this the first pet death they've experienced? If the dog is older than they are, they are under 14.

One thing I will caution you about is to explain to them what "put to sleep" means. I had to put a horse to sleep and I was babysitting my neighbor's children every afternoon at the time. Jet had cancer and my mother in law was dying so I was having to pick my moment because I didn't want to be grieving over a horse when my MIL passed. So I knew I was going to put him down for a couple of weeks before we did it. (I put him down the day after my MIL died.) We were keeping him comfortable with injections.

Anyway, I was out in the stall with Sandy, the younger child. she was probably about 6 at the time. We were talking about Jet and I mentioned he was very ill and I was going to have to put him to sleep.

She asked me, "And then what happens when he wakes up?"

OMG. Well, I have always had a policy of not ducking the honest questions of children. I explained to her that "put to sleep" was just an expression and that what it meant was the vet was going to give Jet a shot that would make him die so he wasn't in pain any more.

So I urge you to be careful with your euphemisms and make sure they understand what put to sleep means. Don't let them think she will "go to sleep and not wake up" because it can cause them to be afraid to go to sleep. Use the word "die" so they know this is permanent and it means the dog is not going to sleep. Tell them she is dying and the vet will help her die a little faster so she won't be in pain any more.

But I wouldn't let them watch it happen. Some animals will thrash and howl as they expire. Don't let them see that. But after the dog is still, let them see the body and say goodbye if they want. Otherwise if the kids are very young they may not believe the dog is really dead. If you are going to bury her, that will help give them closure. But unless they are very mature and over the age of 11 I wouldn't let them watch the process unless they very strongly want to. And then I would prepare them that when the dog dies, the air might rush out of her lungs and it will sound like she is crying but she will be unconscious when this is happening so it won't mean she's in pain, it's just her last breath coming out.

I am so sorry for you. This is the hardest thing any pet owner has to do, doubly hard for you because of the children. If you are religious, it's okay to tell them she is going to doggie heaven and will be running and playing with other dogs for eternity.

I definately agree with those who suggest you tell the boys in advance. They can say their goodbyes while your dog is still alive. I don't think they have to be there at the end.

Our golden retriever died in my arms at home years ago. He was around 12. Our black lab was only around 9 and had to be put down. He too died in my arms. That was around 7 or 8 months ago. My son offered to take our lab mix to the vet a couple of months ago. She was 15, which is 102 in human years. At that point I said no more dogs.

I feel for you. I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this.

By the way, we now have a chocolate lab mix - a 3 or 4 year old rescue dog. So much for my ultimatum. It was the best thing we did.

LIJake, I have tears in my eyes as I'm reading your post. Nothing is more satisfying than a happy ending. Smiling for you and your lucky doggie!!!

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First of all, thank you so much for sharing your stories and taking the time to reply. It is so interesting to me, this thread just like all the others on this forum varies from one end of the spectrum to the other on opinions. That is people putting their own life experiences into play to make a decision.

Good news! My sweet little lady was only sick because she ate somewhere between 1/2 to 3/4 of a pack of beef jerky my youngest son left sitting on his bed. When I found it, it made perfect sense. She threw up a lot for two days, then was back to her normal self. She is very old, but still gets around very well and runs and plays with the neighbor dogs. She does not appear to be in any pain, just slower than the others.

So we have dodged the bullet for now. I still know the time is coming, 14 is very old for a big dog. We did make a decision on what to do, though. We have been telling the boys for a year now that she is getting old and might not be around much longer. We are going to spend some time taking pictures and telling her a premature good-bye so they will get to do that. However, we will not tell them when we are going to do it or let them be there. I think that would be too traumatic. They are 9 & 13. I was 22 when we put my 16 year old Doberman to rest. It still brings tears to my eyes, I don't think I would have handed it well at a young age.

Thank you so much for the personal messages and thoughts, it means so much to me!!

Awww.... I'm so happy she's okay for now. It's good that you've been gently preparing your boys, and I'm sure your decision is the right one for your family. Love you all <3

That's good news Bearclaw. And I think you have made the right decision concerning your boys.

So happy to hear, Bearclaw, thanks for letting us know..

Best wishes for you and your family. I have two lads myself and would want them to say bye to our dogs when the time comes. There is no easy way to do this but all I can recommend is to be loving but honest about what may happen.

Oh my goodness, Bearclaw!! I am *SO* happy to read that your baby girl is all better!! Fourteen *is* old, especially for a big dog; but it sounds like she's, overall, doing very well for her age.

I hadn't responded yet, because I've never had to deal with kids in the equation, so I didn't really have much to offer, there. And, even though I've had dogs since age 10, I didn't have to deal with their departure until I was college age ~ so much different than your boys.

Again, *SO* happy to check in to the thread and see your good news.

How nice, Bearclaw that your dog, doing what dogs will do, recovered. While instinctive to protect our children, I didn't shield mine from heartache, or life's realities. I wanted to help teach them to cope while they were still under our roof.

Your story reminds me of Millie, an aged Golden Retriever. I dump leftovers, old bread, etc. at woods' edge of our yard. Critters appreciate it. Millie lived two houses down. She could hardly walk, but she had a keen sense of smell, and an appetite for anything other than her prescription diet. We would watch her as she struggled to walk up, then down, our hill, to dine on the goodies. At her burial, her sad family thanked us for giving Millie reason to live one more year.

I am so happy for you, Bearclaw and for your kids and family that you have the good fortune of continuing to enjoy your dog. I have found that pet owners are more compassionate in general, because they consider pets as family. There are some very special exceptions.

I'm so happy you will have more time to prepare your family for the moment when it finally comes. Spend as much time as you can with her, take lots of pictures with the kids.

And I'm going to give my own 14 year old lab a big hug and kiss now. She's such a wonderful dog. It's going to rip my heart out when her time comes. I hope that will be a long time in the future. She still loves to go out in the woods when I ride a horse. I hope she dies out there someday, in mid-pounce, chasing a lizard, with that precious smile on her face.

My husband and I have had to euthanize three beloved dogs since we've been married. When our son was 12, we put the first down without him and told him when we got home. He was taken aback and upset with us for not bringing him, so we made sure we brought him to the vet's office to hold, hug and say goodbye to the other two. All three dogs made it to age 15 (the third was probably older, but when we got him, the rescue group weren't sure of his age), and we were completely heartbroken. A lot depends on you child's maturity, too.

Robinv

Robinv, while waiting at an emergency animial hospital not long ago, I watched a family of four - Mom, Dad, and two kids. I'm guessing that the boy and girl were in the range of 8-10 years old. They came out of a hospital room, and all were crying. So sad. Hopefully, they had a chance to say goodbye.