I saw the venting post on here, so I am continuing my own venting post. Also wondering if I am being unreasonable or out of line.

My daughter is 17. She has an "on-again, off-again" currently on boyfriend. My feelings about him range from feeling sorry for him (his mother left him a few times as a kid, his dad beat the heck out of him over Christmas, etc........) and just wanting him out of the picture anyway I can get him out.

She is normally very rational, bordering on cynical when it comes to boys. She puts up with nothing, or at least that is how she used to be. There is really so much I could post about what is wrong with their situation, but I can have a habit of rambling and the more I post about it, the more I will just tick myself off.

Anyways, what really has me the angriest right now is his dad. Her boyfriend graduated from HS on Friday. His dad who lives in Georgia came up for the ceremony and Ashley met him for the first time. I found out tonight that the dad said to her " I think you should move to Georgia so you and Cody can have some kids and I can get some grandkids."

I was seriously pretty much stunned that he said that and IMO, he was the one way, way out of line. I don't know if I am just reacting badly to it. Like I posted above, pretty much that whole family situation is amazingly messed up.

Am I wrong for being seriously p*ssed off or should he have not said that?

On the brighter side, if Ashley understands how totally inappropriate the comment was it may help her get the family better in perspective. I would contend that it is almost impossible to go through an abusive childhood and end up in a good place as a parent, spouse and citizen. It takes at least one parent or close family friend to consistently model those good behaviors needed. And it sounds like this kid has not been afforded that. So Ashley needs to think about whether she wants to be any more than a highschool girlfriend to this guy, no matter how pleasant company he may be at the moment. There is likely an admiration for him surviving as well as he has, but the overall prognosis is not good.

I think it is appropriate that you be annoyed with the father. I would definitely let Ashley know you thought it was completely inappropriate and talk to her about whether it made her feel cheapened.

Right now I can not talk to her about it.

Anything I say is...... because I don't like Cody
.....because I just want to be a b*tch
.....because I misunderstand the situation
.....because I am wrong and she is right.

You get the idea.

I do understand and thus the need to vent. Obviously off on a wrong foot in that discussion so you will need to let it hunker down. Welcome to the world of having a teenager

Oh boy does that ring a bell. My daughter's relationship with her first "love" began at age 17 and has been on-again off-again since. She'll be 22 in a few months. Seven months ago was the last time I heard his name and hopefully it is finally over. Our families had nothing in common and we barely tolerated each other, only for our kids.

My daughter and I did not see eye to eye regarding boyfriend. I learned to pick my battles and bite my tongue. Luckily, she stayed in college, has a great job for a student, even got her own place last year. But there were times, I crossed every finger and toe I could.

Was Cody's dad wrong and did he speak out of place? That's a tough one. His values and sense of family - even if you think he doesn't have either, he probably does, they're just different from yours - could be that starting a family at a young age is the norm. There's lots of second guessing you can do, but it won't serve much purpose.

Regardless of who said what to whom, your daughter is almost of legal age, and will hopefully make more good decisions than mistakes. You already know you can't say anything right, and also that you don't want to drive her away. Keep her as emotionally close to you as possible for a parent and teen. Try not to show disapproval everytime she looks at you. She'll probably open the communication door occasionally. Listen. You'll have your words well thought out,

Lisa...you are so right to have an honest opinion and tell her. She won't listen now, but, someday she will thank you. I've been there, done that. My only daughter finally woke up (took a year), moved on and had alot of growth from that experience. His Father is dumb and dumber, no wonder he is as well. Just don't allow any move, encourage college, don't accept him, if you do, she will be with him. You can email me on this subject, I am with you 100%...save your daughter.