I am devastated. We came home today with an empty pet carrier.

I wanted one more day with her but the doctor said she was suffering a lot and there was no hope. So I signed a euthanasia form and I watched her die.

How did you deal with it? I can't help it if I feel I lost a family member.

Risinghorizon, you did lose a family member and you will deal with it....one day at a time. If you love someone, you don't want them to suffer, I promise you! When you say you "watched her die", I hope the experience was as peaceful as I imagine.

[rainbowsbridge.com]

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I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your beloved fur-baby is grateful that you released her from her pain. It was a totally selfless, loving act on your part, but so horribly hard. I have tears in my eyes for you. Allow yourself to grieve, because you did, indeed, lose a family member.

I don't know if this will help, but you can go here: [www.petloss.com]

If you scroll through, you can read the original poem about the rainbow bridge which some find comforting. Then there is a pet loss grief forum and a chat room as well as a candle lighting ceremony every Monday night in the chat room.

Sending love and light your way. <3

Still and I apparently were typing at the same time and basically said the same thing with different links to the same site. I hope that means it will be helpful to you.

I had the same experience two years ago, took the best cat in the world to the vet's. It was awful. I am so, so sorry for you. Your home will seem so empty at first, but you will get used to it. It's just so hard. They're such sweet little things. <3

Aw, man. I hadn't posted to the thread about Bearclaw's dog, yet; because each time I thought about it, I would start crying too much.

RizingHorizon, it sounds like it's the first time you've been through this. And, yes, you have lost a family member. A best friend. A companion. And, it sucks giant hairy donkey balls. Don't let *anyone* downplay your feelings of loss and grief because it was "just a cat". There is no such thing, and people who say stuff like that are jerks.

I'm glad you got to be with her, when she had to cross over. As odd as it must have felt, being your first time, it was the best thing; and later you'll be glad you were there and that she wasn't alone or just with strangers to make that journey.

I've been through this with my doggies 24 times since the early 90's. It's a horrible thing to be "experienced" with, but I am. Some I've just found passed, a couple passed during surgery, most passed in my arms while being euthanized, a couple I watched get blown up in my car after a horrible accident.

You would think it would get easier. It doesn't. You get a little callous on your soul, and you realize that if you're going to live the life of loving pets (especially several at a time) this is something you'll have to deal with. So, you develop ways to cope. I have a memory cabinet, with each of their little urns, photos, favorite toys, memory boxes, etc. I remember their "Bridge Days". I want to plant a rose for each one, but can't afford to yet.

But, often times, you just secretly cry at night. And hope that you get visits in your dreams ~ and, sometimes, you do. And, those are as real as they feel. They really, truly, ARE real.

Also, our pet's spirits don't actually leave, not all the way. They wait in the home they know and love, with the people they know and love, until it's our time to go.

And, I *LOVE* the Rainbow Bridge poem. And the PetLoss page. Both *excellent* resources.

ASPCA has a free Pet Loss Hotline phone... I don't know the number right off, but I'm sure it's easily Google-able.

But, mostly, hugs to you. Don't take this first-time journey alone. We're here. PM if you like. <3

risinghorizon, I'm sorry for your loss. Cry, and remember. That's what I have done with each loss. Dear, sweet critter members of our family. We select a memorable burial place, and have a little ceremony. Neighbors, neighborhood children, or family members attend, and share a story. I plant a perennial, or place a marker in memorial.

So sorry to hear of the loss of your furry family member. I'm thinking of you tonight.

Thank you so much. I could not do anything last night and now I don't want to do anything. You don't know what comfort you have given me. I can't thank you enough.

I stayed away from everyone last night. I thought she just had allergies and then found out that her cancer was too progressive that had she had any treatment, she would have had extensive reconstructive surgery. Had the doctor told me she had any hope, I would have cleaned out my savings for her. She was given to me when my late husband was diagnosed with water in the brain.

I mentioned about going to the vet to someone before I went and she said, oh, she is just a cat. There are many other people who are sick. She did not know how hurtful it was.

I told my son, I did not want her to die just yet. I wanted one more day with her. He said, but mom, if you had that one day, that would have been for you. It would have been another day of suffering for her.

Thank you again.

I feel your pain. I have a 19 year old Bengal that is wasting away and I dread the fateful day. Just remember that she had a GREAT life, (thanks to you) and she enriched your life as well. What more could a kitty want?

LJ, thanks for the link. I appreciate it. Someone sent it to me too but I had no time to check it out before.

I was walking in the park and I saw a squirrel ran across me. I was reminded of how when Panda, my cat was a kitten and I was crossing the street. A squirrel ran and tried to cross the street. He did not make it and the sight was awful. And then, that was when the cars stopped. I went home and I could not stop crying. He looked like Panda.

And in the park, I shamelessly cried, remembering that accident a while back . So I went to the church and tried to console myself. A priest came in and I just wanted to talk to somebody. I asked if he had time. Then I started crying telling him that I signed a paper to kill my cat. He said, "Wait a minute. Are you crying because of a cat?" I said she was family. He said, "But he was not a real person. He was a cat!" I said she was a member of my family. He whispered to me, "Get a kitten."

So I left, still crying quietly. Got home and realized I forgot my big umbrella.

Wow.

I find it appalling that, in this day and age, a priest (or anyone else in the pastoral or counseling professions) would take that attitude. It shouldn't matter if you (the generic 'you') agree with the source of someone's grief. A person in genuine grief, which you obviously are (and for good reason) needs, and deserves, compassion and empathy.

Like I said before, priest or not, people who say that are just jerks. Don't concern yourself with his opinion.

I remember when I was just really little, like five, our pastor telling me that dogs don't and won't go to heaven, that only people do. Later, I called a local radio show where a pastor would answer questions for people (I was more like nine then) and was told that God would have in heaven whatever gave us joy, and if that was our pets, our pets would be there.

I have done somewhat extensive research on such things as the afterlife, ghosts/spirits, etc. Our pets will be there. Trust me. Actually, I believe they're more like 'free spirits' and are often with us until we go. But the point is, you'll have your kitty again, and I'll have all of my doggies again.

Your kitty was NOT "just a cat". You loved her, and she loved you. You two bonded through what sounds like a very difficult time, and she was obviously with you through the loss of your husband, too. She was very important to you. You need time to process her loss, and establish a "new normal", as I'm sure you're familiar with after the loss of your husband.

Although, I wouldn't disagree with the idea of getting a new kitty ~ but only when you feel ready. For some of us, that's a few days; for others it's a couple years. You might like the idea of rescuing a kitty ~ there's lots of them out there needing people to love them.

{{{hugs}}}

I too am very sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it is. We thought we were going to have to do that last week with our lab, but dodged a bullet for a little while anyway. When I was 22, we put my Doberman to rest. She was 2 when we got her and I was in the 2nd grade. She was a family dog, but I always considered her "mine". I used to ride her around like a horse, she was a great dog. She was 16 when we made the decision, and even as an adult it was very difficult and I cried for days.

She was as much a part of our family as any of us. You and your son did the right thing, and she loves you for it. You had many great years together and I'm certain you will see her again. And you will both be happy and healthy. Thoughts for you and your family, it will get easier every day.

I am much better now and I suppose I am more sane. I have never felt that way before. When I lost my
husband, I stayed away from people until his funeral, and then I stayed away again. The crying spell were all
done in private since I went to church when he was on life support. Someone I did not know came to me and
told me that everytime my parish priest prayed for his recovery, many, many of them asked God, "Please take him now."

Thank you so much. All of you kindhearted people for giving me support and your precious empathy and encouragement. As I said I can't thank you enough Stillearning, LJ, Bayberry, Storm Cloud, Frugal Cat, Mert, Austin Mom, Bear Claw 14 and Sandra Sue. I was in such a state that I turned on the Forum and I am ever so grateful.

I am back to mystery shopping on Monday. Good luck to everyone.

PS So sorry I did not mention that Panda was given to me with the youngest in the 5 kittens at 4 months old. They said they could not be separated. Her name is Hope. Both of them helped me cope with my late husband's illness and his death.

And she had been looking for Panda. Now I will concentrate on her as she seems so lonely and sad.

Yes, Hope needs you and you need her. Believe it or not, animals grieve too, so don't be surprised if she starts behaving strangely or acting out. She'll need some time to grieve and adjust. Lots of love to you both. <3

It's so hard to lose a pet. We lost our Australian Shepherd about 6 months ago (she was 14 and suffering) and we still cry about her. I'm so sorry for your loss {hugs}

risinghorizon, I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets are family members. It is very difficult to let go, because they have been with us for a long time and are always there when we are happy and sad. They comfort us and entertain us.
My cat was diagnost with Lyphoma back in April and I have decided to have him do the Chemo Therapy treatment, I simply was not ready to let go. He has been doing ok but I know it is only giving me more time with him.
Hang in there, and know she is in a much better place now and painfree.

When I went back to the vet, I was determined to have the whole cancer treatment. I told the vet that she improved a lot after the antibiotic. When the vet told me that she lost 2kg in three weeks and the cancer was now all over her face that she was developing deformed nose and eyes, I did not want her to suffer anymore. My son said any further treatment would be for my sake, not hers.

It was a very progressive throat cancer and when the vet thought I was seriously considering treatment, he showed me some photos on the Internet. He did not think she could make it because it had gone to her eyes. If by a small chance she recovered from the treatment, there would be considerable reconstructive surgery. She was already in great pain and was having difficulty breathing. Had the doctor given me some hope, without putting her in too much pain, I would have willingly spent my savings on her. I miss her so much.

Thank you Jpgilham and Baylee for your kindness.

Yes, LJ. You are very right. Hope had been very quiet, and had not played at all. I have not heard my VM or TV turned on for a while. She used to do that in the middle of my sleep. She had also not played hammock with my curtain. She has been so prim and proper and well behaved. I am not liking it.

Awww. I'm so sorry for you and Hope. It's so hard working your way through the loss of beloved family member. I know that you and Hope will be there for each other during this difficult time. Just cling to each other and be patient with each other. You'll never "get over it" but you will learn, eventually, to accept it and remember the joy that you and Hope shared with Panda and there will be peace in your aching heart.

I was about to say the priest gave you the right advice, but you need to let the other cat finish grieving before thinking about introducing another animal to the household.

But in my experience, the only thing that will fill the hole left in your heart will be another animal. Help the other cat grieve, give her lots of love and attention. When we had one of a bonded pair of dogs put down, the other grieved for at least two weeks -- and she had come to the vet with us and knew that her friend was never coming home again. Your cat is still waiting for her friend to come back. It will take her awhile to realize that won't happen. Try to get her to play at little if you can. The endorphins from exercise will help her. When the time is right, think about rescuing another lost soul from a shelter. It will help you heal.

And I am so, so sorry for your loss. Been there, done that, will do it again. And it never gets any easier. But you did do the right thing to let her go when you did. It's the greatest love we can give them, to release them from their pain.

Hugs!

Thank you dspeakes. But I've decided never to have a new pet ever again. I can not handle another heartache with the loss of another one. Should Hope go before me, I don't think I could take it anymore. Panda's death was another painful reminder of my late husband's passing almost 4 years ago.

This Monday, on my first day of mystery shopping, guess who I met while crossing the street? She was smiling and I thought I recognized her. She said, "I am Tracy. I took care of your husband. Is everything alright with you?"

I cannot believe that I have opened my heart in a message board. Thank you all ever so much. I am fine now. Thanks for the hugs. I needed them.

I have to add this update to express my appreciation for my cat's vet. Last night I received a very special sympathy card from him in the mail. It had a picture of a black cat which had a very uncanny resemblance to Panda. And he handwrote his message. " I am very sorry for the loss of Panda. She was a great cat."

I was overwhelmed by his kindness and could not believe that he not only waited for us so he could take care of Panda himself, he also spent time to provide me with valuable information so that I could make a decision.

My respect for vets have gone up a notch. He was more compassionate than some people doctors.

Very sorry to hear of your loss. Pets are very much family, the loss of them is just as great as a human family member. It's a unique, special relationship. They know who we are when no one else is around, and love us anyway. They think we're awesome no matter how we're dressed, what car we drive, how much money we have.... There's nothing like pet love.

I agree, most of the vets I've known have been very compassionate. I think their patients rub off on them.

I'm glad he sent you a card. He understands what you are going through, and knows that she was not "just a cat."

Thank you BBird0701. I felt more compassion and sympathy from that vet than from some of my late hubby's doctors. That's probably why I took Panda's passing very hard.

Pet love is just not for everybody.

Vets are getting so much better at that sort of thing now. I also got a sympathy card when my beloved Damien (Lab/Dane mix) bloated and we had to let him go. Damn. That was in 2010 and still makes me cry now.

We get birthday cards too. Paper ones from our old vet in Florida and online ones from our new vet in Oregon. I guess they're greener here.

I plan to mail a thank you card to the vet soon. I might even deliver it personally but I may be overdoing it. I was really touched by his action. I did not expect such kindness.

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my kitties Tiger and Willy almost 2 years ago and I still miss them. I've adopted three kitties who were unadoptable...two are very shy and one elderly cat with thyroid issues and cancer (needs meds every day). They aren't replacements for Tiger and Willy, but I think Tiger and Willy would have wanted me to help these unadoptables.

It takes very special people to bring pets into their homes because we know that we will probably out live them.

I think most vets these days send a sympathy card when a patient dies. It's a nice gesture.

Yes, it is a very compassionate gesture. I wish most doctors would follow that practice when their patient dies. They do not know how much it would mean to the relatives of the deceased.

I was just thinking about you today, risinghorizon, and all that you've been through. How are you doing today?

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