dixiewhiskey Wrote:
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> I'm surprised people here tell their friends.
> Outside of my husband, father and two siblings, no
> one else knows what I do with my down time.

That makes sense if you are married, but most of my shopping is FD or hotels that require a guest. I am not married, so I rely on my friends to be guests for a lot of my assignments and they need to know the rules. Therefore, they know what I do.

There is actually a lot of competition amongst my friends for the FD guest position and they are generally respectful of the situation, so I prefer bringing friends and having them owe me one. My GF has become jaded from years of me MSing and just expects the free meal these days...

Sheesh, and I know that sometimes with the fine dining shops we are out the money for 60 days or more. She could at least offer to cook you dinner in return!

I only take one friend on MS shops and that's after I made her do a little one on her own. She doesn't like the work, but she loves the excitement and is always helpful. But if I offered to take this friend on a FD shop and she knew I was getting all my money back, I doubt she'd offer to pay unless I asked or made it clear and I don't blame her. But I would blame her for telling me she only wanted to do FD shops with me. That's just pretentious. I normally always take my boyfriend with me, but we are very clear about who pays for what (I get lunch and he gets dinner, etc) But when I mystery shop, I pay since I would be paying for both of us anyway and I'm getting mine free.

I have taken a friend out to three casual meals and one movie, all on me. She didn't even offer to kick in for the tip. I think she believes I get reimbursed for every penny. When I asked her to give me a ride to pick up my car at the body shop after it was in an accident, I got the definite impression I was putting her out--and this was a mile and a half from our homes! I also drove us to all the shops, by the way. I think I must have the word PATSY on my head in big letters. Or I have very bad taste in friends.

Robinv

I am of the same mind as DixieWhiskey. Only my immediate family knows I mystery shop. That may well be a new thread for this forum. 'Who do you tell about Mystery Shopping?"

My friends all have big mouths. I do not tell them I do this! They know me to do other things, so no need to tell, and thus I avoid the discomfort described or having a blabbermouth blow my cover!

What do you do when you have a wife that should know better. You must bring her along for free or there will be "HE double hockey sticks" to pay, but she knows there are guidelines.

The guidelines require that we must order DIFFERENT items than your dinning partner. She told me what she would order then changed her mind. You can not kick her under the table or react like she just blew your shop.

I quickly changed my order.

I only accept dining shops when I am permitted to do so solo. I prefer to be able focus on all aspects of the shop without distractions. Having worked in the restaurant business for 20+ years, solo diners are quite common. We had Mystery Shoppers then, one never assumed a solo diner was a Mystery Shopper. I wish some of the companies would realise that. (I am aware it is the client's requirement.)

My best girlfriend comes with me and always drives, puts down the tip, and has me over for Thanksgiving.
I had a date and told him, his response was, "OH, I'll accompany you anytime"...I thought that was a bit pushy,
but yes, we single folks need a companion, so my friends know what I do and could care less about the other shops,
only FD has an interest for them. They are interested in prices for my Chanel shops, like how much is a coat?

I see both sides of this picture, yes, friends or anyone getting a FD dinner should be appreciative, but, I never tell anyone
the extent of the report. I invite them because I want their company. Not being considerate is not acceptable, and I
won't invite them again. Ordering drinks or the most expensive thing on the menu is a no no....I don't mention details
nor how much the reimbursement is. My friend orders normally, but really why should one tell the length of the report,
that's your business, you choose to do this. I want a light evening, not to make anyone think I sweat bullets after dinner.
Thank goodness my friend puts down the tip, or will pay for a drink, knowing she/he is getting a great dinner, common
sense goes a long way. I actually get nervous if they ask too many questions.....

Piled Hip Deep, PHD Wrote:
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> What do you do when you have a wife that should
> know better. You must bring her along for free or
> there will be "HE double hockey sticks" to pay,
> but she knows there are guidelines.
>
> The guidelines require that we must order
> DIFFERENT items than your dinning partner. She
> told me what she would order then changed her
> mind. You can not kick her under the table or
> react like she just blew your shop.
>
> I quickly changed my order.

I have no problem at all "kicking my husband under the table". He has in the past just gone ahead and asked for more of his drink without waiting for a refill to be offered and things like that. I know where his forgetful moments are by now so I warn him specifically about those things before every shop, sometimes quietly as he is tipping up his wine glass for the last sip. A few days ago on a high end fine dining shop for 2 adults, his brother, who lives 3,000 miles away, had a reservation at the same restaurant, at the same time with the same last name. We had no idea he was even in town. When he saw us walk to our table he came over and said hello. My husband invited him to eat with us several times within the next 2 minutes. I kept saying, no that is not a good idea, no I think we should eat alone etc. Finally my brother in law said he better return to his own table and he would eat there. I felt like I had probably totally turned him off and planned to send him an email explaining after we got home but later when I listened to my vcr I found I had said these things very nicely and sweetly and not viciously like I had imagined all meal long. My husband denied inviting him more than once! But I had the proof on my vcr. He does love the food at the fine dining so he does not get mad at me for "kicking him under the table. "

I always take a family member out for dinner but for lunch I have to take a coworker. I took one of them four times out for lunch shops at different restaurants (Buffalo Wild Wings, Cheesecake Factory, Grand Lux Café, Seasons 52) and then the fourth time he took me out for lunch, but I had to pay my share. He is so cut. Never taking him out on any of my lunch shops.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/23/2013 12:30AM by newyorkdan1.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2013 03:16AM by CAscotch.

My sister actual made the statement, "You must have stopped mystery shopping because you have not taken me anywhere good in a long time." Really?! I quit taking her long ago because she would not follow the requirements and she got offended when I asked her to chip in for the overage.

Find a friend who also mystery shops and take turns "treating" each other.

I will do this again when h*ll freezes over. I took a 72-year-old friend out to a nice restaurant shop. When I spoke with her on the phone, I stressed to her that no matter how much food we got at the restaurant, under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever could she request food to go. I made her repeat that back to me six times. I emailed her this requirement six separate times, as well. And when we were in the car going to the shop (I picked her up) I made her repeat this to me another six times. Well, guess what! As soon as we got our food, she declared, "Oh, Adrian (grandson) would love this food! I want to take it to go! I can't possibly eat all of this!" I was enraged and managed to get through the shop, and of course the server brought her take-out boxes. I did not get take-out myself; she took all the food after eating almost nothing. I wrote up the report in excruciating detail, and the company (which is very fussy about everything; this was my first shop for them even though I have completed over 7000 other shops) gave me a Poor rating because we had taken the food home, and of course the server remembered who I was so I could never do that location again. I explained to them about my friend's intransigence and that I had repeated many times that under no circumstances could food be taken out. I attributed it to early dementia. They said that was not an excuse; I should have known about her dementia. Anyway, I was eventually reimbursed for my purchase, but received no shop fee. I was grateful for that. In the future, any "nice dinner" shops will either be by myself or with my daughter, who completely understands that there are important rules to follow. No more "friends". Period.

WOW. LisaSTL has it pegged - just as I would have said. But let me say it more plainly - given my advanced age and many similar experiences with "friends" like that, she is no real friend, believe me.

A friend gives rather than takes and your "friend" sounds both greedy and cheap. Sorry to say it and I apologize if I offends you. I have been in your shoes and other of my friends tried to tell me about these "friends" of mine but I wouldn't listen at the time. 20 years later I see what they meant. Good luck.

I totally feel for you. Been there. Once you have someone there with you, you are stuck with anything THEY do wrong ..... and that they did it is no excuse because you are "in charge" and you are getting paid. In the situation where the elderly friend said "Oh...I want to take it to go....." and you knew you could not, I would have firmly said "Oh, dear, I wish we could, but we aren't going right home, remember.... so this time we can't take anything with us" and I would have shaken my head at the server and said "No .... no take-home boxes." Then I would have gently reminded my guest when the server left.

Yes - it's happened, and yes, I've done that. I've also kicked my guests under the table. I've changed my entree order at the last minute - when the guest orders the same as me - and I've "forced" guests to get a beverage - "Oh, HAVE a soda - we're celebrating today." Once when dining with an older friend who insisted she didn't want a beverage so vehemently I couldn't "make" her while the server was watching, I got up to go to the restroom immediately after ordering, walked to the server, and told her my friend had changed her mind and added an iced tea, commenting "she tries to save me money by ordering water." By the time the tea was served, my friend had forgotten she didn't order it. My adult sons are my most frequent guests - they are reasonably trustworthy and have grasped that it has to be done a specific way.

Yes - those who don't follow directions and make me do unusually controlling things to keep on track don't get asked back.

The OP's "friend" who not only expects to be taken out and treated to dinner, but "only" at fine-dining establishments--and who never reciprocates is no friend. She obviously doesn't feel that the OP's time is of value and clearly has some sort of sense of entitlement.

Not only wouldn't I ever take her out to dinner again, I would drop her from my "friends" list.

Anyone who never offers to pick up a tip, take the shopper friend out to lunch or dinner on his/her own dime once in awhile, or who refuses to pay their portion of whatever isn't covered by the reimbursement is cheap, unappreciative and without class.

IMTrashman Wrote:
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> Find a friend who also mystery shops and take
> turns "treating" each other.


That does not always work out well either. I have one "friend" who does shop too and after taking her on two shops, I refuse to take her on another until she reciprocates. Every time we bump into each other, she always says we should catch up and that I should call her when I find a dinner shop. My standard answer these days has been it's your turn, i did the last two dinner shops. I really have had it up to here with "friends" who do not reciprocate and now rarely do food shops which require a guest. I will stick to the fast casual ones that a shopper can do alone.

Wow, thank goodness I don't have any friends!

(heart)

I usually only take shops I can do alone, but I mentioned it one day to the one friend outside my family that knows I shop and he mentioned he would go with me. I'm testing him out this week, hopefully it works out.

I never have fit in with this crowd on this forum and this is just another perfect example of it. You people are something else. I think its outrageous to take someone out to eat on a mystery shop and expect them to owe me something for it. Seriously the thought has never crossed my mind. I have taken lots and lots of people out to eat on mystery shops with me over the years and never asked for or implied anyone owed me anything for it. Good grief folks if you want people to think you are a tight ass you sure are going about it the right way! You people sound like the kind of people who would re-gift christmas presents! I really don't care what people think of me but I sure don't want people saying that I am so tight that I take people out to eat with me on free mystery shops and then expect them to owe me something for it.

Wait ..... so you're saying re-gifting Christmas presents is a bad thing?

Free, I don't think anybody is saying they expect something for treating friends to a fine dining shop, I think they just expect then to be appreciative, follow the rules, and not think you should always take them on shops.

And Free, also if you do take them, they shouldn't complain that the restaurant chosen is not good enough as it's Texas Roadhouse instead of Ruth Chris (examples only).

AustinMom Wrote:
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> Wait ..... so you're saying re-gifting Christmas
> presents is a bad thing?



Someone re-gifted me last year. Im still disgusted over it! Its pure B.S. and nobody damn sure better do it to me and let me catch them doing it. I take it as a diss I guess.

Yah, you have to make sure you have at least three degrees of separation between re-gifts or you're taking your chances.

The food is NOT free. I don't know why people think that. Being a mystery shopper doesn't give me free food. Completing a shop according to guidelines and submitting an accurate and timely reports GRANTS me reimbursement. My work = reimbursement. If it was free, I would never have to shell out money to begin with. It's conditional.

I had one dining partner who put me in a bind at the last minute. I was pulling up to the parking lot when he said, "Oh, I also invited so and so...." He was also inside. I told the scheduler after before submitting my report. The 3rd person wasn't told it was a mystery shop - he doesn't know what I do. I didn't need to tell him on previous shops because it was always just the two of us. Thankfully, he keeps it on the DL and now understands. I don't consider an hour of getting receipts and completing a report "free." Whoever I take better appreciate it because I'm working for that $60 lunch! And if they screw it up for me, it's one ME!

Free, the problem is people who come to feel that they're entitled to go with you on every FD shop you do, eat for free, then never reciprocate or offer to help out with the extra cost. I only ever bring my family or my husband on a dining shop, but I wouldn't mind taking a friend, and would treat 100%. But not every and all the time, and at some point, doesn't a true friend offer, simply out of friendship, to take you out and treat you? Or at least offer to pick up the cost of a tip? When I am treated to lunch or dinner, I always offer to buy the drinks at the bar beforehand, if any, or pick up the tip. Just because a friend is getting paid and/or partially reimbursed for the cost of the meal, doesn't mean they are not putting money out of pocket on it, and so, anyone who is treated to a meal by a MS'ing friend should offer once in awhile to treat that friend. The sense of entitlement that some of the posters here have encountered amongst their friends is disgusting.

Friendship is a two-way street, and many of the stories posted here indicate that "friends" are taking advantage, to a huge extent, of their friends who shop!