dspeakes, it doesn't get any better than this! I have no doubt that you have made Jacob proud for starting this forum. 
(heart)
(heart)
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
HELP! I need to um…. I need something!!!
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This is a response to "MyDearWatson" about the Video Equipment:
Yes, the video equipment isn't cheap. And I think that keeps some regular mystery shoppers from doing the video shops. But there are some video mystery shopping companies who loan out equipment to shoppers who can't afford to buy it right off the bat. So, after a couple of months, a shopper who does video shops will end up making enough to pay for the equipment. And the shopper will make more over the amount of the equipment (It depends on how many shops they do though). Most shops average $50-$75.00 per shop. There are some types that pay over $100.00. The only downside that you might run into is stuff like you'd have on a regular mystery shop (You can't reach the target & etc...). And equipment failure. Another positive to this is that you get to claim your video equipment purchase and certification class (as well as any additional mystery shopping expenses) as deductions at tax time. Of course, you want to keep good records. It is possible to make a living out of video shopping (or at least part time income depends on how busy you are & the amount of shops you take).
In regards to your other comment: Most companies inform their employees that they maybe videotaped when they start to work at their company. So, it's not something that their privacy is being invaded. Also, it's the same concept as regular shopping: If they knew they were being shopped, they would go over and above their normal job performance. When they don't know (at the time): it gives a realistic view of how an employee/company does their job or conducts business. And it helps to access their good points and areas where they may need work. It's not necessarily a way to try to get someone fired. I had someone tell me of where a company was thinking that their employees were stealing from them. They sent in a video shopper. And to their surprise, it wasn't the employees. It was the general public. So, it's good to know that it can help employees as well. And it's not about just busting someone (getting them in trouble with their boss).
Anyways, I guess everyone has their own opinions about video shopping. But I think it's definitely got some good things about it. And it is legal. And the pay can be really good especially if a person's a seasoned professional.
Yes, the video equipment isn't cheap. And I think that keeps some regular mystery shoppers from doing the video shops. But there are some video mystery shopping companies who loan out equipment to shoppers who can't afford to buy it right off the bat. So, after a couple of months, a shopper who does video shops will end up making enough to pay for the equipment. And the shopper will make more over the amount of the equipment (It depends on how many shops they do though). Most shops average $50-$75.00 per shop. There are some types that pay over $100.00. The only downside that you might run into is stuff like you'd have on a regular mystery shop (You can't reach the target & etc...). And equipment failure. Another positive to this is that you get to claim your video equipment purchase and certification class (as well as any additional mystery shopping expenses) as deductions at tax time. Of course, you want to keep good records
. It is possible to make a living out of video shopping (or at least part time income depends on how busy you are & the amount of shops you take).
In regards to your other comment: Most companies inform their employees that they maybe videotaped when they start to work at their company. So, it's not something that their privacy is being invaded. Also, it's the same concept as regular shopping: If they knew they were being shopped, they would go over and above their normal job performance. When they don't know (at the time): it gives a realistic view of how an employee/company does their job or conducts business. And it helps to access their good points and areas where they may need work. It's not necessarily a way to try to get someone fired. I had someone tell me of where a company was thinking that their employees were stealing from them. They sent in a video shopper. And to their surprise, it wasn't the employees. It was the general public. So, it's good to know that it can help employees as well. And it's not about just busting someone (getting them in trouble with their boss).
Anyways, I guess everyone has their own opinions about video shopping. But I think it's definitely got some good things about it. And it is legal. And the pay can be really good especially if a person's a seasoned professional.
Will you add me on to your coupon list please...... I don't know how to message you privately but if you do please message me....Thanks!
I don't know how to message you privately but if you do please message me....Thanks!
BBird0701 Wrote:
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>
> I am really OCD, and get the ads in advance. I
> type out all of the sales and corresponding
> coupons, and then the final price. I organize them
> by store, and write out the full transaction
> scenario.
Hi, BBird, I appreicate the great advice you were providing for the OP. I just felt I had to point out that you are not "OCD". OCD is a seriously disabling anxiety disorder that can leave people nearly emotionally crippled and in deep pain. I am a therapist specializing in OCD treatment, and not to be mean, but just to educate, I can't stand it when someone uses this disorder to describe being organized. It's simply not accurate and it's as offensive to me as if you said you were "so cancer" or "so diabetes" about something. So I would greatly appreciate it if you would not use this term so lightly. Thanks so much. I know you didn't mean any harm. By the way, the reason I specialize in OCD treatment is because I too, have it.
A couple of the many articles that cover this topic.
Pssst...OCD is NOT an Adjective
by Jeff Bell
Actually, your friend is not "so OCD."
Dear Readers Without OCD,
On behalf of the OCD community, I'd--
Yikes! I can only imagine how pretentious that must sound. Who am I to speak on behalf of the OCD community? It's not as if we're some organized group (though I suppose many of us, ourselves, are extremely organized) or that we require membership in some exclusive club (imagine the Purell involved in that secret handshake!). That said, if you'll indulge me, I will, in fact, attempt to speak here on behalf of the vast majority of OCD sufferers that I've had the opportunity to meet in my outreach travels. I've come to find that we, collectively, have a gentle reminder we'd like to pass along, ever so respectfully:
"OCD" is not an adjective; and more to the point, it is not a synonym for fastidious or anal-retentive.
Perhaps you've noticed this growing misuse. Maybe you, yourself, are even guilty of an occasional infraction. (It's okay; we forgive you.) I'm talking about comments such as this: "My boyfriend is so OCD about keeping his apartment clean." Or this: "Ever since starting high school, I've become so OCD about doing my homework." I overhear someone saying something like this at least once or twice a week. And if you think I'm overstating the trend, try this little experiment: type the words "so OCD" into a Google or Twitter search box and tally up the results. (Just don't spend too much time doing this, lest some misguided observer accuses you of being so OCD about research.)
Why all the fuss, Bell? I hear you asking, and it's a legitimate question. My short answer is that OCD remains one of the most misunderstood and misrepresented mental health challenges out there, and this is a key juncture for those of us involved in OCD outreach. On the one hand, we're thrilled to see the term becoming part of the American vernacular; on the other, we can't help but worry about (though we try not to obsess over) its increasing misuse. Hence, I am compelled (though not compulsively driven) to attempt to set the record straight here.
Distress vs. Pleasure: OCD, in its correct usage, is an acronym for obsessive compulsive disorder--an often-debilitating anxiety disorder, marked by intrusive, disturbing thoughts (obsessions), and repetitive, counterproductive behaviors (compulsions) aimed solely at ridding oneself of the disturbing thoughts. Individuals with OCD grapple with brains shown (through neuroimaging) to be both structurally and functionally different from non-OCD brains. And most importantly--at least for this blog--is this: those of us with OCD derive absolutely no pleasure or true benefit from our quirky behavior. In fact, our behavior gets in the way of our everyday functioning and leads to great distress when we can't engage in it. This is key, especially in differentiating OCD-driven behaviors from non-OCD-driven behaviors that might look like OCD-driven behaviors, since the latter DO tend to generate pleasure and/or benefit, and do NOT tend to lead to distress when stopped or prevented.
…………. My walk-in closet is, well, a thing of beauty. Starting from the left and working toward the right, my suits and sport coats, dress pants, casual pants, long-sleeved dress shirts, short-sleeved dress shirts, long-sleeved casual shirts, short-sleeved casual shirts, and, finally, T-shirts are arrayed in perfect order. And, yes, the hangers are color coded.
This is my OCD, right? Wrong, and here's why. I love my closet. I actually get a kick out of arranging the clothes items. (It brings me pleasure.) I can't imagine being late for work because I'm stuck rearranging the hangers. (My quirky "ordering" does not get in the way of my day.) And, while I enjoy seeing my clothes hanging as if in some department store, I can't ever recall feeling uneasy when they're not.
Contrast all this with my penchant for picking up rocks and twigs--an OCD compulsion during my worst years aimed at addressing the uncertainty posed by my doubt bully's nagging question What if one of those things kicks up into the spokes of a bicycle wheel and someone gets hurt? I hated having to pick up sidewalk debris, often watched by nearby pedestrians wondering what the heck I was doing. (I definitely derived no pleasure from this activity.) You can imagine how time-consuming this process could be. (It definitely got in the way of my day.) And during my recovery years, when I tried to resist picking up the rocks and twigs I passed, I often found myself forced to double back several blocks later because of my seeming inability to deal with the doubt discomfort. (Refraining from this compulsion made me very anxious indeed.)
So, to recap: (1) I am quite meticulous about my closet. (2) My OCD challenges long included the compulsive urge to pick up rocks and twigs. And (3) I am not "so OCD" about any behaviors.
OCD vs. OCPD: At the risk of further complicating the whole matter, I can't help but mention one other source of confusion surrounding OCD--namely, OCPD, an acronym for "obsessive compulsive personality disorder." This unfortunately-named disorder has nothing to do with OCD, neurologically speaking, though it's certainly possible for someone to be diagnosed with both. To sort all this out, I've enlisted the help of James Claiborn, Ph.D., another member of the International OCD Foundation Scientific Advisory Board. About OCPD, Dr. Claiborn writes: "OCPD is a personality disorder. This means it is a disorder made up of enduring traits or patterns of behavior. While these traits may be seen as maladaptive or interfering with function the person with the personality disorder thinks the traits are reasonable and make sense. People with OCPD tend to be preoccupied with rules so much that they may miss the point of what is going on. They tend to be perfectionistic, rigid, stubborn and miserly."
Anyone else humming the theme to The Odd Couple right now? Picturing Felix Unger fastidiously cleaning their apartment? Okay then. Lest I get accused of being "so OCPD," I suppose it's time for me to wrap this up. And, since I'm speaking on behalf of the OCD community, I will also thank you on behalf of the OCD community. We greatly appreciate your help in keeping OCD from becoming a misplaced and misused adjective, and we suspect grammarians everywhere are grateful as well.
and
OCD is sadly one of the most misunderstood conditions in the world
By Jack
OCD is sadly one of the most misunderstood conditions in the world. A condition the World Health Organisation (somewhat an authority on health!) regards as one of the top 10 most debilitating a human being can suffer from. Despite this, the term ‘OCD’ is still flippantly used all over the world on a daily basis. Just go and search twitter right now for 'ocd' to find proof and find hundreds of people 'so wishing I had OCD #likeclean' or 'aaah I'm so OCD about my iTunes!!'. These people do not realise how serious the condition is, all they know is what TV, celebrities or pop culture tells them and we have some silly opinions.
Most of these people are just ignorant in an innocent sense. They are not meaning to mock the condition that has ruined my life on several occasions, they are just unfortunately conditioned by media/society portrayals.
Common assumptions about OCD make explaining it harder
By Thea
My most recent job was a graduate internship working with students within the Christian Union at my university. Whilst my bosses had always been aware and supportive of my struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I’ve never really felt like this is something one should share too openly for fear of being regarded as ‘crazy’.
This is clearly a result of my own prejudice or society’s general stigma against mental health issues. “If I tell people”, I think to myself, “that makes me different”, and not different in a cool way. But different in an ‘uh-oh, mental alert’ kind of way.
When I was a teenager (before my official diagnosis but aware that something was not quite right) calling people ‘crazy’ as a joke was totally fine. Being called ‘mad’ now doesn’t bother me: people are generally referring to my loud, outgoing personality.
But telling people you have a recognized mental health issue is quite another matter. It’s not cool to admit you’ve been frightened to go outside the house on your own or that you get overly anxious about what is everyday life for most people.
This is why standing up in front of a group of and openly disclosing that my year had been hard, due to OCD, was not something I imagined that I’d do. However, it dawned on me throughout this year that there’s no point in me talking about ending mental health stigma if I’m not prepared to be open about my own experience.
I’m sure most of us who have struggled with mental health issues would want to end the stigma surrounding it but no one wants to be the first to stand up and admit that everything’s not all rosy for them. Even within Christian circles, people often still do not want to admit that they have problems, that every day isn’t filled with happiness and that we have the same struggles as others.
At some points I’d lost hope because of struggling with OCD
At the end of my internship we had to present our thoughts on the last year to our fellow interns. I felt I couldn’t be honest about the year without admitting what a huge influence OCD had had on it. I talked about the ‘highs’ of my year before stating that it had been really hard and that at some points I’d lost hope because of struggling with OCD. Even that small disclosure, admitting to 70-odd people what I would usually only tell in confidence to good friends, felt huge. Instantly the worry is that people who you don’t know are judging you or making assumptions about how you act.
OCD is so often stereotyped but actually not well understood by the majority so there are worries about the judgements people will make out of ignorance. For instance, I imagine that unless people actually ask me about it, the majority would have thought I repeatedly switch lights on and off or wash my hands. Don’t get me wrong: these are common and hugely destructive forms of OCD. However, as someone who has not struggled with those particular compulsions, it can feel hard to explain what goes on in my head.
Common assumptions about OCD] made explaining my OCD even harder because I feel like I don’t ‘fit the bill’
There’s been many a comical moment when, on disclosing OCD to friends, they’ve commented on my untidy room or the number of mugs that lie around unwashed for days. Whilst these are common and understandable assumptions, it’s made explaining my OCD even harder because I feel like I don’t ‘fit the bill’. When I first went to my doctor and she gave me the diagnosis, I disregarded it: ‘I’m not washing my hands or constantly rearranging the spoons, so it can’t be OCD’.
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I too suffer the intrusive thoughts that ocd brings. Whilst upon reflection I realize this is something I have suffered at varying degrees throughout my life, nothing could have prepared me for how this illness affected me following giving birth to my daughter. Thoughts of harming my daughter (common post natally) left me too frightened to be in the house by myself in case i did something. Things are better but ocd remains in my life, and the guilt from intrusive thoughts is hard to manage.
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A year ago i was diagnosed with the disorder and it made my life so hard at the time especially with a young daughter i didn't know what was the matter with me I have always been a bubbly happy go lucky kind of girl so when I was a teenager & started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks I couldn't understand it and overtime it got worse but i just dealt with it until it got so bad and I was constantly worried I was always looking for reassurance to know I was ok.
Luckily with the help of amazing family and the determination to beat the OCD I managed to pull myself out of one of the hardest times of my life. I enjoy my life now and say to myself it's just a thought it will pass or yes I know I have checked the plugs i don't need to again and get on with my day its not always easy but it is achievable, ocd doesn't control my life anymore of course I get down days but that's mainly if I'm stressed I believe a positive outlook, not taking life too serious and self-help such as meditation, being healthy and keeping myself occupied helps a lot.
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It sounds as though you suffer like me with what is commonly referred to as Pure-O OCD. With Pure-O OCD there are no obvious external symptoms such as hand washing, checking etc...but there are nonetheless compulsions which are performed mentally which is why calling it Pure-O is somewhat of a contradiction. It's our way of dealing with the nasty intrusive thoughts such as harming ourselves or others, blasphemous, incestuous etc all of which we find repulsive but are unable to completely stop/control. It's our OCD that jumps on these thoughts and makes us obsess about them which in turn triggers more and more of them. Most articles I have read about these thoughts confirm that everyone has them but the Non-OCD mind dismisses them instantly.
The good news is there are many articles that detail this condition online and it does bring re-assurance that you are not the only one with this condition. When I discussed my condition with my GP he was very off hand and refused to accept my self diagnosis but what he did do was refer me to a local mental health consultant who was very well informed and he more or less confirmed my diagnosis. I wish you all the very best with your future and always remember you are not crazy, mad, weird.....you are just someone who has a mental disorder which whilst at times can be debilitating is also what makes you the strong person you are xx
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OCD is about neatness and tidiness, isn't it?
By Elli, May 28, 2013
OCD... Oh yeah... OCD is about neatness and tidiness, isn't it? It's about keeping things in order... It's washing your hands a lot...
This was my, and I’m sure many other people's, view of OCD. In fact, I make fun of myself a lot because I am incredibly untidy. I wish I had the tidiness part of OCD I claim... But I know that really I wish I didn't experience this condition at all.
People laugh about the compulsions that can come with OCD. I know, I have done it myself. With a laugh they say "Oh I've got that! I check the door all the time," or "I know what you mean, I'm a neat freak." This makes any explanation harder in some ways because they may just do these things with no compulsion involved.
I have not told many people about the OCD thing, lots of people know that I have anxiety and depression but when people think that OCD is all about tidiness because that’s what TV shows them, then how can I explain my OCD. I worry that people will not believe me because if I was washing my hands or keeping my stuff majorly tidy, then you would be able to see it. My OCD is hidden in my head and leaves me with this crippling anxiety so that I can't function properly.
The people that I have told are the people that I knew would make the big effort to understand anyway. The people that have been there for me when I have been off work with anxiety and the people who ask how I am and care about the answer. The fact that it requires a huge explanation puts me off. I have to explain the condition first, that it is about obsessing and compulsions, not that it is about tidiness, then move on to how it is for me.
These people have been ace but I wish I could be more open about it. It's the fear of people thinking I should just be able to ignore it all and the lack of understanding of what OCD can be that puts me off. Ideally, I would love to be able to explain to more people and all I ask is that they do what the people I have already told did... put their previous experience to one side and listen to how it is for me.
It has taken me until this year to realize that OCD is what I have been living with for the last 24 years. I always thought I was simply rubbish at enjoying things, at living in the moment, at being sociable with others. But what I didn't know, was that the constant buzz in my head is not normal or at least it's not what everyone else experiences. This is because I understood OCD in the same way most others did (cleaning, tidying, ordering) Until I saw one TV programme that showed me different.
My head is like a horrible person, picking up on all the negative feelings I have about myself and obsessively bombarding me with them. I am told how rubbish I am, how sad, how nobody wants anything to do with me and that I will never be 'normal', whatever that means. This isn't a voice in my head, it's me telling me, which is why it is nearly impossible to fight. I compulsively pick away at myself, I question everything and if I can see the negative in something then I do.
This is not low self-esteem, this is obsessive worrying and compulsive thinking causing pain... I can't just ignore them all the time. I am not giving in to them. It hurts and it's hard.
I am writing this in the hope that other people might identify with what I am talking about (though I wouldn't wish this on anyone) and because I think the more people speak out and support each other, the easier it may become. Also I want people to understand that OCD can be different things for different people. It would be great if people could remember that it stands for “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” and not “Obsessive Cleaning Disorder”.
Reply: My OCD is almost identical, and my problems explaining it to people at definitely similar! People say things like, but everyone wants to do well, or everyone worries what people think, and whilst I agree to a certain degree, I'm fairly sure it doesn't stop them going out (when at it's worst) or leave them unable to sleep or eat. Not sure if you experience daydreaming / repetitive thought loops but those are both vile to live with and hard to explain also! Thanks for writing this, it's good to know it's not just me.
Reply: As a fellow sufferer of OCD, I completely agree and think that everyone lightens up the illness and thinks that everyone has a bit of it in themselves. Which therefore in return can make us feel worse about ourselves, like we aren't being listened to or our pain isn't as bad as we know it is. So in actual fact society's view and ideas around OCD are just effectively making us feel worse about ourselves and our condition! OCD is not just about tidying and being neat. You are completely right, and I feel I can relate to what you are saying and feeling. I believe that this is a very stigmatised mental illness, and not just a couple of habits people believe make them have OCD. Like you said, I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone in the world. I hope we manage to make a difference.
Reply: I read this with interest as I have experienced & still experience this. I have suffered with OCD, anxiety & panic for most of my life (I'm 32) my ocd manifests itself in a similar way, extreme, obsessive worrying thoughts, I am currently centering my life around my fears & take steps (safety behaviours) to try & cope with the anxiety & panic attacks. I have become used to that negative, fearful voice in my head & it was only when life got really hard & restricted 7 years ago that I was given the label of obsessive compulsive disorder.
I'm still trying to find a way to cope with this as its currently controlling my life & my partners as well as affecting my young family & friends. To the outside looking in, I have a beautiful home & a beautiful healthy family & I have made a name for myself in the creative industry, but my life is crippled with anxiety & OCD & I hope very soon to turn the corner! Thanks for putting stories like this on blogs, it's very helpful! It’s hard that others can’t see what is in our heads, though I would hate someone to experience what we do.. but I often think how would others cope if they had to deal with my brain in their head. This is the truest thing I’ve read for a long time, nobody understands how awful it is!
Reply: I understand what you are saying. Being a fellow sufferer of depression and anxiety with a chronic case of insomnia I know what it is like to obsess. Over the years I have come to some understandings, though, for me. I know the things I do well in life and they do not require much in the way of conscious thought to continue doing them well. So I tend to focus on the things I don't do well. But then I tend to do so almost exclusively and I get to the point where I over-identify with the "brokenness". As such I mentally label myself as a broken person and manifest that in all aspects of my life. That leads to me having an obsessive desire to control as many things in my life that I possibly can in an effort to either lessen the negative impact or, hopefully, to gain back some lost ground. It's like I now say, "When does one feel the strongest desire to control? When one feels least in control." Once I recognize that I am doing that I can usually deconstruct it and eventually work my way out of the tail spin. Usually.. but not always. I hope that this gives you some useful / meaningful insight that you can use.
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This hits terribly close to home. I never thought about this part of my struggles as something isolated from the depression and the anxiety (as it was usually filed away under "low self-esteem"
, but maybe it is. Ironically, it was a part of my last therapy to be "nicer to myself", to consider if I would treat a friend the same way I would treat myself (aiming at a change in behavior towards myself).
Thank you so much for highlighting the very real condition on Pure OCD. So often on TV we see only the contamination, checking or order type, but very little attention is paid to Pure-O and the subtypes within that such as Homosexual OCD, Relationship OCD to name just two. Hence when sufferers of Pure O try to explain themselves they get dismissed because 'you're really messy, so you can't have it', or even worse things along the lines of 'well if you're having these thoughts, then you probably are gay/a paedophile/do want to kill your child/(insert OCD fear as appropriate)'. The very real existence of living inside your head is debilitating. But it can be overcome with understanding, knowledge and good 'fight back' strategies. As any sufferer or ex-sufferer can tell you, you can't completely erase that OCD tendency from the back of your mind (after all it's just how your brain is wired), but you CAN move on from whatever your OCD fear is and live the life you want so that the OCD you once couldn't comprehend living without becaomes a distant memory.
You've managed to sum up my OCD better than any book has done
When I confided in a so-called friend about my mental health issues he flippantly said "Oh yeah, I check I've locked the door several times as well!". This person also worked for Mind, which was very worrying. Your description about seeing the negative - "I compulsively pick away at myself, I question everything and if I can see the negative in something then I do" - is exactly what I do. But, as you say, it is very difficult to encapsulate all the thoughts which go on in our heads (which makes up OCD) if not impossible. I was told by my therapist recently I have what psychologists call "Pure OCD" as in the condition is primarily in my head rather than externally through compulsive behavior (tapping doors etc) but I do have a major hang-up about having clean hands. I had to be reassured I had OCD because another therapist once told me when I was explaining the thoughts in my head "Oh, that's not OCD" when in fact it is. OCD sufferers who have negative thoughts about themselves can reduce these thoughts by learning how to reassure themselves, with literally simple things like "it's OK", "I know, it's ok to feel anxious about x etc", just as you would to a child. Even as adults, if we weren't taught these vital skills by our parents (because they didn't reassure us), we need to learn them as we would as a child - that is entirely the right thing to do. A final point I'd like to make is the issue with men admitting they suffer from OCD, anxiety conditions etc. Society paints these as women's issues ("neurotic women" etc) as if only women suffer from mental health conditions. Well, I am a man and I suffer greatly from OCD and anxiety.
Reply: I am happy to see people speak out about this twisted side to OCD. People need to be more aware about OCD in general, as it can eventually develop into it's own form of depression, one that is almost impossible to shake off, no corner of the world is hidden from this all seeing eye of the beholder, stalking and mocking you and in reality it is your own head, but the voice feels real without actually being real. It is important to society we start taking this seriously. I would like to see this being taken into consideration within the same level as Autism, Aspergers syndrome (Part of the Autistic spectrum) and ADHD.
Reply: I have just recently been diagnosed with OCD. I also had heard of it and thought it was to do with constant cleaning and cleanliness , but I’ve come to realize differently, I’m in exactly the same boat as yourself. I can’t live a normal life because of OCD. I constantly pick away at myself too. I try to make myself like me but because of all the negative thoughts I have I find this frustratingly hard to do, and I constantly worry what people are thinking of me (and its always some thing bad). I now don't mix with people which is kinda making my situation worse as now when I do come into contact with people I’m not sure what to say or do. I’ve totally lost who I am... who I used to be. I do a lot of that talking to myself in my head, and tell myself I’m not good enough, I’m not trustworthy, people don't like me etc. etc, It really makes me feel like a nobody, and pulling myself away from people makes me feel even more like a nobody, and I’m so depressed and my anxiety levels are way high. I have panic attacks and just basically feel so empty and alone
Reply: ...it's so nice to see someone putting out there what OCD is actually about. It's all about the compulsions which you have to obey. For some it is the need to obsessively clean or wash hands, to me this form makes sense, you are trying to eradicate germs which could actually do harm. It is what I jokingly call the 'useful' form of OCD. For others though, me included, it is a different story. The need to set the cushions exactly right, to position a door key correctly in a lock, to kiss each child 3 times whilst they sleep and all the other instructions which pop randomly into your head - these needs seem silly to others, or funny, but they are not and you can't disobey them for the overwhelming fear of 'something bad' happening. You can't rationalise it you just have to do it, live with it and keep control of it as best as you can.
Reply: The idea of OCD as being all about cleaning is so prevalent and it's so frustrating. Like you it took me years to realise that the intrusive thoughts I was dealing with were a symptom of OCD. I spent years having to do certain things - many of them I think of as my 'thinking rituals' - to combat the seemingly constant fears and anxieties that never left me alone. I spent much of my childhood and teenage years terrified that someone bad was going to happen to loved ones and going through these rituals when ever I had those thoughts was the only way I had to control them. It was as if I felt if I didn't do these things then my fears would become reality. To this day I still have similar compulsions related to my social anxiety.
It was only through talking with a close friend who also has OCD that I realized this was what I had. For my friend, her compulsions were based around cleaning and tidying, to a degree. But even when it presents like that that doesn't make it any easier to talk about. People tease her all the time for being so tidy without ever realizing that actually, it's a problem. It takes over her life.
There are times when she can't leave the house because she can't shake the feeling that something isn't quite right. Or she stays up until the wee hours checking that everything is in exactly the right place because if it isn't, she can't relax and actually rest. It's never a case of simply being particularly organized and tidy, for her a single speck of dust can mean several days of non-stop cleaning and tidying because she can't shake the thought that she needs her home to be exactly in order to stop things going wrong elsewhere in her life.
OCD is such a difficult thing to live with and talk about. Particularly when people often react with 'but you're not a tidy person' and are then resistant to the idea. I have even had someone tell me that I couldn't have OCD because I was too messy and perhaps my compulsive thinking and behavior was a sign of schizophrenia instead. There is so little understanding out there, but what is worse is that people think they do understand because they have come across the idea of OCD as being about cleanliness or tidiness.
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I have been suffering with OCD for the past 5 years. I didn’t know it was OCD until last year. OCD made my life a living hell. I would have obsessive thoughts like 'am I good?, am I honest?" am I going to die? do people trust me ? Reassurance seeking became essential. I even used to get thoughts like 'the person sitting beside me has common cold. Will I be affected ' There have been sleepless nights .It’s has disrupted my social life. The worst feeling that comes with it is that no body understands it at all even if I tell them. They think I am making up things and finding excuses for not doing my work correctly. The only way people with OCD can get back control of their life is by staying strong and by creating awareness about OCD among everyone so that people try to understand such sufferers. I have been able to control my obsessions to an extent. Though I am still scared it may relapse. Thanks for letting people open up and learn that we are not the only ones suffering.
Reply: You really hit the nail on the head, I've suffered with OCD as long as I can remember, obviously as a child I didn't know that it was OCD but looking back the counting compulsions were there. However, more recently it has been more pure OCD but with the odd compulsion. At the moment I'm managing it really well, but when it spikes my head is the worst place to be, I'm very lucky to have such supportive family and friends! Thanks for such an honest article
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>
> I am really OCD, and get the ads in advance. I
> type out all of the sales and corresponding
> coupons, and then the final price. I organize them
> by store, and write out the full transaction
> scenario.
Hi, BBird, I appreicate the great advice you were providing for the OP. I just felt I had to point out that you are not "OCD". OCD is a seriously disabling anxiety disorder that can leave people nearly emotionally crippled and in deep pain. I am a therapist specializing in OCD treatment, and not to be mean, but just to educate, I can't stand it when someone uses this disorder to describe being organized. It's simply not accurate and it's as offensive to me as if you said you were "so cancer" or "so diabetes" about something. So I would greatly appreciate it if you would not use this term so lightly. Thanks so much. I know you didn't mean any harm. By the way, the reason I specialize in OCD treatment is because I too, have it.
A couple of the many articles that cover this topic.
Pssst...OCD is NOT an Adjective
by Jeff Bell
Actually, your friend is not "so OCD."
Dear Readers Without OCD,
On behalf of the OCD community, I'd--
Yikes! I can only imagine how pretentious that must sound. Who am I to speak on behalf of the OCD community? It's not as if we're some organized group (though I suppose many of us, ourselves, are extremely organized) or that we require membership in some exclusive club (imagine the Purell involved in that secret handshake!). That said, if you'll indulge me, I will, in fact, attempt to speak here on behalf of the vast majority of OCD sufferers that I've had the opportunity to meet in my outreach travels. I've come to find that we, collectively, have a gentle reminder we'd like to pass along, ever so respectfully:
"OCD" is not an adjective; and more to the point, it is not a synonym for fastidious or anal-retentive.
Perhaps you've noticed this growing misuse. Maybe you, yourself, are even guilty of an occasional infraction. (It's okay; we forgive you.) I'm talking about comments such as this: "My boyfriend is so OCD about keeping his apartment clean." Or this: "Ever since starting high school, I've become so OCD about doing my homework." I overhear someone saying something like this at least once or twice a week. And if you think I'm overstating the trend, try this little experiment: type the words "so OCD" into a Google or Twitter search box and tally up the results. (Just don't spend too much time doing this, lest some misguided observer accuses you of being so OCD about research.)
Why all the fuss, Bell? I hear you asking, and it's a legitimate question. My short answer is that OCD remains one of the most misunderstood and misrepresented mental health challenges out there, and this is a key juncture for those of us involved in OCD outreach. On the one hand, we're thrilled to see the term becoming part of the American vernacular; on the other, we can't help but worry about (though we try not to obsess over) its increasing misuse. Hence, I am compelled (though not compulsively driven) to attempt to set the record straight here.
Distress vs. Pleasure: OCD, in its correct usage, is an acronym for obsessive compulsive disorder--an often-debilitating anxiety disorder, marked by intrusive, disturbing thoughts (obsessions), and repetitive, counterproductive behaviors (compulsions) aimed solely at ridding oneself of the disturbing thoughts. Individuals with OCD grapple with brains shown (through neuroimaging) to be both structurally and functionally different from non-OCD brains. And most importantly--at least for this blog--is this: those of us with OCD derive absolutely no pleasure or true benefit from our quirky behavior. In fact, our behavior gets in the way of our everyday functioning and leads to great distress when we can't engage in it. This is key, especially in differentiating OCD-driven behaviors from non-OCD-driven behaviors that might look like OCD-driven behaviors, since the latter DO tend to generate pleasure and/or benefit, and do NOT tend to lead to distress when stopped or prevented.
…………. My walk-in closet is, well, a thing of beauty. Starting from the left and working toward the right, my suits and sport coats, dress pants, casual pants, long-sleeved dress shirts, short-sleeved dress shirts, long-sleeved casual shirts, short-sleeved casual shirts, and, finally, T-shirts are arrayed in perfect order. And, yes, the hangers are color coded.
This is my OCD, right? Wrong, and here's why. I love my closet. I actually get a kick out of arranging the clothes items. (It brings me pleasure.) I can't imagine being late for work because I'm stuck rearranging the hangers. (My quirky "ordering" does not get in the way of my day.) And, while I enjoy seeing my clothes hanging as if in some department store, I can't ever recall feeling uneasy when they're not.
Contrast all this with my penchant for picking up rocks and twigs--an OCD compulsion during my worst years aimed at addressing the uncertainty posed by my doubt bully's nagging question What if one of those things kicks up into the spokes of a bicycle wheel and someone gets hurt? I hated having to pick up sidewalk debris, often watched by nearby pedestrians wondering what the heck I was doing. (I definitely derived no pleasure from this activity.) You can imagine how time-consuming this process could be. (It definitely got in the way of my day.) And during my recovery years, when I tried to resist picking up the rocks and twigs I passed, I often found myself forced to double back several blocks later because of my seeming inability to deal with the doubt discomfort. (Refraining from this compulsion made me very anxious indeed.)
So, to recap: (1) I am quite meticulous about my closet. (2) My OCD challenges long included the compulsive urge to pick up rocks and twigs. And (3) I am not "so OCD" about any behaviors.
OCD vs. OCPD: At the risk of further complicating the whole matter, I can't help but mention one other source of confusion surrounding OCD--namely, OCPD, an acronym for "obsessive compulsive personality disorder." This unfortunately-named disorder has nothing to do with OCD, neurologically speaking, though it's certainly possible for someone to be diagnosed with both. To sort all this out, I've enlisted the help of James Claiborn, Ph.D., another member of the International OCD Foundation Scientific Advisory Board. About OCPD, Dr. Claiborn writes: "OCPD is a personality disorder. This means it is a disorder made up of enduring traits or patterns of behavior. While these traits may be seen as maladaptive or interfering with function the person with the personality disorder thinks the traits are reasonable and make sense. People with OCPD tend to be preoccupied with rules so much that they may miss the point of what is going on. They tend to be perfectionistic, rigid, stubborn and miserly."
Anyone else humming the theme to The Odd Couple right now? Picturing Felix Unger fastidiously cleaning their apartment? Okay then. Lest I get accused of being "so OCPD," I suppose it's time for me to wrap this up. And, since I'm speaking on behalf of the OCD community, I will also thank you on behalf of the OCD community. We greatly appreciate your help in keeping OCD from becoming a misplaced and misused adjective, and we suspect grammarians everywhere are grateful as well.
and
OCD is sadly one of the most misunderstood conditions in the world
By Jack
OCD is sadly one of the most misunderstood conditions in the world. A condition the World Health Organisation (somewhat an authority on health!) regards as one of the top 10 most debilitating a human being can suffer from. Despite this, the term ‘OCD’ is still flippantly used all over the world on a daily basis. Just go and search twitter right now for 'ocd' to find proof and find hundreds of people 'so wishing I had OCD #likeclean' or 'aaah I'm so OCD about my iTunes!!'. These people do not realise how serious the condition is, all they know is what TV, celebrities or pop culture tells them and we have some silly opinions.
Most of these people are just ignorant in an innocent sense. They are not meaning to mock the condition that has ruined my life on several occasions, they are just unfortunately conditioned by media/society portrayals.
Common assumptions about OCD make explaining it harder
By Thea
My most recent job was a graduate internship working with students within the Christian Union at my university. Whilst my bosses had always been aware and supportive of my struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I’ve never really felt like this is something one should share too openly for fear of being regarded as ‘crazy’.
This is clearly a result of my own prejudice or society’s general stigma against mental health issues. “If I tell people”, I think to myself, “that makes me different”, and not different in a cool way. But different in an ‘uh-oh, mental alert’ kind of way.
When I was a teenager (before my official diagnosis but aware that something was not quite right) calling people ‘crazy’ as a joke was totally fine. Being called ‘mad’ now doesn’t bother me: people are generally referring to my loud, outgoing personality.
But telling people you have a recognized mental health issue is quite another matter. It’s not cool to admit you’ve been frightened to go outside the house on your own or that you get overly anxious about what is everyday life for most people.
This is why standing up in front of a group of and openly disclosing that my year had been hard, due to OCD, was not something I imagined that I’d do. However, it dawned on me throughout this year that there’s no point in me talking about ending mental health stigma if I’m not prepared to be open about my own experience.
I’m sure most of us who have struggled with mental health issues would want to end the stigma surrounding it but no one wants to be the first to stand up and admit that everything’s not all rosy for them. Even within Christian circles, people often still do not want to admit that they have problems, that every day isn’t filled with happiness and that we have the same struggles as others.
At some points I’d lost hope because of struggling with OCD
At the end of my internship we had to present our thoughts on the last year to our fellow interns. I felt I couldn’t be honest about the year without admitting what a huge influence OCD had had on it. I talked about the ‘highs’ of my year before stating that it had been really hard and that at some points I’d lost hope because of struggling with OCD. Even that small disclosure, admitting to 70-odd people what I would usually only tell in confidence to good friends, felt huge. Instantly the worry is that people who you don’t know are judging you or making assumptions about how you act.
OCD is so often stereotyped but actually not well understood by the majority so there are worries about the judgements people will make out of ignorance. For instance, I imagine that unless people actually ask me about it, the majority would have thought I repeatedly switch lights on and off or wash my hands. Don’t get me wrong: these are common and hugely destructive forms of OCD. However, as someone who has not struggled with those particular compulsions, it can feel hard to explain what goes on in my head.
Common assumptions about OCD] made explaining my OCD even harder because I feel like I don’t ‘fit the bill’
There’s been many a comical moment when, on disclosing OCD to friends, they’ve commented on my untidy room or the number of mugs that lie around unwashed for days. Whilst these are common and understandable assumptions, it’s made explaining my OCD even harder because I feel like I don’t ‘fit the bill’. When I first went to my doctor and she gave me the diagnosis, I disregarded it: ‘I’m not washing my hands or constantly rearranging the spoons, so it can’t be OCD’.
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I too suffer the intrusive thoughts that ocd brings. Whilst upon reflection I realize this is something I have suffered at varying degrees throughout my life, nothing could have prepared me for how this illness affected me following giving birth to my daughter. Thoughts of harming my daughter (common post natally) left me too frightened to be in the house by myself in case i did something. Things are better but ocd remains in my life, and the guilt from intrusive thoughts is hard to manage.
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A year ago i was diagnosed with the disorder and it made my life so hard at the time especially with a young daughter i didn't know what was the matter with me I have always been a bubbly happy go lucky kind of girl so when I was a teenager & started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks I couldn't understand it and overtime it got worse but i just dealt with it until it got so bad and I was constantly worried I was always looking for reassurance to know I was ok.
Luckily with the help of amazing family and the determination to beat the OCD I managed to pull myself out of one of the hardest times of my life. I enjoy my life now and say to myself it's just a thought it will pass or yes I know I have checked the plugs i don't need to again and get on with my day its not always easy but it is achievable, ocd doesn't control my life anymore of course I get down days but that's mainly if I'm stressed I believe a positive outlook, not taking life too serious and self-help such as meditation, being healthy and keeping myself occupied helps a lot.
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It sounds as though you suffer like me with what is commonly referred to as Pure-O OCD. With Pure-O OCD there are no obvious external symptoms such as hand washing, checking etc...but there are nonetheless compulsions which are performed mentally which is why calling it Pure-O is somewhat of a contradiction. It's our way of dealing with the nasty intrusive thoughts such as harming ourselves or others, blasphemous, incestuous etc all of which we find repulsive but are unable to completely stop/control. It's our OCD that jumps on these thoughts and makes us obsess about them which in turn triggers more and more of them. Most articles I have read about these thoughts confirm that everyone has them but the Non-OCD mind dismisses them instantly.
The good news is there are many articles that detail this condition online and it does bring re-assurance that you are not the only one with this condition. When I discussed my condition with my GP he was very off hand and refused to accept my self diagnosis but what he did do was refer me to a local mental health consultant who was very well informed and he more or less confirmed my diagnosis. I wish you all the very best with your future and always remember you are not crazy, mad, weird.....you are just someone who has a mental disorder which whilst at times can be debilitating is also what makes you the strong person you are xx
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OCD is about neatness and tidiness, isn't it?
By Elli, May 28, 2013
OCD... Oh yeah... OCD is about neatness and tidiness, isn't it? It's about keeping things in order... It's washing your hands a lot...
This was my, and I’m sure many other people's, view of OCD. In fact, I make fun of myself a lot because I am incredibly untidy. I wish I had the tidiness part of OCD I claim... But I know that really I wish I didn't experience this condition at all.
People laugh about the compulsions that can come with OCD. I know, I have done it myself. With a laugh they say "Oh I've got that! I check the door all the time," or "I know what you mean, I'm a neat freak." This makes any explanation harder in some ways because they may just do these things with no compulsion involved.
I have not told many people about the OCD thing, lots of people know that I have anxiety and depression but when people think that OCD is all about tidiness because that’s what TV shows them, then how can I explain my OCD. I worry that people will not believe me because if I was washing my hands or keeping my stuff majorly tidy, then you would be able to see it. My OCD is hidden in my head and leaves me with this crippling anxiety so that I can't function properly.
The people that I have told are the people that I knew would make the big effort to understand anyway. The people that have been there for me when I have been off work with anxiety and the people who ask how I am and care about the answer. The fact that it requires a huge explanation puts me off. I have to explain the condition first, that it is about obsessing and compulsions, not that it is about tidiness, then move on to how it is for me.
These people have been ace but I wish I could be more open about it. It's the fear of people thinking I should just be able to ignore it all and the lack of understanding of what OCD can be that puts me off. Ideally, I would love to be able to explain to more people and all I ask is that they do what the people I have already told did... put their previous experience to one side and listen to how it is for me.
It has taken me until this year to realize that OCD is what I have been living with for the last 24 years. I always thought I was simply rubbish at enjoying things, at living in the moment, at being sociable with others. But what I didn't know, was that the constant buzz in my head is not normal or at least it's not what everyone else experiences. This is because I understood OCD in the same way most others did (cleaning, tidying, ordering) Until I saw one TV programme that showed me different.
My head is like a horrible person, picking up on all the negative feelings I have about myself and obsessively bombarding me with them. I am told how rubbish I am, how sad, how nobody wants anything to do with me and that I will never be 'normal', whatever that means. This isn't a voice in my head, it's me telling me, which is why it is nearly impossible to fight. I compulsively pick away at myself, I question everything and if I can see the negative in something then I do.
This is not low self-esteem, this is obsessive worrying and compulsive thinking causing pain... I can't just ignore them all the time. I am not giving in to them. It hurts and it's hard.
I am writing this in the hope that other people might identify with what I am talking about (though I wouldn't wish this on anyone) and because I think the more people speak out and support each other, the easier it may become. Also I want people to understand that OCD can be different things for different people. It would be great if people could remember that it stands for “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” and not “Obsessive Cleaning Disorder”.
Reply: My OCD is almost identical, and my problems explaining it to people at definitely similar! People say things like, but everyone wants to do well, or everyone worries what people think, and whilst I agree to a certain degree, I'm fairly sure it doesn't stop them going out (when at it's worst) or leave them unable to sleep or eat. Not sure if you experience daydreaming / repetitive thought loops but those are both vile to live with and hard to explain also! Thanks for writing this, it's good to know it's not just me.
Reply: As a fellow sufferer of OCD, I completely agree and think that everyone lightens up the illness and thinks that everyone has a bit of it in themselves. Which therefore in return can make us feel worse about ourselves, like we aren't being listened to or our pain isn't as bad as we know it is. So in actual fact society's view and ideas around OCD are just effectively making us feel worse about ourselves and our condition! OCD is not just about tidying and being neat. You are completely right, and I feel I can relate to what you are saying and feeling. I believe that this is a very stigmatised mental illness, and not just a couple of habits people believe make them have OCD. Like you said, I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone in the world. I hope we manage to make a difference.
Reply: I read this with interest as I have experienced & still experience this. I have suffered with OCD, anxiety & panic for most of my life (I'm 32) my ocd manifests itself in a similar way, extreme, obsessive worrying thoughts, I am currently centering my life around my fears & take steps (safety behaviours) to try & cope with the anxiety & panic attacks. I have become used to that negative, fearful voice in my head & it was only when life got really hard & restricted 7 years ago that I was given the label of obsessive compulsive disorder.
I'm still trying to find a way to cope with this as its currently controlling my life & my partners as well as affecting my young family & friends. To the outside looking in, I have a beautiful home & a beautiful healthy family & I have made a name for myself in the creative industry, but my life is crippled with anxiety & OCD & I hope very soon to turn the corner! Thanks for putting stories like this on blogs, it's very helpful! It’s hard that others can’t see what is in our heads, though I would hate someone to experience what we do.. but I often think how would others cope if they had to deal with my brain in their head. This is the truest thing I’ve read for a long time, nobody understands how awful it is!
Reply: I understand what you are saying. Being a fellow sufferer of depression and anxiety with a chronic case of insomnia I know what it is like to obsess. Over the years I have come to some understandings, though, for me. I know the things I do well in life and they do not require much in the way of conscious thought to continue doing them well. So I tend to focus on the things I don't do well. But then I tend to do so almost exclusively and I get to the point where I over-identify with the "brokenness". As such I mentally label myself as a broken person and manifest that in all aspects of my life. That leads to me having an obsessive desire to control as many things in my life that I possibly can in an effort to either lessen the negative impact or, hopefully, to gain back some lost ground. It's like I now say, "When does one feel the strongest desire to control? When one feels least in control." Once I recognize that I am doing that I can usually deconstruct it and eventually work my way out of the tail spin. Usually.. but not always. I hope that this gives you some useful / meaningful insight that you can use.
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This hits terribly close to home. I never thought about this part of my struggles as something isolated from the depression and the anxiety (as it was usually filed away under "low self-esteem"
, but maybe it is. Ironically, it was a part of my last therapy to be "nicer to myself", to consider if I would treat a friend the same way I would treat myself (aiming at a change in behavior towards myself).
Thank you so much for highlighting the very real condition on Pure OCD. So often on TV we see only the contamination, checking or order type, but very little attention is paid to Pure-O and the subtypes within that such as Homosexual OCD, Relationship OCD to name just two. Hence when sufferers of Pure O try to explain themselves they get dismissed because 'you're really messy, so you can't have it', or even worse things along the lines of 'well if you're having these thoughts, then you probably are gay/a paedophile/do want to kill your child/(insert OCD fear as appropriate)'. The very real existence of living inside your head is debilitating. But it can be overcome with understanding, knowledge and good 'fight back' strategies. As any sufferer or ex-sufferer can tell you, you can't completely erase that OCD tendency from the back of your mind (after all it's just how your brain is wired), but you CAN move on from whatever your OCD fear is and live the life you want so that the OCD you once couldn't comprehend living without becaomes a distant memory.
You've managed to sum up my OCD better than any book has done
When I confided in a so-called friend about my mental health issues he flippantly said "Oh yeah, I check I've locked the door several times as well!". This person also worked for Mind, which was very worrying. Your description about seeing the negative - "I compulsively pick away at myself, I question everything and if I can see the negative in something then I do" - is exactly what I do. But, as you say, it is very difficult to encapsulate all the thoughts which go on in our heads (which makes up OCD) if not impossible. I was told by my therapist recently I have what psychologists call "Pure OCD" as in the condition is primarily in my head rather than externally through compulsive behavior (tapping doors etc) but I do have a major hang-up about having clean hands. I had to be reassured I had OCD because another therapist once told me when I was explaining the thoughts in my head "Oh, that's not OCD" when in fact it is. OCD sufferers who have negative thoughts about themselves can reduce these thoughts by learning how to reassure themselves, with literally simple things like "it's OK", "I know, it's ok to feel anxious about x etc", just as you would to a child. Even as adults, if we weren't taught these vital skills by our parents (because they didn't reassure us), we need to learn them as we would as a child - that is entirely the right thing to do. A final point I'd like to make is the issue with men admitting they suffer from OCD, anxiety conditions etc. Society paints these as women's issues ("neurotic women" etc) as if only women suffer from mental health conditions. Well, I am a man and I suffer greatly from OCD and anxiety.
Reply: I am happy to see people speak out about this twisted side to OCD. People need to be more aware about OCD in general, as it can eventually develop into it's own form of depression, one that is almost impossible to shake off, no corner of the world is hidden from this all seeing eye of the beholder, stalking and mocking you and in reality it is your own head, but the voice feels real without actually being real. It is important to society we start taking this seriously. I would like to see this being taken into consideration within the same level as Autism, Aspergers syndrome (Part of the Autistic spectrum) and ADHD.
Reply: I have just recently been diagnosed with OCD. I also had heard of it and thought it was to do with constant cleaning and cleanliness , but I’ve come to realize differently, I’m in exactly the same boat as yourself. I can’t live a normal life because of OCD. I constantly pick away at myself too. I try to make myself like me but because of all the negative thoughts I have I find this frustratingly hard to do, and I constantly worry what people are thinking of me (and its always some thing bad). I now don't mix with people which is kinda making my situation worse as now when I do come into contact with people I’m not sure what to say or do. I’ve totally lost who I am... who I used to be. I do a lot of that talking to myself in my head, and tell myself I’m not good enough, I’m not trustworthy, people don't like me etc. etc, It really makes me feel like a nobody, and pulling myself away from people makes me feel even more like a nobody, and I’m so depressed and my anxiety levels are way high. I have panic attacks and just basically feel so empty and alone
Reply: ...it's so nice to see someone putting out there what OCD is actually about. It's all about the compulsions which you have to obey. For some it is the need to obsessively clean or wash hands, to me this form makes sense, you are trying to eradicate germs which could actually do harm. It is what I jokingly call the 'useful' form of OCD. For others though, me included, it is a different story. The need to set the cushions exactly right, to position a door key correctly in a lock, to kiss each child 3 times whilst they sleep and all the other instructions which pop randomly into your head - these needs seem silly to others, or funny, but they are not and you can't disobey them for the overwhelming fear of 'something bad' happening. You can't rationalise it you just have to do it, live with it and keep control of it as best as you can.
Reply: The idea of OCD as being all about cleaning is so prevalent and it's so frustrating. Like you it took me years to realise that the intrusive thoughts I was dealing with were a symptom of OCD. I spent years having to do certain things - many of them I think of as my 'thinking rituals' - to combat the seemingly constant fears and anxieties that never left me alone. I spent much of my childhood and teenage years terrified that someone bad was going to happen to loved ones and going through these rituals when ever I had those thoughts was the only way I had to control them. It was as if I felt if I didn't do these things then my fears would become reality. To this day I still have similar compulsions related to my social anxiety.
It was only through talking with a close friend who also has OCD that I realized this was what I had. For my friend, her compulsions were based around cleaning and tidying, to a degree. But even when it presents like that that doesn't make it any easier to talk about. People tease her all the time for being so tidy without ever realizing that actually, it's a problem. It takes over her life.
There are times when she can't leave the house because she can't shake the feeling that something isn't quite right. Or she stays up until the wee hours checking that everything is in exactly the right place because if it isn't, she can't relax and actually rest. It's never a case of simply being particularly organized and tidy, for her a single speck of dust can mean several days of non-stop cleaning and tidying because she can't shake the thought that she needs her home to be exactly in order to stop things going wrong elsewhere in her life.
OCD is such a difficult thing to live with and talk about. Particularly when people often react with 'but you're not a tidy person' and are then resistant to the idea. I have even had someone tell me that I couldn't have OCD because I was too messy and perhaps my compulsive thinking and behavior was a sign of schizophrenia instead. There is so little understanding out there, but what is worse is that people think they do understand because they have come across the idea of OCD as being about cleanliness or tidiness.
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I have been suffering with OCD for the past 5 years. I didn’t know it was OCD until last year. OCD made my life a living hell. I would have obsessive thoughts like 'am I good?, am I honest?" am I going to die? do people trust me ? Reassurance seeking became essential. I even used to get thoughts like 'the person sitting beside me has common cold. Will I be affected ' There have been sleepless nights .It’s has disrupted my social life. The worst feeling that comes with it is that no body understands it at all even if I tell them. They think I am making up things and finding excuses for not doing my work correctly. The only way people with OCD can get back control of their life is by staying strong and by creating awareness about OCD among everyone so that people try to understand such sufferers. I have been able to control my obsessions to an extent. Though I am still scared it may relapse. Thanks for letting people open up and learn that we are not the only ones suffering.
Reply: You really hit the nail on the head, I've suffered with OCD as long as I can remember, obviously as a child I didn't know that it was OCD but looking back the counting compulsions were there. However, more recently it has been more pure OCD but with the odd compulsion. At the moment I'm managing it really well, but when it spikes my head is the worst place to be, I'm very lucky to have such supportive family and friends! Thanks for such an honest article
No worries! It's pretty much impossible to offend me, seriously,... Valid constructive criticism wouldn't ever offend me. I'm a work in progress.
Now if you made fun of my knobby knees....
Now if you made fun of my knobby knees....
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Plan the work. Work the plan.
Plan the work. Work the plan.
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