I'm no longer half of a couple, so I can't shop!
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I've found that people tend to do that on this forum :-) I'm confident at some point you'll figure out your 'new normal' (whatever that looks like for you). In the meantime, please accept my condolences for your loss.@EileenS wrote:
This is getting a little far from my original post.
Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. Eleanor Roosevelt
@EileenS wrote:
Thanks for all the suggestions, comments and your condolences. In general, I am seeing couples that my husband and were friendly with gradually pulling away. Apparently they are not comfortable having a "third wheel." I was at an event where a woman asked me for a recommendation on a good seafood restaurant...I made a suggestion; she then turned to another friend and said "The four of us should go this weekend," meaning them and their husbands. Can you imagine asking me for the suggestion but not suggesting we all go. So, I don't know if its a generational thing or what, but it blows my mind that people in their 60s and 70s think this way -- don't they realize that we all will be in this situation in not that many years?? I've been asked why I am still wearing my wedding band (because it's been four months, we were married for 30 years, and I still am emotionally married). I could go on and on.....
My post was really addressing why MSCs won't let us bring an extra person, even if we don't expect reimbursement for that person's meal.
In my community, women go out to lunch together, but they don't leave their hubbys and do girls nights for dinner. That probably is a generational thing. I don't do many lunches because I work from home and lunches out take a bit chunk of the day. I do carry outs, bank shops, grocery shops; but I really miss dinner out and am not excited (at least yet) about eating alone in a restaurant...the idea for me is to get out, enjoy someone's company and not have to cook/clean.
Its one more frustration, but will have to deal with it! Thank you again for your suggestions.
My mother wore her wedding band until the day that she died which was almost 10 years to the day that my dad died.
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Motivation increases when we assume large responsibilities with a short deadline.
Motivation increases when we assume large responsibilities with a short deadline.
I am very sorry you lost your husband. I know it is a difficult change.
I do quite a few solo restaurant shops for Reality Based, A Closer Look and Sentry. There are lots of other type of shops -- my husband won't mystery shop so I only do solo.
I do quite a few solo restaurant shops for Reality Based, A Closer Look and Sentry. There are lots of other type of shops -- my husband won't mystery shop so I only do solo.
I wanted to tell the OP, I just saw Mercantile now has a restaurant for 3 on the boards in CA....not a fancy dinner house, but, it is for three.
Live consciously....
Thanks Irene, not in my area at the present, but I did see some carry-outs that could be possibilities in the future. Appreciate it!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2017 04:13AM by EileenS.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2017 04:13AM by EileenS.
Eileen S I feel your pain...really feel your pain as my husband suddenly passed away with no warning whatsoever in August. So far I have done only small mystery jobs. I have only read page one of the thread but look forward to reading other shoppers ideas on pages 2 and 3. The biggest problem I have in taking someone else other than my husband to fine dining is that once in a while I do not mind treating a friend to a nice dinner but mostly I only have a few friends I would feel secure enough with or are good enough friends with to feel they would step up to the plate and not mess up the job and at the same time recognize that this is a lot of work and I am not getting a free meal but am working hard for it so I really am treating them and not just cutting a coupon out of the paper and being nice and sharing with them. They think I just eat the meal and then answer a few questions and am done.They do not see me up til midnight writing a report.
Right now I have so many that I would like to invite who really came through for me during the ordeal I am going through but later on I am not so sure I want to do that long report with someone who thinks our meal is gratis.For sure I will miss dining with my husband and treating him to one of his favorite dishes that we really do not want to pay for in cash and I don't mind a glass of wine but really do not want a glass in the bar and one at the table. My husband gladly fulfilled that role for me.
EileenS pm me if you want a shoulder to cry on. And condolences to you.
Right now I have so many that I would like to invite who really came through for me during the ordeal I am going through but later on I am not so sure I want to do that long report with someone who thinks our meal is gratis.For sure I will miss dining with my husband and treating him to one of his favorite dishes that we really do not want to pay for in cash and I don't mind a glass of wine but really do not want a glass in the bar and one at the table. My husband gladly fulfilled that role for me.
EileenS pm me if you want a shoulder to cry on. And condolences to you.
Sandy F and Eileen, I send my sincere condolences to you both. I can only imagine how hard it has been and continues to be.
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The more I learn about people...the more I like my dog..
Mark Twain
The more I learn about people...the more I like my dog..
Mark Twain
I suggest asking any one of your married friends if they would like to meet for dinner, just the two of you. Perhaps because it is generational, no one has even thought to ask for that sort of night out. I was reading this not understanding why two people couldn't go out rather than three, but I also understand that you are asking why three people cannot go out rather than two. I think it is because it is more common for two people to go out, whether they be friends or a couple. I would not feel comfortable going out with a couple personally. I cannot think of a time when I have, actually. So maybe MSCs see that as odd, or something that would stand out? They always want us to be the normal client, until they assign us ridiculous questions to ask that is! 
Doing what I can to enhance the life of my family! I LOVE what I do 
@EileenS wrote:
This is getting a little far from my original post. I appreciate the responses that deal with the specific question about why MSC won't allow an extra person. I can't (nor can most of you) begin to understand why people react to newly-widowed (or newly-divorced) friends the way they do. But I feel like a couple of you are turning it on me, as it must be me not reaching out, etc. All I did is vent (which I stated) that it's frustrating to have to virtually give up a lucrative and fun business that I developed over the past 15 years. I truly appreciate the sincere condolences I have received and the suggestions on where to look for possible 3-person shops. The rest I need to sort thru on my own!
Talking about insensitivity the very day my husband died (totally unexpectedly as he was in great health) at least two people I know asked me if I was going to sell my house. It was the question right after their shock of hearing the news!!! Less than 12 hours after his death I was not thinking about what to do with my house!
So Cal Mama and Irene...let me know if you get together on the West side and I will be the third wheel.
I'll come over whenever SCM wants to meet. i know you just retired, so time is fine with me as well. I'm doing a nice restaurant for Coyle in Santa Monica Nov. 4th...need to re-check, I can move the date back....will let you know. People are insensitive, empty upstairs, if you know what I mean. I'll be through with the dentist the end of next week, would love to get together again, been too long.@sandyf wrote:
@EileenS wrote:
This is getting a little far from my original post. I appreciate the responses that deal with the specific question about why MSC won't allow an extra person. I can't (nor can most of you) begin to understand why people react to newly-widowed (or newly-divorced) friends the way they do. But I feel like a couple of you are turning it on me, as it must be me not reaching out, etc. All I did is vent (which I stated) that it's frustrating to have to virtually give up a lucrative and fun business that I developed over the past 15 years. I truly appreciate the sincere condolences I have received and the suggestions on where to look for possible 3-person shops. The rest I need to sort thru on my own!
Talking about insensitivity the very day my husband died (totally unexpectedly as he was in great health) at least two people I know asked me if I was going to sell my house. It was the question right after their shock of hearing the news!!! Less than 12 hours after his death I was not thinking about what to do with my house!
So Cal Mama and Irene...let me know if you get together on the West side and I will be the third wheel.
Live consciously....
Happy to meet up when we can all time it perfectly. I'm flying out on November 4th though.
My husband died suddenly of a heart attack. His uncle called that day to get his rifle back. (It obviously had nothing to do with his death.) Did he think that I was headed out to pawn it or have a garage sale that day? I found that equally insensitive. I can't imagine what in the heck people were thinking asking about selling the house. Just wow.
I'm flying out on November 4th though.
My husband died suddenly of a heart attack. His uncle called that day to get his rifle back. (It obviously had nothing to do with his death.) Did he think that I was headed out to pawn it or have a garage sale that day? I found that equally insensitive. I can't imagine what in the heck people were thinking asking about selling the house. Just wow.
We spoke and yes, we'll all meet up at some time when you return....lot of difficult things happen as one age's...
Friends are important.......
Friends are important.......
Live consciously....
Eileen, I am so sorry for your loss.
I wish I could help you. I spent 14 years as a travel consultant & experienced the same discrimination, you are experiencing now.
I will say it out loud! It's wrong. But, companies want what they want. It's a shame that companies eschew good evaluators, when there are some that still want to go out for a decent dinner and are willing to do it alone. I know for a fact that when I've been in a high end restaurant all by myself, the service has always been lacking.
One would think all customers would be treated equally. One would think, the restaurants would try to make sure the single diner has a great experience.
I wish I could help you. I spent 14 years as a travel consultant & experienced the same discrimination, you are experiencing now.
I will say it out loud! It's wrong. But, companies want what they want. It's a shame that companies eschew good evaluators, when there are some that still want to go out for a decent dinner and are willing to do it alone. I know for a fact that when I've been in a high end restaurant all by myself, the service has always been lacking.
One would think all customers would be treated equally. One would think, the restaurants would try to make sure the single diner has a great experience.
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning; the devil shudders...And yells OH #%*+! SHE'S AWAKE!
Eileen, many bear hugs to you. Fine dining shops are in my top three. I have often wanted to take my little family and have found it rare to have their expenses reimbursed. I take them whenever possible and pay out of pocket. So worth it to me. I have had some shops where you can take more than one guest but the excessive food is at your expense. And yes, clients expect a whole other level of service and detail when it is more than a party of two. I will not dine alone for dinner ever but have dined at eateries with counter service only. I hope you are able to find a reliable, discreet friend or relative to enjoy. Hugs!!!!!
It could be the conversation that is boring them, not the gender of the person speaking. I guess if women only talk about girl stuff it could be boring to men
Thanks! I have no problem with just paying the extra person's way --- the problem is that most MSC's say no, two only may attend! I have no desire to dine alone, other than casual --- I agree with you! I'm working on developing a list of friends who are reliable (big concern of mine), discreet and happy for a free meal. It's not that easy, surprisingly!
@Madetoshop wrote:
Eileen, many bear hugs to you. Fine dining shops are in my top three. I have often wanted to take my little family and have found it rare to have their expenses reimbursed. I take them whenever possible and pay out of pocket. So worth it to me. I have had some shops where you can take more than one guest but the excessive food is at your expense. And yes, clients expect a whole other level of service and detail when it is more than a party of two. I will not dine alone for dinner ever but have dined at eateries with counter service only. I hope you are able to find a reliable, discreet friend or relative to enjoy. Hugs!!!!!
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