@JASFLALMT wrote:

but it doesn't leave much room for upsell. Also, we are supposed to not stand out. I think a cocktail or a glass of wine seems more common for a woman in an upscale environment. I know that there are some women who would argue that they would drink beer at a nice restaurant, but I am generalizing. I'd say only 20% of my female friends drink beer at all, much less when fine dining.

I fully agree with JAS. I have never ordered beer when dining. House wine or cocktail works for me, although I really do take a few sips only.

Beer at the table in the Pacific NW is absolutely 100% acceptable - even at a fine dining restaurant. So is socks and Birkenstocks.

I hate beer - I hate it anywhere, including in Seattle where I was born and bred, and in Portland, where they literally think if you order anything but a whiskey based craft cocktail or beer, you are so unhip - you should walk yourself right out of there.

'What is appropriate is totally dependent on the area of the country. Here in Seattle, we don't have house wine. You try to order that (my mom does sometimes cause she is old school and she learned when she lived in 1970 in NYC that means "cheap wine" and they think you are crazy... or they give you Woodbridge Chardonnay and you suffer...

If you don't like alcohol, Steve gave you good advice - order a soft cocktail for your guest (see Boozin thread for good ideas) and stick to water for yourself at the bar ... then at the table, depending on the requirements, order one glass of wine, possibly a beer (depending on your tastes and where you are) or maybe skip it all together.

If you are a new wine drinker - try Riesling (the most versatile grape!) or Gruener Vetliner if they have it. Avoid Chardonnay, White Zin (there is a way to scream uninitiated!!), and most reds are tough for a non-wine drinker.

I came to this too late, looks like you went to an urban, well-heeled suburban or hotel based high-end steak house, but some ideas for the future....
I have not done many fine dining shops, but I worked fine dining for years after starting in family and business restaurants and I dined well for years. My husband got upset that I would not join him again for a couple of big region wine tastings for the trade this week to celebrate my birthday, but I always worry about the kids after school staying on task for my mom.
If fine dining, which I think is loosely defined for shop purposes and as the restaurant industry has evolved, my instinct as shopper experiencing or bartender or captain serving (a phrase used for true fine dining with a layered service team) ...GET A RECOMMENDATION! That is what these people are there for, not to take orders. Go to a kiosk restaurant if you want an order taker. It can vary based on your preferences but use this opportunity to get out of your comfort zone. If there are specials, you should not ask, they should offer, they should ask general questions about preferences, but they should sound you out and open up your mind, They should describe flavors. Don't necessarily go with what is popular. That being said, keep it light or simple, why spoil your palate with something heavy. And the shop requirements may dictate a cocktail. Even within that constraint, there are options this location should have, even if it is an update on an old classic. Or get a spritzer, a simple aperitif, or a very dry something...fino sherry is not for everyone nor readily available, but something low acid, subtle.
At the table, if this is truly fine dining, these restaurants do not typically have house wines. I think of higher volume or mid-scale chains for that. You will more likely, even if modest, have a selection of wines by the glass. There could also be half bottles. Your waiter/captain can and should assist, But even if you want a simple glass or two of wine, stay away from the obvious. You will always get better value and better pricing on the less obvious varietals or proprietary blends (this basically means it is an odd mix of blended grapes that do not fit into a classic category, like strictly Rhone varietals or Bordeaux blends) or regions whether or not there is a global selection--think Spain, South America, Oregon, select Michigan or New York wines. Yes, I like my single vineyard Chardonnays or rustic and Grand Cru Burgundies, I love first and second growth Bordeauxs. etc.but there are wines out there that do not cost a lot and can transform a dining experience with the right match, even if you would not normally drink it. Chenin Blanc or Riesling with a BYOB Thai restaurant stands up well to heat and sweet and spice even if you think you would only drink red wine.
In other words, stay away from Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc, but if they have valet, I do not think it is an issue.
I have eaten in plenty of hole in the wall restaurants in Chicago and New York and elsewhere with solid food, knowledgeable service, and great wine recommendations. I even like to know what someone thinks of it if they have had it before or if I am torn between a couple of options, which could work best and why.
I recognize that all of this may not apply to your situation. You must blend as a regular customer, and I worked plenty of New Year's and Valentine's Days and anniversaries with the amateur diners, those that may go somewhere special outside of their budget to celebrate or because they had babysitters, etc. I now count myself as among that group...but my husband works all of those holidays. So do not worry about not blending in with the more typical clientele demographic. Even if you are not expert in any of this, good hospitality is good hospitality in any service experience--engaged, friendly, helpful, accommodating.
And that Chardonnay thing, stay away from California as a rule. Chateau Montelena from northern CA is a classic unoaked Burgundian style, if offered usually by the bottle only and is a very good value if someone really wanted a Chard. Oaky, buttery CA Chardonnays are generally...not worth it. That buttery, fat, flat quality is a product of a secondary fermentation called malolactic. They all taste the same after awhile. There is more to life.

I am not in the PNW but travel all over for work, and beer is acceptable at the table. If it's on the menu, you have every right to order it! The Coyle shops usually say no hard alcohol at the table, which leaves only beer or wine. I've never thought twice about ordering a beer with fine dining, especially since beer has become more nuanced than the Bud Light or Coors of yesteryear. Ordering a $10-$12 craft beer is just as cool as ordering the cheapest $12 glass of wine. Maybe it's a generational thing, because draft beer isn't synonymous with cheap or crappy these days. For example, the other day (not at on a shop) my husband got a Goose Island Bourbon Stout on draft that cost $20 a glass because it's rare.

Always tip the valet when you drop the car off and when they retrieve it. $2 each end and you’re golden. I live in an area where we valet everywhere, nothing is self park, vehicles don’t stand out.

At the bar, order an old fashioned or a glass of house wine.