Hey all—

This is something I’ve thought about for a while, and it bothers me. I’m just curious what you think of shops that are concerned about what sort of “personal connection” the employee makes with you, particularly as it relates to transactional retail, fast food, groceries etc.

I personally feel uncomfortable when an employee tries to get “too friendly” — and I’d mark this down as a negative if I could. To me, excellent service for transactional purchases is someone who looks like they halfway want to be there (at least washes their clothes, doesn’t look angry), quickly checks out my order without messing anything up, and gives me the correct change if cash is involved. Maybe a “thanks for coming in” or “have a nice day!”. That is it. I don’t need small talk, I don’t need to be pried to talk about my day. I don’t need employees trying to “connect with me” in any way — every single time they try, it comes off forced, and let’s be honest — we both have our own lives on our minds. You want to get off work, I want to get where I’m going.

But it’s just so obvious to me that so many companies “want this” because a number of retail shops I’ve been doing has specifically asked about it... I usually put down that they were polite and friendly and do what I can to give them the point since I don’t want them to be marked down for something I’m sure they are forced to do. If someone is trying to “be extra concerned”, I just want to look at them and say “hey just relax... it’s all good... you don’t need to score any points with me... just check out my s*** and we’re cool”.

As far as luxury cars and high-end retail goes, that’s a different game — sales people should try to connect with their client and understand their needs. But the checker at the grocery store? Nah... just try not to break my eggs or crush my bread and that’s been enough of a personal connection for me...

I honestly feel bad for people who work for companies who actually take this into account... it just seems like it should be much simpler: “Was the employee rude or seem like they otherwise didn’t want to be at work?” If the answer is “no” then no further questions lol

Am I in the minority here or does this “fake connection” stuff actually work on people?

Heck, I tend to regard a friendly grin or a have a nice day as making a sincere effort at meeting the requirement.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with an employee just cheerfully doing their job.

I will definitely report rudeness. I will give kudos for a a professionally friendly cashier.

As a former cashier at a grocery store, I have to say that I connected with people all the time. Really all that entails is actually seeing them. I always looked at them, smiled, said something like "how ya doin' today?" but I was sincere. I remember a lot of those customers still. The bruised young woman who was so sad. I told her that life is too short to be beaten all the time and she couldn't meet my eyes. I remember the "soccer mom" who always had her rowdy boys with her, the always worried single mom who spent every penny so carefully, and there are so many more. When I moved to customer service I already knew most of the customers who I could cash checks for.
I like people and I enjoyed that part of the job. I agree that when it's fake I can do without it, but it's not always fake.

There was a cashier at Trader Joe's who commented on every single item in my cart. Needless to say, her line was the longest. I was very annoyed by this. I don't want to hear your recipe for sea bass. Check me out so I can go home!

I also understand the need foe this in apartment shops Management wants the staff to be approachable and friendly so potential tenants will rent from them.

I work a LOT with a variety of vendors, other players in the projects I'm in and most importantly, the client.

I learned a LOT from not being a weird, productive robot over the years. When it came to my professional life, I've always been straight to the point, no room for small talk, no room for anything else, and only business. I've learned over the past decade that I needed to lax up and realize people were human. The best business relationships I've had were the ones that were filled with interactions where I still focused on ensuring our business objectives were met, but at the same time, understood that the people I talked to were more than just their job title.... So the little details I picked up on (e.g. hints to their sports interests, where they're traveling from, a ring on their finger, etc.), I casually blended that in conversation when we're at business lunches to ensure the interactions more than just robotic interactions talking solely about the project or work, in general.

Engaging in small talk is not being too friendly and I don't believe is crossing the line on our personal boundaries. So I understand when companies pushes for personalization: whether it's the bartender catching onto your name then recalling your drink preferences, or throwing in a comment about the game shown on TV you commented about, or small talking about current events happening in the area, etc. The "leave me alone" and "I'll just do my job" separates the Chick-Fil-A's and Shake Shacks from the Walmart's that are filled with lifeless souls where it's a pain to interact with any of them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2020 09:33PM by Tarantado.

I know I will sound like a grinch, but I don't want to make a personal connection with my server, the cashier at the store or any other person that I don't know personally. Those blandly tossed about phrases are sometimes nearly unbearable. Once, when minding my own business at the grocery store and with a neutral facial expression, I was told to cheer up because it can't be all that bad. Yes, it was. I had just found out that my 14 year old daughter had a rare cancer that would likely render her sterile should she survive. Another time, a chipper bus driver asked me how my day was going. The box I was carrying held a family member's cremated remains that I had just picked up from the funeral home. I checked into a hotel the night before another family member's funeral. The desk clerk said he was glad I was there, and that he knew I was going to have a fun time on my visit. I know other people have had the same type of situations.

There is nothing wrong with a welcoming smile, saying hello or providing a thanks for coming comment, but anything beyond that is intrusive and unwarranted.

Yes. A smile and a "have a good one!" is plenty of "personal connection" for me.

I find many people prefer no interaction at all.



When I was a cashier, those people always made me feel like they thought I was insignificant, like below them, because I was serving them.

I had one lady say one day, "Oh, I'm sure it's not your fault". I looked her in the eye and said,
"but oh, yes, it's my responsibility 100% -- I own this store".

She immediately became more courteous. "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize," she said.

Like, everybody deserves to be treated like a human being. I know it's human nature, but she shouldn't have suddenly treated me better just because I owned the darn store.

Jerks.

I do not want friendly! I want courteous, accurate, and if applicable, consistent.

I manage to answer the questions about friendly, but I would prefer to notate whether I observed consistently appropriate behaviors.

Sometimes, a personal connection can be small talk about weather, something that is happening locally, etc. This is interesting, and it is not too personal.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/01/2020 12:22AM by Shop-et-al.

At one sports-bar type restaurant that wants servers to make a "personal connection" the server sat down at our table and started telling us all about herself - what she was studying in college, etc. I put in the report that this was extremely awkward, annoying, and intrusive. There are numerous restaurants that want the servers to make a personal connection, and I always include in the report how annoying this is to have our dinner interrupted by small talk. At one restaurant, sometimes three managers will stop by our table to check on our satisfaction. I let them know that one brief check by a manager is fine, but when they keep interrupting our meal they detract from the enjoyment of the meal. I am one who definitely does not want excess small talk and a personal connection with my servers.

I can understand it if a person is alone at a bar, but when people are with a guest, they probably want to spend time with their companion.

For grocery store cashiers. I’ve reported “the cashier met my need of a personal connection by saying hello, smiling and thanking me. I appreciated the cashier was focused on how many people were waiting in line and quickly processing orders. “
I agree, salespeople should be making a personal connection but from a cashier who checks out multiple people a day I don’t need commentary…..the groceries I buy aren’t that interesting. 

When a client asks about making a personal connection, I make myself open to small talk. It's a skill to be evaluated. Any customer should be able to shut it down and just get checked out. Mystery shoppers can't do that. You are testing the appropriateness of how they try to make a connection as much as anything else.

A personal connection doesn't becoming best friends. It means eye contact, noticing cues, and speaking in a sincere way. I have had employees speak in superficially nice tones and smile and at the same time they totally ignore me. I can't remember the last time exactly. It wasn't for a shop so I don't have the notes. I asked a question and the employee gave a well rehearsed, smug answer that was about something else entirely. I told her that she had not answered my question. She kept smiling for several seconds, then blinked, and said, "What?" She was on total autopilot.

@724PM wrote:

For grocery store cashiers. I’ve reported “the cashier met my need of a personal connection by saying hello, smiling and thanking me. I appreciated the cashier was focused on how many people were waiting in line and quickly processing orders. “

The cashier could have done all that for me and my response would still be "the cashier did not make a connection in any way". I will say they made a connection if they point out my savings on the bottom of the receipt or notify me of my fuel points, but that's about it.

There is one well-known chain where the servers are encouraged to sit and chat at the table with the customers while taking their orders. I can see how this might make customers uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. and just wonder who had the great marketing advice for this establishment.

Just because an associate used a ham-handed way to try to make a connection, there was a right way to make that attempt. Just asking, "What bring you to Podunk today?" would have provided a "soft landing" for either responding or ignoring the question. Another, "Is there anything that we can do to make your stay more comfortable?" (Not "enjoyable!)

i think trader joe’s cashiers are trained to do this. they will usually comment on at least one item i buy. all items is just insane though.

@HonnyBrown wrote:

There was a cashier at Trader Joe's who commented on every single item in my cart. Needless to say, her line was the longest. I was very annoyed by this. I don't want to hear your recipe for sea bass. Check me out so I can go home!

I also understand the need foe this in apartment shops Management wants the staff to be approachable and friendly so potential tenants will rent from them.

@jay225 wrote:

i think trader joe’s cashiers are trained to do this. they will usually comment on at least one item i buy. all items is just insane though.

@HonnyBrown wrote:

There was a cashier at Trader Joe's who commented on every single item in my cart. Needless to say, her line was the longest. I was very annoyed by this. I don't want to hear your recipe for sea bass. Check me out so I can go home!

I also understand the need foe this in apartment shops Management wants the staff to be approachable and friendly so potential tenants will rent from them.

When I trained at the grocery store we were taught to NEVER under any circumstances comment on any of the purchases a person might make. It was fine to reply if we were asked a question. It was great to make a brief attempt at a connection, like asking about the weather or wishing a good day, etc. But we were never to interject an unsolicited opinion on their purchases.

i also struggle with the question OP was mentioning. there’s a client that asks if a banker tries to develop a rapport with us. i always answer no if the only “rapport” is saying “Hi, how are you?” Or “Have a good one.” To me, that is just the generic, autopilot greeting/parting comments (almost)everyone makes, but quality control emailed me to let me know that that is in fact building rapport.

@jay225 wrote:

i also struggle with the question OP was mentioning. there’s a client that asks if a banker tries to develop a rapport with us. i always answer no if the only “rapport” is saying “Hi, how are you?” Or “Have a good one.” To me, that is just the generic, autopilot greeting/parting comments (almost)everyone makes, but quality control emailed me to let me know that that is in fact building rapport.

Personalization is pretty subjective.

One of the projects I’m in, personalization is specifically scored on a scale from 1-5:

Small talk, whether it’s as simple as talking about the weather or today’s events rates as 5; whereas, simply being polite and friendly (e.g. “how are you?”) is rated as a 3, then 1 is essentially being a mute, not smiling, etc. Then the in-between scores are subjective and up to the Shopper to decide.

Count me in with the "I don't need a connection" crowd. While we are at it, can stores cut out the "welcome to {store name} when I walk in? It is annoying and pointless, especially when a cashier is checking out a customer but still has to holler 'Welcome to Tractor Supply" while I blaze by.

Perhaps I am in the minority, but I **DO** expect and want a bit of a connection. It doesn't have to be much, but even a SINCERE, "Hello, nice to see you," and a friendly smile, work wonders. I cannot abide the front-line employees who say, "How're you doing," in a voice tone that belies any interest. The point is that the comment must be sincere. Except for shops--for which I am paid to be at that location--I am perfectly willing to take my considerable business to those stores whose employees make at least a nominal attempt to be polite to me.

Edited to fix spelling error.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2020 12:42AM by Opanel.

@Opanel wrote:

Perhaps I am in the minority, but I **DO** expect and want a bit of a connection. It doesn't have to be much, but even a SINCERE, "Hello, nice to see you," and a friendly smile, work wonders. I cannot abide the front-line employees who say, "How're you doing," in a voice tone that belies any interest. The point is that the comment must be sincere. Expect for shops--for which I am paid to be at that location--I am perfectly willing to take my considerable business to those stores whose employees make at least a nominal attempt to be polite to me.

More than that. The personal touch is definitely emotional and psychological. When many competitors have nearly the exact same models, decor, pricing, etc., the extra touch of making things a more pleasant experience I'm sure helps sway many customers to choosing them over the similar competitor.

I know for a fact that I choose certain bars, not just because of the crowd, music, etc., but the experience and quality of the bartenders.

I don't consider a polite sincere greeting to be a connection. I consider that to be an example of everyday good manners.

@callinectes wrote:

I don't consider a polite sincere greeting to be a connection. I consider that to be an example of everyday good manners.

Everyday good manners isn’t an everyday thing for many, including the workers of the companies we shop at on a day to day basis. Sad that this is a measurement to be gauged for these companies, but that’s the reality.

I expect a banker to make a sincere personal connection and will gladly comment on that aspect of the interaction. You can tell when a banker is thinking, "Just open the account and get out of here" vs. when they are sincerely (or at least sincerely trying to) help you select a product that fits your needs.I wouldn't bank at a place where the banker is simply going through the motions.

OTOH, when you're judging a cashier, for example, the standard is, of course, lower. But a smile, a thank you for shopping at XYZ store today, or even a comment on a purchase is a "personal connection," imo. I don't mind when the cashier asks me how such-and-such a product is or comments that the sale price on an item is a great buy. Better that than the cashier who makes no eye contact, doesn't bother telling you what your total is (expecting you to look at the terminal), and/or is talking over your head to the next cashier over.

When I used to shop B,B & Beyond (stopped when they switched to current company), I found it so annoying to be greeted and offered assistance constantly and, usually robotically, throughout my visit. As a regular shopper this annoyed me as well. Just leave me alone and let me get what I want, unless I actually need your help.

"Just leave me alone and let me get what I want, unless I actually need your help."

In which case, all personnel will disappear into a black hole. ;-)

I may be in the minority on this issue, but I welcome a personal connection whether I'm on a shop or not. Being a 'people person' by nature, sharing a brief connection with an employee is an enjoyable part of everyday life for me. Sincerity is key and if the person is being genuine, I enjoy getting to know someone for a short conversation. After all, we are all in this thing called life together. If I can brighten someone else's day with some basic chit-chat or make their day go a little faster, or even offer a sincere condolence for a troubling time, I feel good about that.

One thing I cannot stand is disingenuous connections designed solely to solicit a larger tip or some other benefit.

Yes, but B,B&Beyond was overbearing. They required it of their employees, as evidenced on the shop form. It was just too much. I am a congenial person and enjoy my share of chats with employees from time to time, but only if they are sincerely interested and friendly in nature. I do enjoy when a bank teller uses my name and asks about my day or weekend plans while working. It makes me feel welcomed.

When I used to work at Chipotle, I realized a smile and a cheerful greeting really changed people's day. I've had people who experienced losses, had crappy days, or were hangry as hell when they came in. About 8 out of 10 people would crack a smile once I got them down the line.

"Personal connection" is so subjective, but it also can be as simple as eye contact, to recommending something, all the while being genuine to who you're interacting with. I am also in the "don't force talking to me" crowd, but sometimes when I have a tough day, a genuine "personal connection" is a breath of fresh air.

Some of these behaviors - like being greeted when you enter a store or constantly being asked if you need help - are asset protection behaviors. Theft and shoplifting are reduced when eye contact and identification is made.