I need some advice on how to navigate this friendship.

I have a friend who would be perfect for me to take along on some shops. I also feel like I have something to offer her when she has something to offer me. For example, I don't have a car, but I might need a ride somewhere. We live in a metropolitan area so I could do a parking shop and help her out by providing parking when she needs it. Or take her out for a meal...or etc...
I don't really know anyone else who would fit this role for me she's really one of very few. We have a lot of similar interests and goals. However, I noticed she gatekeeps a lot of information from me. Like, maybe a resourceful contact or events that may assist me with my goals. Kind of like someone who knows about a Costco membership to get great deals but no one else knows Costco exists and she won't tell a soul.

So, I know if I take her on a shop, she will want to know how I get the gigs and how she could do them too. Given that she keeps information from me I really don't want to tell her that I'm a mystery shopper and give her all my resources and tips. Like I said, she would be perfect for me when I need another person, but I just don't want to share how I get the gigs.

Does anyone have tips on what to tell her? Basically, a cover story that explains that I do get reimbursed but it's only available to me...or something like that? So, she doesn't have the resources to become a shopper herself.

If you mention mystery shopping, all the info is available to her if she wants to search.

Noone I've mentioned it to has ever tried it. So the risk seems minimal.

I don't see any way to comfortably tell her you're doing it for pay, then refuse to share. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@prince wrote:

If you mention mystery shopping, all the info is available to her if she wants to search.

Noone I've mentioned it to has ever tried it. So the risk seems minimal.

I don't see any way to comfortably tell her you're doing it for pay, then refuse to share. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

^^^ This.

You already know the answer. Don't do it.

I feel if you can't trust her, don't take her with you.

I have taken a guest to shops and have not told them that it was a shop.
Some shops are easier to pull off (without the reveal) than others.
Some depend on the nature of the shop, your nature as your friend knows it, and your friend's nature.
A small example: if you offer to pay for parking and request a (required) receipt; would this seem unusual to your friend?
Is friend likely to ask why? what are you doing? etc. if you make observations at a shop or take pictures? How closely is friend monitoring what you do, and then how inquisitive would he/she be?
So, to the point, an option to not taking friend is: you could start the "gatekeeping" right from the start and not reveal that it is a shop.

The first rule of mystery shopping is: you do not talk about mystery shopping.

^^^That is it, plain and simple.

I have taken friends on shops with me and one of them actually started shopping for a while but as mentioned by prince most find it is not as wonderful as they thought and never move forward. To me the bottom line here is it sounds like you do not really trust her but it also sounds like she might never mention to anyone else your mystery shopping even if she takes it up on her own.
Depending on the metro area you live in if it is like my metro area I cannot imagine my friends taking shops away from me. There are so many available I cannot do them all anyway. I would never do a restaurant shop without letting my guest know I am on a shop as it is so easy for an unknowing guest to break the rules. However if your friend decides to start mystery shopping and invites you, you can double your enjoyment of eating out a nice meal twice and you only need to write the report once. And if she knows the ropes she can be helpful by remembering names etc for you when it is your shop. You can tell her the name of one company you use so she can see if she wants to mystery shop. Recommend that one to her and give her a website to learn from.
If you read all my sentences and said to yourself no, no, no she would not do that (help you, not divulge to others, invite you along on her sharing a meal shop if she became a shopper) then perhaps you might consider if she really is the perfect friend.

I have a few friends I use to shop with. One was terrible as far as remembering anything and was so chatty with the server and manager that so couldn’t take photos for almost 10 minutes, then didn’t know if the food had been hot when delivered. I gave her one final chance, with lots of instructions and she did ok. Then we had an unrelated falling out and frankly, I’m relieved. I felt guilty not inviting her when she knew I had good restaurant shops but needed someone more dependable.

The friend I take most often pays decent attention. But her descriptions of staff are always off. She cannot measure height even standing next to someone! But she is cool with driving, pays for tolls or parking and will listen to me advise her in menu options to keep us on budget. (She’s always gotten something she liked, but I do have to give her the top $ for ordering since she usually starts with multiple things she’d like.) I have told her several times that she should start doing the shops as well but I suspect if she did, she she’d never actually take me but only her husband. I wouldn’t trust his observations at all. We took him with us once, and when I played back the recording against what he told me, he was so far off. Plus he changed his story on something I asked him (an interaction I did not witness) three times while I was working on the report.

I think the real reason she doesn’t want to do the shops, is because I am so OCD with mine that I ask her a lot of questions for verification. She probably thinks the shops are even harder than they are. So she has no interest in trying them herself. Besides, why lay out your own money when you can have somebody else do that and you get to eat the same food??? Same meal, almost no effort. So that could be the way to let your friend know but make it seem unattractive.

Everyone I've talked to about mystery shopping over the years has wanted to learn more but never follows through.

I would say something vague that she can look online on the MSPA website bc the companies go through name changes or mergers and acquisitions, so that's the best place to look. Then let her know, she would have to sign up with each company and start looking for jobs. Once people find out what it takes to get started, they tend to not do it. Or maybe that's just the people I've encountered over the years.

This has happened to me as well. I had a few friends from other regions who were a bit down on their luck when it came to income. I'd look at their area for how certain shops were distributed and saw a "goldmine" of opportunities in their area. I did referrals/instructions for 5 friends around the USA and NONE of them followed up. I have no idea why. I even told them its not some scam, I'm not trying to bait them into a MLM or anything like that. They just didn't want to do them. One mom from my daughter's school asked me once and I gave her one reference to the Otter app and she did it once or twice but then stopped.

Its one thing if you have the ability, its another if you have the drive to deal with the type of assignment. In my region, it seems that the most common ones that go fast are the ones for sit-down restaurants where they cover the tab and you get a little survey pay in return. Like its a nice thing to do for a free meal.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2026 06:55PM by scottsteg.