She's fine, she had to have emergency surgery.

I sometimes HATE living so far away from my parents. They are in PA, the rest of my family is in PA, I'm out in AZ. Moving there is not an option. I absolutely hate living in PA. It's not like I can just drive there in a few hours or quickly hop on a plane and be there! Mom is 71 this year, dad will be 74. With Dad's Parkinson's he cannot travel too much anymore. Them coming out this past Christmas is probably the last time they will be out.

How do any of you who have older/elderly parents cope with them being so far away? Especially when there is an emergency and there's not really anything you can do!

Thanks! It's definitely hard. I've started thinking about it more and more and how long it would take me to actually get to a bedside if I had to be there to say goodbye.

My parents are both gone now for many years. With none of their kids within 1500 miles, their usual approach was that in the weekly letter with a carbon copy to each of us there would be a sentence buried in there like, "Your Dad had his left hip replaced a week ago Monday. The surgery went well and he is walking pretty well. He says there is no pain and he came home yesterday." Effectively it cut us out of even the opportunity to be there and supportive. Being far away and knowing about the surgery at least lets you send a Get Well card and pick up the phone to chat with them in the hospital.

After my divorce I moved close to my parents so I could look out for them and they could be extended family for my kids. Unless expressly forbidden, I did keep my siblings in the loop with what was going on with the parents so there were at least flowers and cards delivered to the hospital in addition to their phone calls. When our Dad died, I was the only one living in the area but my other siblings had visited not long before and knew the end was near. All but one of us were within 100 miles when our Mom died.

One of my siblings pointed out that while they were still living at a distance they had made a point of visiting twice a year--Christmas holidays and usually around the end of June--and that kept them in touch with the decline. Each visit there was the realization on departure that there was a fair chance they would never see the parents alive again. So they helped out as much as they could during their visits and kept in touch the rest of the year. They were more tolerant and patient than I could be seeing the parents two to three times per week.

I hear you and live far from my only child. This will be the first Mothers Day I am alone without her, couldn't make it there this year and really miss her....very difficult, total empty nest, and it does get more difficult as time goes on. The rest of my family is in San Francisco with parents gone,
I spent summers with my Mother when she was homebound and we became closer
than we'd been in years, I'm happy for that. My daughter thinks I'm young (74)
and doesn't see me as getting older, my fault, just don't like to burden her,
so, always say, "I'm fine, everythings good" Distance is a bummer, and I hope
we don't have regret's for not living closer. Everyone gets into their life, but, you can make a life anywhere. I am a bit sad about tomorrow, it was my favorite holiday for years....

Irene,
Sending hugs and hoping that you will have a waffles and ice cream sort of day.

Thanks Wales, Rainey and the sweet sometime poster Justrying, who pm's me and said if she lived in L.A., she'd take me to lunch (how sweet can one get).
I woke up filling better, and my friend is taking me bowling at 8"00am, (1st time in 40 years), then breaksfast...waffles sound good. Phone call from
"kid" will be fine this year.

Hello Rainey - We can't stop time. You can't do a thing to prevent losing your parents, whether you're in PA or AZ. I have an educated hunch your parents have a very practical view of the last years of life, and do not share your apprehensions. It is most likely they are contented for you to be in AZ if that's what works for you. Being elderly and unencumbered by young children, they are free to pick up and move to AZ and be near you if that's what they wanted to do. Obviously, they prefer to be in PA and they are willing to accept they will most likely die without a final goodbye.

Be assured that at 71 and 74, your parents have thought this through and made their decisions. Beyond preparing yourself and your nuclear family for the last events financially and emotionally, there is no coping to be done. By choice you are in AZ and by choice they are in PA. You can maintain frequent and thoughtful contact with your parents, but anxiety and anguish will not be of any benefit to them. Consider this a learning experience about how to deal with your own aging process, and realize if the situation were reversed you would certainly want your daughter to be happy.

Yes, parents understand and want what's best for their kids, however, the heart yearns for more...so, the brain and the heart are on different wave lengths, and to deny this and sweep it under the rug does not help. Talk about
it, make your family understand you want to be with them, that is what helps.
I don't believe one can't grieve or miss and want their family close as they age, this is quite normal, denial makes one physcially ill.
Rainey, try your best to be with them, I know not one more Mothers Day will be
spent without my daughter by my side, we deserve that much!!

I agree, if you at all possibly can do it, spend the time. I lost my Mom when I was 12 years old (41 years ago). I am #5 of 10. My Dad raised us for the next 10 years on his own, working 2 or 3 jobs to keep us together and then met a woman who stole everything, literally furniture, items, etc. My Dad was still paying on credit cards he wasn't even aware they had, and maxed at that. Her three sons- my step-brothers continue to this day seeing my Dad and and calling him that. They do not speak to their mother because of what she did to my Dad. My Dad is going to be 83 this year. He went through open heart surgery and then a pacemaker last year around this time.

I am not sure but having lost one parent at such a young age, I treasure the time with my Dad. When he was ill and recuperating last year for 4 months, I would go every week and spend two nights and two days with him. As the poster said above, it allowed me to spend some quality time with him, without the other nine kids there...lol.

It is true...you don't know what you had until they are gone. The missing never stops, hopefully there are good memories to hold on to.

I also lost my beloved Father at age 22, he was 59..he never lived to see me married, or his grandaughter, we just have today, no one knows what tomorrow brings, being there is the best way to live without regrets. When its all said and done, you won't miss your job when your in the home, you will miss your family.