Don't be too afraid of SF... it's not so bad and if you've never been there before, there are plenty of one-of-a-kind opportunities to see famous stuff. Go during the middle of the day. Remember that the traffic generally goes into the city in the morning and out of it at the end of the work day, so try to travel against traffic when you can. That's the general rule of thumb.
I agree with posters who said to consider BART (and the cable cars!) if you don't have to drive in the city. But it's not terrible, just go slowly, be on the lookout for pedestrians, and don't get flustered by the locals: they're always impatient and grumpy. Just ignore them, you'll never see them again!
Drive across the Golden Gate Bridge. The toll is only $5 or so, or, you could even park at Golden Gate and just take a picture of it. But it's a great drive and the coast is beautiful once you get across. You can park somewhere in the city (it's expensive, plan ahead) and take one of those tourist bus tours. Let someone else drive, see all the major stuff (Lombard street, China Town, Golden Gate, Fisherman's Wharf, Castro Street, the Painted Ladies). Take a ferry ride (Alcatraz is the big one, but you can get one that just tools around).
Shopper in California's Bay Area