It's a familiar concept. Someone begins writing a story and post after post, the forumers add to it. I think a mystery shopping edition could be fun. And then again it could be a total flop. I'm just bored enough to try. Try to work some reference to mystery shopping into your contribution.

Here's my beginning paragraph:
It was a cold and drizzly night. I was leaving the house to go do a late night 5 guys shop. I had been all warm and cozy and I wondered what was wrong with me that I accepted that shop? Oh yeah, it was the $25 bonus. I sighed and turned the ignition, the familiar purr of the engine making me feel slightly better. I thought about fries as I backed out of my drive, telling myself I would only eat one to test them and bring the rest home to make hash browns in the morning. Suddenly I heard brakes screeching and I slammed mine on. I had been looking at the rear view mirror and I turned my head to look out the drivers side window. I saw...

Me speeding on her way to an almost forgotten Roadhouse shop, praying that I can make it before 9 pm. As I round the corner, 2 policeman step out in front of me with their guns pointed straight at me. I hit the accelerator and swerve, nothing can keep me from completing my shop. At the next stop light I hear sirens and. . .

... my attention is suddenly drawn away from the red-and-blue flashy light chaos outside by the sound of John Lennon singing "Money, That's What I Want": my ringtone. Instinctively I answer and a familiar voice starts to chatter, "I have thirty-eight Jack-in-the-Box opportunities near you that I need done tonight. I'm desperate. It's urgent. They are the easiest shops ever, you just need photographs of the menu boards, each item you order, every employee you encounter (make sure they are smiling) and both restrooms. We will reimburse you for your entire meal!" This was going to be a negotiation and I needed my full attention, so I reach into the back seat, grab the top box from my Krispy Kreme route's bounty that morning and toss it out the window. For good measure, I toss two more (first checking that I was keeping all the jelly donuts for myself) and the sirens immediately stop.

Without missing a beat, I respond to the frantic scheduler, "I need a bonus." She starts to stutter and I can imagine her twitching as she contemplates her next move, so I add, "I'll be at my next shop in three minutes, so be quick about it." She blurts out, "I'll add a whole quarter to each shop. We are desperate." I ask if she'll add $1,000 if all 38 are done before 7:00 AM. She laughs, clearly not believing that I can do it, and agrees. Money, police, and grease: This was going to be legendary. Turning hard to my left, I skid into the the Five Guys parking lot and .....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2018 02:41PM by MFJohnston.

...I ran over a Five Guys employee that was leaving work. I stopped and asked if he was alright but upon better inspection, it was just an orange traffic cone. I knew I shouldn't have done 10 marijuana shops prior to this one. I quickly put the traffic cone back up and proceeded to head to the Five guy's building....

.. Hungrily, I approached the restaurant. I saw that signs were intact and lit. The glare from wet parking lot lights distorted my view of the windows and doors. No matter, I thought. I could check them when I was entering the location. From this distance, I could see that the grease area was just a little shinier than usual. For the moment, I attributed that condition to recent rainfall and/or glare and hurried toward food. Fooooooooooddddd! All those pot shops were good for the guys' business, dontcha' know. Three feet from the front door, I found out why the grease area looked like that....

...When I entered the location, the first thing that caught my eye was this strapping young man, in his 20s, lean-muscular look with jet black hair. The way his eyes sparkled every time he opened and closed his eyes was as if I was in a dream, staring at an impeccable human being. He was waiting in line to get his order taken. I stood behind him. Later, when he pulled out his wallet to pay for his order, he accidentally dropped some business cards. I helped him pick some up. But when I read one of the business cards, the name on them was: Davepi. Could it be the Davepi from the forum? All the characteristics matched; 20s, muscular, asian, great sense of fashion. I immediately felt starstrucken and felt unworthy to be in his presence. I ran out of the location and drove home. I explained to the helpdesk that I could not complete the shop because Davepi was there and because I did not feel worthy of breathing the same air as him. The helpdesk responded with this, "Understandable, please reschedule this for tomorrow"

24 hours later, I returned to the location, I opened the door, and.....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2018 06:23PM by DavePi.

... tripped over the remains of shop-et-al. Apparently, the luster of DavePi's anticipated magnificence glossed the grease area. Feet first, she slid into the restaurant, crashing first into the self-service drink area and then rebounding to the west wall. Caroming, careening, groaning, and whimpering, she bounced around the restaurant all night. Unnoticed by staff members who mistook her for peanut shells (Hey, Frankie, we got enough peanuts?), she remained by the door until the great and undimmable source of the lustrous magnificence returned hours later.

Now let us discover what happened next after His Lustrousness, aka DavePi, returned to the location twenty four hours later ...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2018 07:09PM by Shop-et-al.

As that beacon of manliness and male beauty stepped into his favorite Five Guys franchise, a great bevy of female shoppers (whom I had previously not noticed) turned their heads with rabid anticipation, each fawning more than the next, I saw for the first time that those Five Guys shops had taken a terrible toll on his body as a hairy pouch of belly hung out from under his too-tight tee shirt (which was stained with ketchup and fry grease) and he had clearly not trimmed his mullet in weeks. Nonetheless, as he saw his great gathering of admirers, his smile (though causing a bit of a jiggle in his third chin) made each and every one of them swoon. Still, I was simply stunned to be standing in the great DavePi's aura. Just as I was about to step up and sheepishly ask him to sign his autograph on my video shopping shirt, a female stepped forth form the crowd with a look of frustration in her steely eyes and screamed, "This is a message from St. Louis. 'No More Rainbow Fonts!'" With that she pulled out the grill spatula she had lifted from behind the counter and knocked mystery shopping's very own Mr. Wonderful silly, laying him out lifeless next to Shop-et-All. In befuddled amazement, the gathered throng of female shoppers...



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2018 10:44PM by MFJohnston.

gagged and threw up

..and threw up rainbows

And one of them said, "Oh Good Lord, not again."

As I stood there completely dismayed at the grotesque display of excessive color, the St. Louis shopper tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You had better get out of here. This place is about to explode with unicorns and leprechauns." I saw the severity in those steely eyes, nodded and darted out, just in time, with no idea whether or not St. Louis had escaped... More than ever, my path was clear. It was time for me to...

Get in my car and head to my oil change shop.

I am speeding since the dealership will close in about an hour. As per those damn guidelines, I was supposed to be there like 20 minutes ago. Maybe if I sweet talk the guy, he would fudge up the timing on the invoice. Damn it, I see a police car behind me signalling me to stop. I am getting a ticket now for speeding. He is friendly though and addresses me by name. He gets full points for displaying courtesy. Although, he is unable to build any rapport since he does not initiate small talk. I would have to report that ..Damn it my mystery shopping brain. Take the ticket and just get to your oil change shop.

Just as the officer was handing me the ticket, he stopped cold, clearly eyeing something in my back seat... He asked, "Are those... glazed?" Intuitively, I answered that nine boxes were mixed and the other six glazed, referring to the day-old Krispy Kremes in my back seat. He then offered a trade, "I'll tear up this ticket in exchange one of those boxes." Thinking quickly, I said, "No." He immediately started reaching for his tazer as I added, "But.. I'll give you two boxes if you tear up the ticket and give me a police escort to Big Bob's Buicks on Blueberry Boulevard."

With a huge grin, ...

he shot me with his taser. As he stole the 15 boxes of Crispy Cremes he said: "DavePi needs these for his reports".

Shaking uncontrollably, "Deep Thoughts" (by Jack Handy) ran through my head and I had a few of my own: "How was I ever going to get to the oil change shop now?" "Did he not realize that DavePi had met a most colorful demise?" "If he dares spell the client's name like that, the shop would surely be rejected!" and "I want a jelly doughnut." In the midst of my electrical convulsions, I realized that my only course of action was to...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2018 05:49AM by MFJohnston.

.......give it up and take my wife on that hot date to Target. After recovering sufficiently to drive, I pulled onto the highway home when suddenly.......

I realized that I wasn't married. The electrical charges going through my brain must have brought to the front the horrific idea of a date shared by that lunatic on the forum.... Twenty years of dates at Target? I'd be headed for divorce after a month! Still, there was a Red Card shop available..... After just a few minutes, I began to began to regain the feelings in my limbs and ...

Just then a car passed me going about 90 miles an hour. A bumper sticker on the back proclaimed something about wide open spaces. As soon as I saw it my mind exploded with so many questions. What did that mean? Why did the chicken cross the road? Was that chicken really a rooster? Was that rooster Rooster Cogburn? If Rooster Cogburn was in a movie about his life who would play him? Charlton Heston? Isn't he too old? Who if not Charlton Heston? Is Charlton Heston still alive? If not,was he buried with his gun in his cold dead hands? OMG so many questions. I shook my head and rolled down my window to break the spell. A whoosh of cold night air washed over me clearing my thoughts. It was too cold so I rolled it back up, and realized I had driven right past the dealership where I was to get my oil changed. I decided to reschedule the oil change since it had another couple of days before the deadline. I would definitely need to recharge my batteries after such an eventful night if I were to be the first class mystery shopper I envisioned myself as. Just then my phone rang. I looked at it and it was Marketforce calling...

Knowing that good things happen when MSC's call, I anxiously reached for my phone and answered, "Yeah?" A familiar voice chattered over the phone with a thick undefined accent, "I'm calling for the infamously caffeinated CoffeeQueen. Is that you?" I immediately answered...

..."For the right amount, I'll be whomever you want." The familiar voice said, "I have a special shop for you - it's a bit out there and completely new to our company. It's urgent and the pay is high. You want it?" I responded, "Maybe. I need to know the details. What's the job?" The voice took a deep breath and began to explain, "...

... "This is a targeted shop. The is no need to call in advance. You will portray a disgruntled person. You are free to create the backstory and the rest of your role. You will meet with Vinny. Vinny is persnickety and deals only with people he deems 'usseptable'. As long as you look like something from the Sopranos or The Godfather, Vinny will let you in and do business with you. Vinny's 'office' hours and location vary according to his moods and the perceived proximity of feds, enemies, and irate landlords. This week, he is at *address* between 11 PM and 3 AM. Alter your appearance, bring fake ID, and real cash. Vinny is tough but fair, regardless of your personal sensibilities. Thirty thousand dollars in cash will make him happy and, possibly, enhance your longevity. Tell only one other person where you are going. Let this person be your attorney. Make sure your life insurance is paid up before you leave home.

Vinny will ask questions rapidly. He will expect terse answers. For example, he may bark, "whoya hate?" You say only the name and identity of the person you hate. Vinny will take it from there. Leave quietly and take a circuitous route home. Your report is due at midnight on the day after you complete the assignment. Include exact quotations whenever possible. Include every detail about Vinny, his current office-- interior, exterior, general location-- and any other persons you see or interact with on the way to, during, and after this shop."....

..."We are starting a new mystery shopping program with Puff Puff Pass, a national pot shop with over 400 locations in the US. What you need to do is to report on employee customer service and the cleanliness of the establishment. Ask a question about certain kinds of marijuana strains to see how knowledgeable the employee is. If he or she answers the question satisfactorily, introduce yourself as the mystery shopper and tell them that they passed the test and that they get a reward. Now open your booklet of awesome and cool stickers, and let the employee choose which ever sticker they want. We reimburse up to $5 of the marijuana/edibles and the fee is $7. Total time this shop is projected to take is 35 minutes, so it should be an easy and quick shop."

I responded by saying...

My post is in response to MFjohnston



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2018 02:42AM by DavePi.

In stunned amazement, I stood back and realized that these were two really "out-there shops" and I was thrilled - high even - to have the opportunity to try one - if not both, so I pushed a little, "What's the bonus on each? I'm game, but those shops are not going to come cheap." I really didn't care what the pay was going to be - this was about the experience: I lifestyle enhancement that would put the Maldives to shame. These might even be video shops! But, what type of shopper would I be if I did not at least ask for a fat bonus? With a deep sigh, the familiar voice, began to speak again, "



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2018 02:52AM by MFJohnston.

"Look. I got three people interested and one of them can do it for cheap. I like cheap. This shop has to be submitted by the nineteenth because Vinny might relocate. He usually does that on Sundays. By the way, I have a note here about a pot shop. There is an update for that. Someone will tell you about that later"....

Pot update, now legal in CA, I can't wait to do this shop, as I race off in my Mustang Convertible, knowing I won't be detected as a shopper by what I drive. I pull up to find lines out the door, looks like they'r in business, and this gig will be profitable I say to myself. Brownies displayed and drinks, lunch on the house, as a large man with tattoo's all over approaches me to ask, "what can I get for you".....shivers go up my spine as I purchase my brownie and leave in a huff.....

only to realise that I forgot the receipt. I stopped in my tracks and turned..

... around, finding myself nose to-tattooed chest with the very large cashier. "Yeah, what do you want now?" he asked as I took a step back, realizing that I would never enjoy the aroma of Old Spice again. Drudging up every bit of confidence I could, I asked in a squeaky voice, "I need my receipt." He looked down at me and responded, "You don't belong here, huh? Cashmere sweater... perfectly styled hair... Your ID said you were 65, but you look more like a 40-year-old hottie.... We don't do receipts here. The feds might track them. I got your cash. You got the weed. What else do you need?" My mind began to race. I was NOT going to have this shop rejected on the account of a receipt. Just as I began to open my mouth, the large man managed an almost charming (but toothless) grin and said, "I could scratch up a receipt for you over dinner tonight, little lady... I've got my own private table at the Roadkill Tavern up the street and we could have a fine time." Shocked, flabbergasted, disgusted and, yet, somehow flattered, I...

... Flashed my $100,000 smile and said, "Sure! You Roadkill, cafe, me, and.. How soon?"....