I'm struggling this week. Stressed about getting this Sinclair project completed by Friday. Coupled with minimal sleep. This week is also the anniversary of my mother's death. I thought it was supposed to get easier but I miss her more and more each year. She died when I was 21. That was a long time ago. The only thing I've accomplished since she died, I'll celebrate 25 years of marriage this year. She met my spouse before she died but we were just friends at the time. She died years before we were married. I don't expect anyone to reply. Just wanted to let it out so it doesn't eat me up inside.
@dreamweaver, I feel ya, and it doesn't get easier. I lost my dad when I was a teenager (and I am a man), so I never got to the point of us being friends, we were still in the "I know everything" stage of my teenage years. I try to just remind myself that he is looking down on us, and he is not missing out on things, but actually watching from a far. I hope this helps, even just a little.
My dad died when I was 31 and my mom passed away in 2015. It's tough, it really is, I feel for you.
My mom went into the hospital just before Mother's Day and about a week before her 89th birthday. It really changed the family dynamic and relationships between us kids (6 of us) and that makes it even sadder.
I'm afraid that will happen when my father's dies. I'm hoping he's around another 25 years, in good health of course. My sisters and I live in the same town but when he's gone I think they will move away. I want to ask my father to put away some money for us to make us vacation together when he's gone but don't know how to do that. My cousin's travel 2 weeks each year or save up and go for longer. Together as a family now of 25. They travel internationally, locally and help each other out with home repairs if needed. That would be ideal. I love hearing about their adventures. Just a pipe dream for me.
If you get a chance and he's up to it, take your father somewhere before he dies, somewhere he has always wanted to go. I took my mother on about 1 trip a year for the decade before she died, and a couple of times I couldn't go but I paid for her ticket to Texas to visit her sister and brother. I took her to NYC, Niagara Falls, the Smoky Mountains, Boston, Cape Cod, and to meet her newest great grandson (my niece's little boy). She could not afford to go to any of those places. I had to scrimp and save to do it and I managed to get some of my siblings to pitch in and help pay some of her bills since she had to take off work (yes, she worked right up until the time she went to the hospital).
Now two of my sisters want nothing to do with the rest of us and though I have reached out, they won't respond to phone calls, emails, or texts. They already lived in different parts of the country, we all are spread out across the US. One of them is just aloof, the other one has gone crazy and just says the meanest, most spiteful things to the rest of us, including her own children.
I remember when my dad was dying, I was prepping my kids, had been already those last days, but when it became imminent and I told them, I remember my youngest, then three, remarked, "I wish Papa could stary on this earth all day." I knew he meant forever, in his own preschool way. It brought a slight, wistful smile to tear-streaked face and it is one of the most cherished memories I have.
I'm with you, yes at times loss gets harder as your life gets smaller...my beloved Father died when I was 21, didn't see me get married or know my beautiful daughter, who is named after him. I do feel his spirit lives within me, and I carry that with pride.....I take joy in knowing he didn't suffer.
Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.....
Dr. Judith Wright