Since my wife is a Blonde, I submit this with her permission:
January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February – Fired from pharmacy for failing to print labels. Bottle won’t fit in printer.
March – Got really excited. Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months. Box said 2-4 years.
April – Trapped on escalator for hours. Power went out.
May – Tried to make Kool-Aid. Wrong instructions. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets.
June – Tried to go water skiing. Couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later the other swimmers cheated. They used their arms.
August – Got locked out of my car in rain storm. Car swamped because soft top was open.
September – The capital of California is “C” isn’t it?
October – Hate M & M’s. They are so hard to peel.
November – Baked turkey for 4 ½ days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.
December – Couldn’t call 911. There is no “eleven” button on the stupid phone.
What a year!