Do you have any thoughts or opinions about online donations - using websites like GoFundMe?

What gave me pause to consider it all was a recent case in the state I live in.
Earlier this year, someone was murdered in this state under unusual circumstances.
The deceased had traveled here from another state about 1000 miles away and when they arrived,
they were beaten and murdered. They had met the murderer online.

So any way, because the details were odd, I have been curious and following the case in the court documents to see how it all turns out. The trial is expected to begin this winter but they have been holding pre-trial hearings. The family has not been present for those hearings.
The family of the deceased has advertised many times for donations- holding fundraising events, etc.
Initially it was for burial expenses etc. Now they have been asking for donations to cover their travel costs
- flights for 3 family members, lodging for up to a couple months potentially during the trial and rental car, meals, etc. The location of the trial is in a low cost small town.

I checked the GoFundMe page as a result of their latest requests for donations.

The donations have totaled so far - nearly $180,000.00 - wow

I am sorry for their loss but I wonder - at what point do they say "thank you all for your generosity, you've exceeded our goals, so we're shutting this down"?

I am pretty sure 3 people can fly to this state and rent a condo for a few months and rent a car and have money to spare, for $180K.

I am not insensitive to their situation, I just wonder about the extent of it....seems like it doesn't quite sit right for some reason.

I recall another case where a couple went on a cruise, the man fell overboard and his wife immediately returned to the cabin and put up a GoFundMe even before law enforcement started investigating....

GoFundMe takes a cut, I wonder how they much they profit from human misery.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2025 11:47PM by BarefootBliss.

Nextdoor is full of sad stories from people asking for monetary donations. It's against the site rules but there aren't any fees there and so they post and take what they can get until the post is removed, repeat. Some go so far as to change profiles and stories as they get a reputation. It's impossible to tell who is authentic and who is trying to take advantage. Even if the story is something you can validate, you still don't really know whether the help is truly needed or they just saw an opportunity.

that sounds like online pan handling.

I did check the GFM fees:

GoFundMe deducts a processing fee of \(2.9\%\) + \(\$0.30\) per donation. This fee is automatically taken from each donation, so the fundraiser receives the total donations minus the processing fee. Donors can also choose to leave an optional tip for GoFundMe, and those who opt for monthly recurring donations will pay an additional 5% fee on those donations. Per-donation fees Processing fee: \(2.9\%\) + \(\$0.30\) per transaction.This fee is automatic and is deducted before the funds are sent to the fundraiser.Example: For a \(\$50\) donation, the fees would be \((\$50\times 0.029)+\$0.30=\$1.45+\$0.30=\$1.75\). The fundraiser would receive \(\$48.25\). Other fees and options Optional tip: Donors can choose to add a voluntary tip to GoFundMe, which is not required and does not affect the amount the fundraiser receives.Recurring donations: If a donor chooses to make recurring monthly donations, an additional 5% fee applies to those recurring payments.No platform fee to start: It is free to create and share a fundraiser. The fees are only applied to the donations received. 

The sad stories on Nextdoor is very prevalent in my area also. There are many repeat offenders who also post in local FB groups begging for food and money. We had one a few days ago insisting she needed pizza Doordashed to her and her kids. There are a ton of local food pantries all offering food but she did not want to have to drive to them. The public is losing patience with these types. Many have tried to explain how beans and rice make a complete protein and even offered recipes. She came back nasty and then eventually deleted the post.

IF the three family members do need travel expenses, housing and food, they also will not be receiving wages for the months of the trial. In my mind GoFundMe is pan handling.

I think GoFundMe is abused. I used to follow a pet page on Faciebutts, the lady worked, had a good job, and was "differently" abled. Her dog was a handsome young male pit bull with enough personality for 10 dogs his size. He was a sweetheart, and he was incredibly handsome.

About five years in he had to go to the ER vet for something wrong with one of his legs, I don't remember how he injured it, but she posted a pic of the bill for services rendered and made a GoFundMe, I've been to my fair share of ER vets, you don't get an invoice without paying, and you don't bring your dog home without paying. So it was most likely already paid. The posting said the usual, "oh pitiful me, I'm disabled, and this is the ER vet bill for my dog." And the folks that follow her jumped right in and paid it, with some extra, of course. A year or so later the dog got sick, some kinda something going around, or he ate something? I don't really remember, again GoFundMe, sob story, big $$ response from her followers. From this point on, until the dog's unfortunate demise some years later, every time he had to go to the vet, even for routine stuff, she did it again. But she had forgone the use of GoFundMe, and had her followers just send money with Paypal, or some even sent checks in the mail to her PO box.

I don't think she ever paid for a vet visit for that dog, and I think she lived very well off of the folks that fell for her "oh pitiful me" scam.

When I'm in a parking lot somewhere and an individual approaches asking if I can help them with _________ because _________, my answer is a truthful, "Sorry, I don't carry cash." I keep waiting for the day when the person says, "Oh, that's okay," and pulls out a phone with a card reader attached.

I will only donate to an individual if I know them. Otherwise, I donate to organizations.

Yes, I can see there could be lost wages....however two of the three operate a home daycare and the other is a high school student, so not sure about the extent and not looking to quibble - just thinking $180K is a lot of generosity, given the situation....just my viewpoint.

@drdoggie00 wrote:

When I'm in a parking lot somewhere and an individual approaches asking if I can help them with _________ because _________, my answer is a truthful, "Sorry, I don't carry cash." I keep waiting for the day when the person says, "Oh, that's okay," and pulls out a phone with a card reader attached.

I will only donate to an individual if I know them. Otherwise, I donate to organizations.

Maybe not a card reader, but they definitely have Venmo accounts, so the "no cash" line isn't cutting it anymore!

My community has an "I have, you need" FB group. It cracks me up the things people have the audacity to ask for. My all time favorite was a request for candles...and the requester "preferred Woodwick." LMAO, sure lady, me too

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/12/2025 01:33AM by bradkcrew.

As far as panhandlers and such, I'll give them the change in the door handle of my car, but no paper money. And if they are asking for food, I'll go to the closest fast food place and buy them a meal. And I'll offer them whatever they want from the groceries in my car (because there always seems to be groceries of some kind in my car).

My son does enough picking that we always seem to have various sizes of jackets, shirts and pants either in the car, or easy to get to at home. So we offer those to folks that ask for food and money too.

I'm honestly amazed that so few people who say they are in need aren't interested in food or warm clothing when it's offered. And honestly, if they said they were going to use it for booze, I'd buy them some booze too. But they can't have my gummies, those are mine.

I agree that the 180k is a lot. In fact, it is way more than a lot. Yeah, we can pick this apart and find all kinds of “maybe this or that” or whatever to justify them needing this. But like the suggestions above, there is a way to make the trip/stay/meals, etc., within a reasonable budget and still be comfortable and respectable, many tens of thousands of dollars ago with that donation pile. I feel for the family, but they need to be grateful as well as reasonable and humble.

This reminds me of the movie: “Million Dollar Baby,” when the family was so greedy.

There is a constant gas station scam I see. It is someone well-dressed, business suit, either male or female. They are parked at one of the pumps. They have the hood up and they are standing there staring at the engine. They see you pull up and come over and ask if you can help them out with a couple of dollars for gas, because they are starting a new job, today. When I say I do not have any cash they will say: “There is an ATM over there.”

When someone does help out, though skeptical, and says they will put $5.00, on their pump, they seem disappointed, because they were not handed the cash. The funny thing to me is that I already know they are lying. Having the hood up is ridiculous if you are saying you need gas. It is all part of the act, hoping no one will ask: “Why is the hood up if you just need gas?”

I see them doing this daily, working the gas station for about a half hour or so, until they get a few hundred dollars. I guess that is the new job they started today.

@purpleicee wrote:

There is a constant gas station scam I see. It is someone well-dressed, business suit, either male or female. They are parked at one of the pumps. They have the hood up and they are standing there staring at the engine. They see you pull up and come over and ask if you can help them out with a couple of dollars for gas, because they are starting a new job, today. When I say I do not have any cash they will say: “There is an ATM over there.”

When someone does help out, though skeptical, and says they will put $5.00, on their pump, they seem disappointed, because they were not handed the cash. The funny thing to me is that I already know they are lying. Having the hood up is ridiculous if you are saying you need gas. It is all part of the act, hoping no one will ask: “Why is the hood up if you just need gas?”

I see them doing this daily, working the gas station for about a half hour or so, until they get a few hundred dollars. I guess that is the new job they started today.

This reminds me of an experience one of my sons had in high school. A distraught woman toting a gas can approached him with a sob story, and asked for money. He gave it to her, and an hour later he passed the same location and she was still at it. You would think that would have hardened him, but he's 28 now and still a soft touch. He lives in an affluent city and the professional homeless are relentless (and yes they all have Venmo). Now he mostly offers to buy what they claim to need the money for rather than hand over the cash, but suddenly they don't need the prescription, shoes, bus ticket, food, etc. anymore!

Many years ago I was a foster parent for a teenage girl who had a tragic past. Her mother was murdered by her boyfriend in front of her and her 2 younger siblings. The kids were all under the age of six. The family was dirt poor and there were no relatives who stepped up to take the kids. The kids had been neglected, with the oldest (my FK) often taking up feeding her younger siblings when their mother was elsewhere (if food was available)
DCF thought it was best to split up the kids to individual foster homes. The girl was adopted by a childless couple, but in her teens started struggling with her narcissistic, domineering father. She ran away and refused to return home. She was placed with me after staying in a teen shelter.

The middle child was a boy who was adopted by a family who lived further away in a small town. He was battling an aggressive form of cancer during the time the girl was living with me. GFM was not ‘a thing’ at the time but there was on online donation site that the family set up for donations and updates. Many from the community and beyond were aware of the boy’s tragic history and the donations starting flowing. It became much more than needed for the out of town hospital trips.

The parents then decided they needed to build an addition to their house for more space for him. At that point the cancer had progressed to the point that it was terminal. The donations continued to flow to the point that they met their goal for the addition. The boy died less than a year later. There was also plenty of $ to cover the funeral.

Witnessing this taught me 2 things. There are tons of good people out there who are willing to help others in need, and just as many people willing to exploit unfortunate circumstances in their lives in order to take from them. It used to be that people ‘took care of their own’ as far as funeral expenses. Now it’s commonplace to use GFM to ask the deceased’s loved ones and beyond to pay for the funeral expenses. If you don’t donate, it’s noticeable. It gets to the point where the immediate family pays nothing and has more to spare.

I like to give to people who have helped others and then fell on hard times. An example being an animal rescue farm in a neighboring county, run by a young, hard working family. They took in all kinds of animals and livestock and allowed the public to visit the farm. Their humble complex of sheds was a struck by a hurricane and was a total loss. A friend of theirs started a GFM page for them. I donated a few times while following the updates on the GFM page. They received many hefty donations from a larger nearby college town close to where they lived. It was enough for them to start over, buying a new farm, away from what appeared to be a flood plain they were on. It was a well deserved happy ending for them. Without GFM I wonder if that could have been achieved.

Giving to someone in need is always the right thing to do and you will feel good about it. The problem is there will always be some fakers out there. But if you have good and unselfish intentions when you give, you will see a blessing.

The only point I was attempting to make and maybe I didn't explain myself well was that technology has allowed the furtherance of an activity that used to be more local, among people who actually knew each other - either well or peripherally....as such, it's now ripe for uses other than true need. Up to the giver of course, to discern intent.
As well, some of amounts seem staggering and it gives me pause to wonder about recipients who don't seem to turn off the spigot even when goals are met or when goal posts keep rising.
My sense is that people give with open hearts and I don't want to think they're being defrauded. Human nature I guess.
Of course questioning it can be in poor taste, so here I am.
Too much a realist, I guess.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2025 07:53AM by BarefootBliss.