Memory from an ACL shopper on their deathbed (10 years from now)
Ahh those halcyon days of August, 2025……
I recall being assigned a vital and challenging mission.
One that would have an impact on a ton of people.
It’s clandestine, requiring optimum camo tactics and skill..
I enter a sandwich shop…. slightly short of being sure footed
to blend in with the patronage…
As I stand in an unmoving line I uncover the source
A male patron is ordering every speck of free toppings and condiments they have.
I ponder what will become of this sub monstrosity
Will it feed a family of five? Or will he actually try to wrap his big fat mouth around it?
My attention shifts to the staff.
No conspicuous child labor here.
Several other vital observations are imprinted in my mind.
No need for a notepad with this level of expertise….
After 20 minutes I reach the cashier.
I select no tip. A fatal error which will face blowback in the coming days.
I pull out my wallet. It’s as thin as my Motorola razor phone.
The cashier observes both, with a slight snicker on his face,
Then quickly averts his eyes.
No fond farewell…..which will be duly noted.
As I open the entry door a breeze hotter than a Conair 1000 brushes my face
I observe invisible heat waves billowing from the hood of my late model Chevy Spark
The interior hotter than a Blodgett bakery oven in July..
I opt to sit under the cover of a scrap maple shade tree in the parking lot median.
While consuming my free sandwich I feel whole
Brimming with pride in knowing that my mission is honored, recognized,
Even heroic,
some may say.
My razor phone has a 41% charge. Enough to complete the long form my
Spymaster slipped me. The mystery shopping Gods are on my side.
The wet bread from the fake olive oil sticks to the roof of my mouth.
Being trained for this type of setback
I pull out a plastic spoon I stole away from the establishment
to scrape it off
No sticking a finger in this mouth
Knowing where it’s just been…
I save the spoon for another purpose
It will put to use for dinner
A package of Lipton Instant chicken noodle soup.
It will provide sustenance until the early morn
When I wake up to do it all over again..
A familiar chant echoes in the corner of my mind…
What have I, What have I
What have I done to deserve this?
What have I, what have I
What have I done to deserve this?
What have I,
What have I….
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2025 02:41PM by Minime.