@rainy wrote:
@chigirl777 wrote:
@dspeakes wrote:
I have a client from New York who refers to gays as "fags" which jolts me because I have several gays and lesbians in my acquaintance (and have gay characters in my books) and around here, calling someone a fag is not a term of endearment, but I have not judged him on it because I have not felt disgust from him when he used the word and I suspect this may be a regional thing. Not living in New York myself, I don't know if it is common to use that word instead of "gay" or "queer." So until I know more, I am reluctant to judge him for using a word that may be nothing more than the commonly used term where he came from. If I ever sense an attitude from him about it, I will call him down on the attitude. But I'm not going to judge him or presume him to be homophobic because of the word he used.
You're unsure whether fag or queer might not be offensive but rather "regional"?
SMH.
I have many, many gay friends (in different states) and have often heard them referring to themselves and each other as fags, dykes, queers, and so on. Maybe if people expanded their horizons and didn't just associate with people that are just like themselves, they would have a better understanding that oftentimes people on the outside looking in might be offended while the people actually involved in the situation are not...so why bother getting upset over it? I also have watched shows (sometimes with gay or TS friends) like Queer as Folk, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, etc., and none of us was ever offended.... but people are free to get offended if they choose to. I just don't get why. It's especially strange to me that people who aren't even in the same category as the people that should allegedly be offended, like gay people, should have any involvement in dictating to those people and others what is offensive to every single one of them.
Someone who uses a potentially offensive word, the manner and context in which they use that word, and the relationship between that person and the recipient are important factors to consider before having a knee-jerk reaction to reading/hearing the word.
@ShoppingBee wrote:
Eric, LisaSTL and bgriffin have proven to be just as inappropriate with their hostile responses and misleading quotes attempting to create ill will. The three know-it-all, self-aggrandizing posters have not helped anyone here. They have only shown themselves to be what they are, argumentative, sanctimonious, mean people.
@ShoppingBee wrote:
Kudos to Chigirl777, you are truly a great person!
bgriffin, you obviously want this thread to be about you. That is not what it is about. The OP was asking for opinions. dspeakes offered a thought provoking viewpoint. Agree or not, it was an interesting perspective that you, LisaSTL and Eric in Tampa decided it was your right to hijack the thread and impose your moral reckoning. How many of you recall BBird's experience after her reveal? She had her car vandalized. BBird obviously is someone who seems to be so thoughtful, kind and caring. She even tried to help out the person who came after her when BBird was revealed. The OP may have given her drivers license for her shop. I will spell it out, the dealership may have her contact info. It may be obvious to the salesperson who his shopper was based on time and date alone! You and the gang should explain how you have helped the OP knowing she maybe found out. And "in jest", "only kidding", "it was a joke" definitely does not work this time around. Again it is not about you, it's about helping someone else.
@bgriffin wrote:
Which fact am I assuming that is not in evidence?
@bgriffin wrote:
And yet using the N word is ok. How hilarious.
@bgriffin wrote:
...I don't do things like go around changing my username on websites when I piss too many people off or join 6 months after I started lurking.... So yes, I do assume that others do the same thing. Perhaps there's a reason you don't make that assumption?
@dspeakes wrote:
You can defend yourself and make jokes all you want, bgriffin, but deliberately changing someone's words is wrong. You don't get to decide when it is and isn't appropriate and thinking something is funny does not justify doing something that is wrong. And bragging about how "hilarious" you thought it was to quote me as insulting the nice ladies at Maritz just further shows the level of maturity that runs through your sense of humor.
But the current point is Eric in Tampa's misquote of me, which was of a much more serious nature due to the topic, especially given the rant against me he delivered up in response to his manufactured quotation, which then led others to agree with his assessment of me, which was based up on his twisting of my words.
And yes, Lisa, let's drag that old incident out further. I'm sure everyone is popping corn just so they can continue to watch the drama. Bottom line, you misquoted me then ripped me up over your misquote. And i never saw any acknowledgment of your error; you must have put that up after i took my ball and left. But by all means, give them the link. I'm sure by now you've edited your misquote to something benign.
All I was doing here was acknowledging OP's turmoil over reporting what the salesman said with apparently no malicious or hateful intent. Never said it was right to use the N word, only that it is not something to massacre someone over when it was said without hatred, and possibly accidentally. I asked if he was black because if he was black and used the word, it is not as objectionable as if he was white and used the word. I said several times that people find the word offensive and it should not be used because of that. But people now are thinking I think it's okay to use it and maybe even that I am racist just because I don't find it to be a "hanging offense."
Thanks to Eric and his misquoting rant.
@dspeakes wrote:
And since apparently you are reading-impaired as well as quoting-impaired, it was bgriffin who brought up "six months ago," not me. I have better things to do than keep track of all the times I got caught in your crosshairs.
@bgriffin wrote:
I think dspeakes is obviously not from the south, where you have two kinds of people. Racist aholes and people who find the word offensive always.
@dspeakes wrote:
I am getting sick and tired of people pretending to quote me but changing my words. You've done it, bgriffin has done it and LisaSTL has done it more than once.
@bgriffin wrote:
3. The event the poster commented on happened 7 months before the poster was a registered user. You are slightly correct, the event was actually 6 months before. I made the "offending" quote on 4/15/14 and ShopperBee registered on 10/16/14. That's pretty freaking close to 6 months.