I have met several shoppers in my area. Two of them I sent leads consistently after we met and exchanged contact info, and they apparently were only interested in what I could do for them and never reciprocated. I quit responding to their emails after awhile of that one way street. Another gal I met also does merchandising in addition to shopping and is quite nice. She texts and emails me, I do the same for her, we see each other occasionally at resets, and it's always pleasant. I would go to lunch with her on a shop in a heartbeat, but often our schedules don't allow for that.

You will have better luck finding shops for 1 than shops for 3. I do at least 50% of my dining alone.
Lost my husband to a heart attack in 1994. (Yes, I was very young back then.) I'm sorry for your loss.
For me, going out alone was better than being home alone.

Maybe if you post your shopping area, somebody here can help you out?

Steve is so busy (and has many lovely women to take out), I rarely see him. Consider yourself lucky Irene.

@SoCalMama wrote:

You will have better luck finding shops for 1 than shops for 3. I do at least 50% of my dining alone.
Lost my husband to a heart attack in 1994. (Yes, I was very young back then.) I'm sorry for your loss.
For me, going out alone was better than being home alone.

Maybe if you post your shopping area, somebody here can help you out?

Steve is so busy (and has many lovely women to take out), I rarely see him. Consider yourself lucky Irene.

I know must have been my lucky day, now he owes me one......he is busy, so, was good to see him....I agree
better to do one meal alone, than 3, as you can't really enjoy yourself while working. Funny, I always enjoyed going out alone, and being so many woman travel for business, I have been given a Vogue Magazine at a nice dinner. I don't think I could ever have done this with my ex ,he orders too many drinks and food....wasn't his style. Sorry about your loss, but yes, more fun to go out than sit home alone (on the pity pot), as my daughter says.

I am not trying to be insensitive, but don't you have friends who are not couples or who can go out without their spouse or S.O.?

I am orry for your loss. I became a window 2//12 years ago and have found a single friend that i have dinner with several times a week. She is glad to have a meal and we do all klinds from casual to fine dining. She gets the meal and I do all the work but it works.
Maybe you can find a single person at work, at your place of worship or other places. Once you find the partner, it will be easy to find the dinner shops.
Sonme of the shops I do are for one person Confero and ACl

My married friends, the woman always want to go to lunch (not dinner).and I don't want their husbands around but I'm an independent one. i see so many woman having lunch or dinner alone.
I'd just rather go out now and then with girlfriends, catch up, enjoy, and do my work myself. Being this is new to OP, I think she'll be'o.k, once she gets used to it..

Is it generational? It is just not unusual for my couple friends to go out without their spouse for cocktails or dinner. I remember as a kid my mother would go out with her girlfriends and among people my age it is not limited by gender. Sometimes the other half of the couple has something else going on.

I guess it depends on the couple, some are stuck like glue while others need their space. Personally, I think it healthy to have your own thing to do or mix it up, I was Independent as a young girl, ahead of my generation.
Hence my daughter takes after her Mom and has traveled the world, much of it alone. I think it's not an age thing but rather about being a dependant person. I think men are bored (or should be) listening to woman talk. I believe space is growth, and keeps a marriage or relationship interesting....but, what do i know, I couldn't be
tied down...

When hubby is in town we are stuck like glue, LOL. He is my best friend. But you are right, space is good. When he is gone it takes a lot of adjusting, and then it is so wonderful when he comes home! He has horrible separation anxiety at first after he leaves, I miss him but I deal with it better than he does. It's really kind of sweet.

You are hanging out with the wrong men Men absolutely should not be bored listening to a woman. Our voices are just as important as theirs.

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

I think men are bored (or should be) listening to woman talk.

I am very sorry for your loss, I stopped doing restaurant shops because they required two people. Have you thought about doing banking shops?

@LisaSTL wrote:

You are hanging out with the wrong men Men absolutely should not be bored listening to a woman. Our voices are just as important as theirs.

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

I think men are bored (or should be) listening to woman talk.

OMG..you took this so out of content....when woman go out for lunch we girl talk, about our stuff,
kids, clothes, that's all I meant. I'm not hanging out with the wrong men, my men are very intelligent,
and I'd rather go out with him alone, not drag him to a ladies lunch......he may want to play golf or
watch sports or work...whatever.........viva la difference.....

Thanks for all the suggestions, comments and your condolences. In general, I am seeing couples that my husband and were friendly with gradually pulling away. Apparently they are not comfortable having a "third wheel." I was at an event where a woman asked me for a recommendation on a good seafood restaurant...I made a suggestion; she then turned to another friend and said "The four of us should go this weekend," meaning them and their husbands. Can you imagine asking me for the suggestion but not suggesting we all go. So, I don't know if its a generational thing or what, but it blows my mind that people in their 60s and 70s think this way -- don't they realize that we all will be in this situation in not that many years?? I've been asked why I am still wearing my wedding band (because it's been four months, we were married for 30 years, and I still am emotionally married). I could go on and on.....
My post was really addressing why MSCs won't let us bring an extra person, even if we don't expect reimbursement for that person's meal.
In my community, women go out to lunch together, but they don't leave their hubbys and do girls nights for dinner. That probably is a generational thing. I don't do many lunches because I work from home and lunches out take a bit chunk of the day. I do carry outs, bank shops, grocery shops; but I really miss dinner out and am not excited (at least yet) about eating alone in a restaurant...the idea for me is to get out, enjoy someone's company and not have to cook/clean.
Its one more frustration, but will have to deal with it! Thank you again for your suggestions.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and especially how hard it must be after 30 years. We've been married for 35 and I can't imagine it. I don't wear a ring since mine has shrunk but can't imagine how insensitive people would think that you would take it off after only 4 months. Wear it with pride that you had so many years of love and I hope you find some shops for trios.

@EileenS wrote:

My post was really addressing why MSCs won't let us bring an extra person, even if we don't expect reimbursement for that person's meal.

The answer to this is that a significant percentage (well over 50%) of the parties at restaurants are for 2 people. The want feedback on an average meal.

People will pull away. That's how it is. When you have kids and they don't (or vice versa), the same thing happens. As far as asking you for a recommendation and not inviting you along, that was very insensitive.

It gets easier. It might take a year. It might take ten years, but it does get easier eventually. I'm sorry.

EileenS ...I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. To comment on the question of whether their actions could be a generational thing. It could be. But you know what else might be a generational thing? You not asking them to invite you. They, for whatever reason, don't know to do that. But I bet if you did, they gladly would and would wonder to themselves, "Why didn't we think to ask her to join us?" In the meantime, if I come across some dining shops for one, I'll pass the info to you for sure. God speed.

It might be too soon, or too radical, to consider this option... but here it is. What about doing a few hotel shops by yourself? Some properties have nice restaurants, and you could enjoy great, reimbursed meals. This gets you the great meals, at least. And it might be a new thing to do, just for giggles.

Hi Eileens, I'm sorry for your loss, and wish you the best. I was told by a scheduler that the reason for only two people is for the timings. For fine dining they want times down to the seconds, and three will throw those times off.

I like your style. haha.

@Dongjuan wrote:

I always just pick up someone from my local backpage website and take them as the other person.

I am new to mystery shopping so I don't know. I am so sorry for your loss<3

Tada, what an interesting perspective. The coupled friends may be thinking it would be a painful reminder for Eileen. Good advice for her to take the initiative.

This situation of losing one's husband or getting a divorce after many years of being a couple is similar. When married we went with married couples, after divorce, I continued going out with my girlfriends but really was no
longer comfortable with couples, life had changed. I was more comfortable with single or divorced woman, but was busy raising my daughter so it wasn't an issue. I do think griefing takes time, allow that, and don't worry so much about going out. I turned to family and flew home every other month, which was comforting. We always say, "one step at a time", it hasn't been long for you, give yourself time and know things have changed.
Personally, I didn't want to be the third wheel, people felt bad and it was awkward for me to continue in a life that no longer was.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2017 03:46PM by Irene_L.A..

Yeah, LisaSTL I think that's a possibility. And also, speaking from experience, it could be that THEY are nervous and don't know what to say to her. So, not meaning to distance themselves from her, they have out of fear of not knowing what to say. Anyway, I wish her the best AND her naïve friends. I would go to dinner with her. We could 'tag team' remembering timings!

@SoCalMama wrote:

The answer to this is that a significant percentage (well over 50%) of the parties at restaurants are for 2 people. The want feedback on an average meal.

This is my understanding of the rule as well.

@EileenS, sorry for your loss. I imagine that's a tough transition...but that's what it is. A transition to a new lifestyle and different way of looking at shops, and friendships.

I don't think the perceived distance between some couples and others who are single is necessarily generational, but the reluctance for some to out without their significant others may be. I have friends I've met here that I will take on shops, friends from school/work that come along and halves of couples who regularly join me as well. I think because of my generation and location, many of my coupled friends are both busy professionals, so one of them is often alone, and then available as a dinner guest for me.

@JASFLALMT wrote:

Next time I come to LA, Irene, I will let you know in advance. I think I would like to just go hang out and eat/drink on a non-shop, though!

Yes i know every happy hour in town....

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

@JASFLALMT wrote:

Next time I come to LA, Irene, I will let you know in advance. I think I would like to just go hang out and eat/drink on a non-shop, though!

Yes i know every happy hour in town....

How close are you to UCLA?

@SoCalMama wrote:

@Irene_L.A. wrote:

@JASFLALMT wrote:

Next time I come to LA, Irene, I will let you know in advance. I think I would like to just go hang out and eat/drink on a non-shop, though!

Yes i know every happy hour in town....

How close are you to UCLA?

I'm about 30 miles No. from Beverly Hills, same for UCLA......taking Sunset Blvd off the 405. I usually take Coldwater Cyn. and try and avoid the 405.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2017 06:25PM by Irene_L.A..

@LisaSTL wrote:

I am not trying to be insensitive, but don't you have friends who are not couples or who can go out without their spouse or S.O.?

I'm guessing you're not married? I found that the longer you're married, the fewer single friends you have. It's not generational; my youngest relatives have expressed the same sentiment. Your life and your concerns are different than your single friends, and most simply drift away as you spend time on different things.

This is getting a little far from my original post. I appreciate the responses that deal with the specific question about why MSC won't allow an extra person. I can't (nor can most of you) begin to understand why people react to newly-widowed (or newly-divorced) friends the way they do. But I feel like a couple of you are turning it on me, as it must be me not reaching out, etc. All I did is vent (which I stated) that it's frustrating to have to virtually give up a lucrative and fun business that I developed over the past 15 years. I truly appreciate the sincere condolences I have received and the suggestions on where to look for possible 3-person shops. The rest I need to sort thru on my own!

@iShop123 wrote:

I'm guessing you're not married?

That is neither here nor there. My friends have always been my friends regardless of our relationship status at the time.