I used to tweet the stupid stuff I come across at gas stations because they’re so funny. I think it would be fun to start a tread here that people can contribute to. I’ll start:

1)
Me (cheerfully as always): Hi, I’m here for your (brand) evaluation.
Surly, angsty, deadpan teen attendant: Go talk to my dad. He’s the owner. Don’t call him dad.
Me: I had no intention of it. (Turns to dad walking in the store) Hi dad! I’m here for your evaluation.

2)
Me: Do you have a restroom for customers?
Attendant clearly feeling defeated: No. you can just go out behind the ice machine outside.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2018 03:26PM by Hoju.

I had a gas station attendant tell me once that a customer told her I was taking pictures (they were really concerned). She said "yes I am going to be in the paper tomorrow".

I once had a customer tell me that I was collecting information on all the cars as they came in. I couldn't convince her I wasn't.

I have had managers that wanted a smiley face on the paperwork when they did good.

My favorite always has been and probably always will be:

Customer in huge pickup with truck nuts:. What are you doing? Is there something wrong with the gas here?
Me: No, I'm just doing an audit of the branding.
Truck nut driver: No there's something wrong with the gas, why else are you taking pictures?
Me: No seriously, it's just to make sure they have the right signs up and that kinda thing.
TND: no, I think there's something wrong with the gas. I'm not buying gas here.
:TND speeds off:

In my recent unrevealed audit at my local 7-11, which coincidentally seems to be where the most attractive gas attendants seem to work at, I placed my $0.10 Tootsie Roll in-store cash-only purchase on the counter. The beautiful Gas Attendant who will be nameless stated, "That will be $0.12." I placed a crisp, fresh-from-the-bank $1 bill on the counter. She silently collected my cash payment and provides me my change with a quiet response, "Thank you." I then stared at her until I got lost in her eyes when her eyes connected with mine. I snapped out of this trance when she smirked at me and asked, "Yes?" As I shook my head to gather my thoughts, my smile began to glow as I looked away and then looked down. I then heated up my nails with my breath and brushed it off my shirt to help me feel like I cleaned my nails off with a shine as I continued looking down at my hand. I then looked up at her with my glowing smile and asked with confidence.... "Can I get a receipt?" The look she gave me was something I'd never forget and it also told me one of two things.... I either swept her off her feet, or I blew her away.

I always get: "Are you getting ready to buy the place?"

@Tarantado wrote:

I either swept her off her feet, or I blew her away.

Oh I'm guessing it was something else.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2018 04:11PM by bgriffin.

@Relly wrote:

I always get: "Are you getting ready to buy the place?"

I've gotten that a few times before as well.

One gas station I did this week had a sign that said: What do you do if your reality check....bounces?

I took a photo, but I HATED submitting it as unauthorized signage.

Last October I had a location that had a reader board on their MID. It said "Pumpkin Spice Oil Change $29.99"

I had to take his picture because he wasn't wearing a name tag. I asked his permission. He said yes, and posed.

Not a shop. Should have been a shop.

I paid a coupla' bucks for a ginormous coffee. I asked for a receipt. "You wanna receipt for two bucks???"

@Shop-et-al wrote:

Not a shop. Should have been a shop.

I paid a coupla' bucks for a ginormous coffee. I asked for a receipt. "You wanna receipt for two bucks???"

My hubby shops too, when he's feeling up to getting out - he enjoys it, and it gives him something to do...he does a lot of gas stations, and he always buys Blow Pops... .74. And he gets that question a lot, lol. He has a line about his "accountant" wanting a receipt for every penny

"Best" line I've gotten when I asked for the ladies room was.. "Yes ma'am, we have one, but you don't want to see it." This was a mystery shop. By that point, I'd been hit on twice, had to practically argue with one customer over paying for my own .99 tea, and I'd seen my first pregnant (I don't think I can put this phrase in...woman of ill repute who is addicted to a smokable substance?) I've done this same station multiple times since, but I'm a bit more prepared now!

Attendant: “Don’t mind pumps 5 & 6, we had a little fire and just haven’t had time to fix them yet!” (Pumps 5 & 6 looked like melted candles, canopy above and surrounding cement were charred black, looked horrible)
Me (figuring I would add a note at the bottom with this info): “Ok, when was the fire?”
Attendant: “The beginning of November.” (It was now April)

I went into one station, and there was a large Black Lab sitting in a chair behind the front counter. No human attendant in sight, and the dog just sat there looking at me with a bored expression on its face.

The human popped back just a minute or so later, he had been doing something in the attached shop. Still makes me giggle a little when I picture the look on that dogs face haha

One station, right after I revealed, the clerk proceeded to run off everything that was wrong with the station. "Yeah, the canopy is filthy, I keep telling them to clean it.".... "People have been complaining about those potholes but they won't do anything about it." .... "(Distributor name) is too cheap to give us new credit card applications". The guy completely slammed his boss, and the distributor before I even took a picture. (Location really wasn't THAT bad, either).

Another station, when the clerk (who was in a fine uniform) was refusing the photo, with his manager next to him.
Me: "Ok, I will just take a photo the counter".
Manager: "Stop being a sissy and let him take the picture."
Me: "It's ok, I can just take the photo of the counter."
Manager: "No, he's gonna be a man and let you take the picture! Then insists that the employee allow the picture." Employee eventually obliges.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2018 10:20PM by tcurione.

I did one station where the clerk was curious about the evaluation, and it wan't busy at the time. I explained what I was checking, noting she had her uniform and name tag, and the applications were current. As a joke, I said, "So, where do you hide the synthetic drugs?" She said. "Oh. They're right over here," and began walking toward an area behind the counter. I thought, oh brother, I'm not supposed to have asked, and now she might get one of us in trouble. I called out, "Wait! You're not supposed to actually tell me." Luckily, it turns out she had misunderstood and was showing me the over-the-counter stuff like Advil.

I completed one the other day that was in the middle of the dessert, like, there's only a missile range within 50 miles. There were two Associates working there, both looked like they were under 18, one male and one female, both Hispanic and looked like siblings. They were both obviously very intelligent based on their interactions and seemingly very normal, sweet and kind. Then I announced the audit. I was introducing the paperwork when the phone rang. She picked it up and said it was for me. The female, with a Taiwanese accent, asked what I was doing there. I told her as I tried to downplay the importance of it. I hadn't been there 10 minutes when a man with an Australian accent strolled in and started telling me how the winds blow everything away around here and that's what happened to the pump toppers, as he was buying a pack of smokes. Within the next 10 minutes at least 4 other people / couples came in and bought a thing or two, all from different countries with their accompanying accents. The male attendant had been texting furiously. Meanwhile, the lady on the phone had been watching us on video, she said and there was a google voice machine right in front of me. I didn't even have cell service there so I took the photos and split as quick as I could, looking behind me for the next 98 miles. You kind of had to be there to feel the creepiness but I won't be back to that station! The msc paid an insane amount of money for that one and now I know why. Reminded me of Hotel Hell.

While he pumped gas, the customer was complaining about the gas prices to his wife through the window of the vehicle. He scowled as he glanced at me in my fluorescent vest a few times while I took photos. He went inside the store when he was done, and as he came back out he pointed at me and screamed, "These prices are ****ing ridiculous." I yelled back, "I know!" He shouted, "No, I mean they're too god**** high!" I yelled back, "Yes, they are!" He glared as he spit the words, "I'm never buying gas here again!" With conviction I stated, "I wouldn't either!" He stared at me for about three seconds with a look on his face somewhere between rage and utter confusion, then he got in his vehicle, slammed the door, and spun the tires as he sped away.

That’s awesome. We would have also accepted the response of “Thank you for paying for my new boat!”

Was Fabio waiting outside?

@Tarantado wrote:

In my recent unrevealed audit at my local 7-11, which coincidentally seems to be where the most attractive gas attendants seem to work at, I placed my $0.10 Tootsie Roll in-store cash-only purchase on the counter. The beautiful Gas Attendant who will be nameless stated, "That will be $0.12." I placed a crisp, fresh-from-the-bank $1 bill on the counter. She silently collected my cash payment and provides me my change with a quiet response, "Thank you." I then stared at her until I got lost in her eyes when her eyes connected with mine. I snapped out of this trance when she smirked at me and asked, "Yes?" As I shook my head to gather my thoughts, my smile began to glow as I looked away and then looked down. I then heated up my nails with my breath and brushed it off my shirt to help me feel like I cleaned my nails off with a shine as I continued looking down at my hand. I then looked up at her with my glowing smile and asked with confidence.... "Can I get a receipt?" The look she gave me was something I'd never forget and it also told me one of two things.... I either swept her off her feet, or I blew her away.

@spicy1 wrote:

I completed one the other day that was in the middle of the dessert, like, there's only a missile range within 50 miles. There were two Associates working there, both looked like they were under 18, one male and one female, both Hispanic and looked like siblings. They were both obviously very intelligent based on their interactions and seemingly very normal, sweet and kind. Then I announced the audit. I was introducing the paperwork when the phone rang. She picked it up and said it was for me. The female, with a Taiwanese accent, asked what I was doing there. I told her as I tried to downplay the importance of it. I hadn't been there 10 minutes when a man with an Australian accent strolled in and started telling me how the winds blow everything away around here and that's what happened to the pump toppers, as he was buying a pack of smokes. Within the next 10 minutes at least 4 other people / couples came in and bought a thing or two, all from different countries with their accompanying accents. The male attendant had been texting furiously. Meanwhile, the lady on the phone had been watching us on video, she said and there was a google voice machine right in front of me. I didn't even have cell service there so I took the photos and split as quick as I could, looking behind me for the next 98 miles. You kind of had to be there to feel the creepiness but I won't be back to that station! The msc paid an insane amount of money for that one and now I know why. Reminded me of Hotel Hell.

I thought of Twilight Zone as I was reading this.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2018 01:25PM by pegleg2000.

I had a Phillips 66 owner/manager rip up the letter of authorization I presented him and then order me off the property. I'm sure that went over well with corporate!

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2018 12:29PM by mitchk.

My all time favorite gas shop story is when I was doing a shop where you have to photo the pump you use. I bought my gas and moved my car to do the inside stuff. The station was not busy. Came out to do the pictures and there was a car at the pump I needed. I got all my other photos and started to wait for the car to move. It a big older Cadillac being driven by a rather small older woman. She finishes pumping the gas and then goes to clean her windshield. She took forever to clean the front windshield, then she started on the back. Undoubtedly she liked the way the squeegee worked because she then took it and completely washed every inch of her car!

Now that I have gotten older myself (which surprises the heck out of me) I should do that be cheaper than a car wash.

@2stepps wrote:

Now that I have gotten older myself (which surprises the heck out of me) I should do that be cheaper than a car wash.

An attendant (not on a shop)once told me to do the car woth the squegee before going into the car wash to get a better wash. Kind of seems like rinsing the dishes before running the dishwasher to me.