I too had trouble with the written reports when I first started. JasperJohnson has fantastic advice. When doing a narrative report, first know if it is subjective or objective. Walk yourself through the shop in a step by step manner, greeting, interaction, parting. You are writing a picture. Your words should create a picture of what happened in both types of shops. "The music was not so loud as to make conversation difficult", "The outdoor entrance area was littered with debris and trash", or "The employee responded with a sincere smile". Think about having a conversation with someone and telling them about your trip to Disneyland or the beach. What did you say to convey your experience.

After writing your first draft, read through it. This will spark memories of other things that may have occurred that need to be added and will let you know if it makes sense. I always end up rewriting sentences and paragraphs, adding and deleting things or changing the order or wording.

Make sure to read your guidelines. Each company has different requirements. Some want a simple response, "The table was clean". Others, a more descriptive comment, "The table was clean. All condiments were available." At first it will take more time, but eventually it will become easy for you.

But, even with someone who seems to have experience with narrative shops, mistakes are made, look at the second to last sentence referring you to the recorder app. Even the best authors have editors.

Take Care

@atlantic wrote:

I too had trouble with the written reports when I first started. JasperJohnson has fantastic advice. When doing a narrative report, first know if it is subjective or objective. Walk yourself through the shop in a step by step manner, greeting, interaction, parting. You are writing a picture. Your words should create a picture of what happened in both types of shops. "The music was not so loud as to make conversation difficult", "The outdoor entrance area was littered with debris and trash", or "The employee responded with a sincere smile". Think about having a conversation with someone and telling them about your trip to Disneyland or the beach. What did you say to convey your experience.

After writing your first draft, read through it. This will spark memories of other things that may have occurred that need to be added and will let you know if it makes sense. I always end up rewriting sentences and paragraphs, adding and deleting things or changing the order or wording.

Make sure to read your guidelines. Each company has different requirements. Some want a simple response, "The table was clean". Others, a more descriptive comment, "The table was clean. All condiments were available." At first it will take more time, but eventually it will become easy for you.

But, even with someone who seems to have experience with narrative shops, mistakes are made, look at the second to last sentence referring you to the recorder app. Even the best authors have editors.

Take Care

Thank you for the response. I am using Grammarly on the free addition at the moment. I am wanting to do the classes at MSPA but I need to get more shops to pay for the classes and upgrades.

Write your narratives out in a Gmail account and save them in the drafts folder because Grammarly will work in Gmail. When I first started doing apartment shops that is what I wrote the narratives out in. Then copy and paste into the shop report. It really improved my writing. If you use firefox I would give ginger a try. Since I have started using a Chromebook I no longer have that option.

@2stepps wrote:

Write your narratives out in a Gmail account and save them in the drafts folder because Grammarly will work in Gmail. When I first started doing apartment shops that is what I wrote the narratives out in. Then copy and paste into the shop report. It really improved my writing. If you use firefox I would give ginger a try. Since I have started using a Chromebook I no longer have that option.

I have it working with Word, browser, and web pages. There is a Grammarly app that is an extension for my chrome browser that should work on your Chromebook "Grammarly for Chrome" at the Chrome Web Store. Also, find this that works with Google Docs [www.grammarly.com]?

Hello, Language Arts major here! I edited your narrative in the way I would have done it. Short, clear, concise sentences. As many FACTS as possible. (Names, part names, quotations, etc)

When I arrived, there were 8 vehicles for sale and present at the front of the property. There were not any customers visible other than myself. The building exterior appeared to be well maintained; the proper signage (I am guessing they were looking for branding or a specific promotion, by your sentence.) A four door model of the “insert vehicle” was located upon an elevated portion of the property, increasing its’ visibility.
I entered the location and noted that the parts counter sat directly in front of me. There were two personnel on duty behind the counter. A display sat directly to my right and the four (insert the exact number) desks for the sales personnel sat directly to my left. The interior was clean, uncluttered, and had an open feel to it. My first impression was that this would be a location I could do business with. (Depending on the questions, I know that some Shops ask for “your impressions.” Try to provide the reasoning for this impression. Ie: The lighting was very dim, creating a gloomy feeling. Or, The open arrangement created a cohesive feeling between the departments)
I was not greeted by any of the employees until I prompted an unenthusiastic, “Hello,” by saying, “Hi Guys!” After none of the employees made the initiative to approach me, I went to the parts counter. I inquired if I could meet with a salesperson and was informed that, “he is not in today.” The gentleman, (provide name if they are wearing name-tags), asked me what I would like to talk about today. (This is strange wording, was he asking if you were car shopping or looking for a part to replace? I would have specified according to the guide, ie: “Frank, one of the gentlemen behind the counter, asked me if I was looking for anything specific today.”) He was very abrupt, minimizing our interaction, and only responding with me prompting him with questions. He, ultimately, let me know that they had a (insert the part name) in stock for (insert $ amount given). I let him know (insert reason for not buying today) and asked if I could have a business card to call him back. He said that he was out of business cards. I finally asked him if he could write down his information for me to call back. (I would have asked him to print out the part info with the price and write his name down for me call back.)

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/02/2021 11:55PM by Mressler82.

@Mressler82 wrote:

Hello, Language Arts major here! I edited your narrative in the way I would have done it. Short, clear, concise sentences. As many FACTS as possible. (Names, part names, quotations, etc)

When I arrived, there were 8 vehicles for sale and present at the front of the property. There were not any customers visible other than myself. The building exterior appeared to be well maintained; the proper signage (I am guessing they were looking for branding or a specific promotion, by your sentence.) A four door model of the “insert vehicle” was located upon an elevated portion of the property, increasing its’ visibility.
I entered the location and noted that the parts counter sat directly in front of me. There were two personnel on duty behind the counter. A display sat directly to my right and the four (insert the exact number) desks for the sales personnel sat directly to my left. The interior was clean, uncluttered, and had an open feel to it. My first impression was that this would be a location I could do business with. (Depending on the questions, I know that some Shops ask for “your impressions.” Try to provide the reasoning for this impression. Ie: The lighting was very dim, creating a gloomy feeling. Or, The open arrangement created a cohesive feeling between the departments)
I was not greeted by any of the employees until I prompted an unenthusiastic, “Hello,” by saying, “Hi Guys!” After none of the employees made the initiative to approach me, I went to the parts counter. I inquired if I could meet with a salesperson and was informed that, “he is not in today.” The gentleman, (provide name if they are wearing name-tags), asked me what I would like to talk about today. (This is strange wording, was he asking if you were car shopping or looking for a part to replace? I would have specified according to the guide, ie: “Frank, one of the gentlemen behind the counter, asked me if I was looking for anything specific today.”) He was very abrupt, minimizing our interaction, and only responding with me prompting him with questions. He, ultimately, let me know that they had a (insert the part name) in stock for (insert $ amount given). I let him know (insert reason for not buying today) and asked if I could have a business card to call him back. He said that he was out of business cards. I finally asked him if he could write down his information for me to call back. (I would have asked him to print out the part info with the price and write his name down for me call back.)

Thank you for your report.
You have just made my point that you need a degree in English to narrative report . Or at least a class in creative writing.

@bmttinman wrote:

@Mressler82 wrote:

Hello, Language Arts major here! I edited your narrative in the way I would have done it. Short, clear, concise sentences. As many FACTS as possible. (Names, part names, quotations, etc) /

I deleted all the stuff in between for brevity.(sandy)

Thank you for your report.
You have just made my point that you need a degree in English to narrative report . Or at least a class in creative writing.

Sandy's response after the thank you above.... Now if only the msc would pay enough for the required expertise. I think that report alone without the time spent at the dealer is worth at least $50.

@sandyf wrote:

@bmttinman wrote:

@Mressler82 wrote:

Hello, Language Arts major here! I edited your narrative in the way I would have done it. Short, clear, concise sentences. As many FACTS as possible. (Names, part names, quotations, etc) /

I deleted all the stuff in between for brevity.(sandy)

Thank you for your report.
You have just made my point that you need a degree in English to narrative report . Or at least a class in creative writing.

Sandy's response after the thank you above.... Now if only the msc would pay enough for the required expertise. I think that report alone without the time spent at the dealer is worth at least $50.

The job with incentive was it $65. This shop originally goes for $25 @sandyf

Mressler82 did a beautiful job, but you don't need a degree in English or creative writing to write mystery shopping reports. I read the blurb that you submitted to the company and as others have mentioned already, I can immediately see why it was unusable.

1) Learn homonyms. where vs. were, high vs. hi
2) Read free books from the library, maybe even one of those "how to write" books. Take a free online course from Coursera.
3) Proofread, you wrote "build" instead of "building." That is something you should catch by reading through your report.
4) Compare your report to Mressler82's report and figure out why his/hers is better. Then try to re-write your own report.

If you complain "oh I need an English degree to write properly," then you're only hurting yourself. You should be able to write one of these reports with a high school degree.

Actually, since we are all here reading through this thread, follow steps 1, 3, and 4 right now and then post your re-write. @bmttinman

@bmttinman wrote:

@Mressler82 wrote:

Hello, Language Arts major here! I edited your narrative in the way I would have done it. Short, clear, concise sentences. As many FACTS as possible. (Names, part names, quotations, etc)

When I arrived, there were 8 vehicles for sale and present at the front of the property. There were not any customers visible other than myself. The building exterior appeared to be well maintained; the proper signage (I am guessing they were looking for branding or a specific promotion, by your sentence.) A four door model of the “insert vehicle” was located upon an elevated portion of the property, increasing its’ visibility.
I entered the location and noted that the parts counter sat directly in front of me. There were two personnel on duty behind the counter. A display sat directly to my right and the four (insert the exact number) desks for the sales personnel sat directly to my left. The interior was clean, uncluttered, and had an open feel to it. My first impression was that this would be a location I could do business with. (Depending on the questions, I know that some Shops ask for “your impressions.” Try to provide the reasoning for this impression. Ie: The lighting was very dim, creating a gloomy feeling. Or, The open arrangement created a cohesive feeling between the departments)
I was not greeted by any of the employees until I prompted an unenthusiastic, “Hello,” by saying, “Hi Guys!” After none of the employees made the initiative to approach me, I went to the parts counter. I inquired if I could meet with a salesperson and was informed that, “he is not in today.” The gentleman, (provide name if they are wearing name-tags), asked me what I would like to talk about today. (This is strange wording, was he asking if you were car shopping or looking for a part to replace? I would have specified according to the guide, ie: “Frank, one of the gentlemen behind the counter, asked me if I was looking for anything specific today.”) He was very abrupt, minimizing our interaction, and only responding with me prompting him with questions. He, ultimately, let me know that they had a (insert the part name) in stock for (insert $ amount given). I let him know (insert reason for not buying today) and asked if I could have a business card to call him back. He said that he was out of business cards. I finally asked him if he could write down his information for me to call back. (I would have asked him to print out the part info with the price and write his name down for me call back.)

Thank you for your report.
You have just made my point that you need a degree in English to narrative report . Or at least a class in creative writing.

Not meant to be insulting by any mean, but trying to brainstorm on ideas that can help you in the long run.

Have you considered checking out English as a Second Language (ESL) courses, even if English is your native language? Even if you speak English just fine, attacking the basics and focusing on your foundation may be part of the solution to helping improve your overall grammar.

Dear "Language Arts Major" -- how about removing the apostrophe after " its" ?

I didn't even READ the rest of your entry.

Please don't feel picked upon or bullied; that is not my intention whatsoever. You presented yourself as "better" or more informed than we mere drudges.

And welcome to the forum. I look forward to reading your future posts! And I promise not to be a grammar Nazi. I don't have the credentials for it, anyway!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2021 04:09PM by ceasesmith.