[www.mysteryshopforum.com]

I've reported this thread and asked that it be deleted or shutdown, but wanted to further ask that smears of other forum members not be permitted.

I noted to a moderator privately that I've suffered from mental/emotional pain from others' insults of me and false accusations (it's as if some have doubled down on that even!) and that this sort of behavior ought not be permitted on this forum. There are too many posters/posts to even try to provide a history of things, but it's not acceptable to:

1.) falsely accuse me of being a book writer and/or troll
2.) insult/mock/attack me in some way (that's a form of psychological abuse)

I explained privately to a moderator that I've had very negative thoughts this past week and am trying hard to cope. I have a strong personal faith and would never hurt anyone to act on those thoughts, but the anger that I feel sometimes feels like it has nowhere to go (although, I know God ultimately makes things right).

I do feel one way to properly deal with that anger and channel it into productive use is to report abuse and ask for forum "justice" in stopping this sort of behavior. I will take the time, when I'm emotionally ready, to deal with some individual issues with other posters, but in the meantime, I wanted to ask that the personal attacks be stopped on this forum for their innate wrong and also because it serves no useful purpose.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2017 06:43PM by shoptastic.

Apparently "useful purpose" is in the eye of the beholder. It is a humorous thread and you are not required to participate or read it.

deleted
just following trend

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2017 07:13PM by MSNinja.

didn't know being called book writer was insult or abuse. id love to called a book writer.

@MSNinja wrote:

didn't know being called book writer was insult or abuse. id love to called a book writer.

It is when you've been falsely accused of doing so when asking genuine questions about mystery shopping (with no ulterior motives) and have repeatedly told others of your intent.

I specifically noted in the past why this was not okay, as it can ruin a person's reputation online (keep in mind that fellow shoppers, schedulers, editors, and other mystery shopping company workers frequent this website). Similarly, being called a troll, insulted with little cheap shots and side swipes, mocked, "mob attacked," and the like for seemingly no other reason than having a difference of rational, intellectual opinion at times should not be tolerated.

Civil human beings should be able to have conversations where there is disagreement without being disagreeable. The level of orchestrated attack has gotten so out of hand recently that I had to ask for intervention.

MSNInja - While I can genuinely appreciate some aspects of your humor sometimes, I think you also go too far sometimes with remarks that seem designed to provoke a person. I cannot respect the latter and believe you should take some time to think about and address that. I don't have any ill will toward you or anyone else here, but I do believe you cross the line at times.

not sure y u r targeting me. i havent even been here for over month so i think u caused all these probs yourself. stop looking for scapegoat & quit making excuses.
and nothing i said was funny. no humor here.i really would like to be book writer somewday.

i dont need advise from someone who posts about their mental probs in forum.

@LisaSTL wrote:

Apparently "useful purpose" is in the eye of the beholder. It is a humorous thread and you are not required to participate or read it.

I definitely held out from reading the thread for a while, as I suspected right away it was designed as a mockery/insult of me, but I did read part of it out of curiosity and to see if any potentially misinformed views of genuine intellectual differences (relating to me) were afloat (things that I wouldn't mind having a civil discussion about).

Of course, once I read part of it and saw insults and mockery, I knew what it was most likely all about and decided to not go further.

Either one believes insult and rudeness are acceptable forms of forum interaction or they don't. What do you feel, LisaSTL?

If the former, then it should be deleted/shutdown. I've spoken about why I have no problem with genuine points of intellectual difference and at the same time despising personalized insults. Unfortunately, the latter is often resorted to by some members of the forum. I agree that I'm not required to read anything that I'm not intellectually interested in. But, I don't agree that invective, abuse, and insult should be allowed.

I also would hold you to your own word that one isn't required to read things they have no interest in when others have attacked me on a personal level. People aren't required to read what I have questions about either and I hope you'd hold others to the same standard and ask that they leave a thread of mine and/or don't participate if they disagree and cannot express themselves in a non-abusive way.

I don't know you personally, have not had too many interactions with you, and have nothing against you personally, LisaSTL. Nor, do I have any ill will towards anyone else. I simply cannot tolerate and accept attacks on others as a means of dialogue here. There should be no place for it. peace to you.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2017 07:55PM by shoptastic.

Look to yourself, you start things and we merely finish them. Leave or learn not to ask so many oddball questions..your a big girl, pull up your pants and join the crowd. Reporting us then posting about your private
report, well sorry, the mentality seems not to be there, and your blaming us for your mental health issues.
I wish you no harm, but the forum really can't give you the help you need. There was a time I was deeply provoked on this forum, I do understand (in part). I was forced after time to toggle, but I wanted to defend
myself as well, it all worked out....do your part, reflect and learn. When we keep doing the same things over and over with the same results, it's time to change.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2017 07:52PM by Irene_L.A..

I do agree that there is nothing wrong with shoptastic telling us she has reported posts. If she thinks the posts are unacceptable, she should report them. I've reported a lot of shoptastic's posts and requested that a couple of the threads shoptastic started be shut down. One of shoptastic's threads was shut down and one was deleted. But all the ones I reported didn't get moderator attention. It's really up to the moderator. Maybe I was the only one reporting shoptastic. The more reports, the more moderator action, probably.

Seeking bar integrity shops now.....

If you can't find one, feel free to stop by my house.

shoptastic..... toggle button works wonders....

Shoptastic must be a book writer because every post is a chapter. This is said for humor and not to be critical. Feel free to toggle if you wish. Love yall.

The OP attacks the honesty and integrity of every shopper in this forum, in nearly every thread. Yes, it's done in a very sly manner, but it is most certainly done. She constantly questions whether accepted and common mystery shopping practices are unfair or cheating. Those of us who prize and care for our integrity are deeply offended. We are fighting back in the only way left to us... to demonstrate the absurdity of her conclusions via silly threads. I reported her last thread which actually uses the word "cheating" in the thread title. The thread remains, and that is fine if the moderators don't agree with me. But I am even more concerned now,as she is passively aggressively talking about how "angry" she is in this thread and how she doesn't know what to do with the anger. We are not psychiatrists here and if this out of control, passive aggressive bully, is not going to be reigned in then I may have to take a leave of absence.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2017 10:22PM by CoffeeQueen.

And the silly thread many members have been enjoying was shut down. Obviously, there is no concern for the majority only the squeaky wheel who contributes nothing. Does this mean we are to adopt her "rules." For those unfamiliar, calling members unethical, lying, cheating jerks and screaming at them to shut up equals good, as long as it comes from this OP. Disagreeing or making suggestions regarding the business equals bullying. The rest of us are to walk on eggshells lest we offend. If someone else will call the whambulance, I will pour the drinks.

@LisaSTL wrote:

And the silly thread many members have been enjoying was shut down. Obviously, there is no concern for the majority only the squeaky wheel who contributes nothing. Does this mean we are to adopt her "rules." For those unfamiliar, calling members unethical, lying, cheating jerks and screaming at them to shut up equals good, as long as it comes from this OP. Disagreeing or making suggestions regarding the business equals bullying. The rest of us are to walk on eggshells lest we offend. If someone else will call the whambulance, I will pour the drinks.

Should the old time forum members who have contributed and are now up in arms, strike....I'm for it. let her have the frickin forum to herself. She wrote 26 nonsense threads, and i get deleted for nothing. PM me if you agree.

I am not afraid to say it publicly. I was accused of a personal insult for suggesting he/she stick with hobby shopping. Nonsense threads are only irritating. Most of those were designed with only one thing in mind, trolling.

Yes. A thread with "Cheating" in the title that explicity says that shoppers who don't eat enough of their food are cheating the client is a thread that is designed for a flame war. And here it is. She will say she just wanted a discussion and changed her mind. Oh yeah, after 3 days of us defending our integrity she finally changes her mind. Amazing.

@LisaSTL wrote:

I am not afraid to say it publicly. I was accused of a personal insult for suggesting he/she stick with hobby shopping. Nonsense threads are only irritating. Most of those were designed with only one thing in mind, trolling.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2017 11:03PM by CoffeeQueen.

Its ridiculous that the moderators feel a need to coddle the OP rather than banning her for constantly stirring up trouble. The only other recourse is for members to stop posting on her threads. The OP craves attention, good or bad. But getting no attention at all may finally drive her to a different forum to get her attention fix.

I thought I would quote this cry for help before it gets deleted. Please shoptastic, go see a doctor.

@shoptastic wrote:

[www.mysteryshopforum.com]

I've reported this thread and asked that it be deleted or shutdown, but wanted to further ask that smears of other forum members not be permitted.

I noted to a moderator privately that I've suffered from mental/emotional pain from others' insults of me and false accusations (it's as if some have doubled down on that even!) and that this sort of behavior ought not be permitted on this forum. There are too many posters/posts to even try to provide a history of things, but it's not acceptable to:

1.) falsely accuse me of being a book writer and/or troll
2.) insult/mock/attack me in some way (that's a form of psychological abuse)

I explained privately to a moderator that I've had very negative thoughts this past week and am trying hard to cope. I have a strong personal faith and would never hurt anyone to act on those thoughts, but the anger that I feel sometimes feels like it has nowhere to go (although, I know God ultimately makes things right).

I do feel one way to properly deal with that anger and channel it into productive use is to report abuse and ask for forum "justice" in stopping this sort of behavior. I will take the time, when I'm emotionally ready, to deal with some individual issues with other posters, but in the meantime, I wanted to ask that the personal attacks be stopped on this forum for their innate wrong and also because it serves no useful purpose.

I don't have a problem with the thread being shut down. It's still there for all to see. And it's still a great satirical example of the threads the OP has been posting. I think bgriffin made his point and it was a beautiful job.

Just about everyone else that still remains in this forum that has asked questions and gotten an honest answer that they didn't like in the past have just sucked it up and moved on. There may have been civil discussion and sometimes not so civil discussion at times, but running and crying to the mods when you PERCEIVE that you have been attacked (when I assure you, you have not), is childish and unacceptable behavior. I think it was Coffee Queen who made mention in a different post about owning your mistakes and that was referring to mystery shopping, but it pretty much goes with everything else in life. We all post our opinions, and saying that you (shoptastic) feel attacked because Lisa said you might want to stick with hobby shopping is downright ridiculous, and feeling attacked because someone asked you if you were writing a book...like Ninja said, nothing insulting about that. It was a question, all you had to do was say no. Going on and on about it is tiresome. And, you don't feel like you attacked the rest of the forum by insinuating we are a bunch of cheating, unethical liars? There should be no double standard here. If you can't take it, you certainly shouldn't be trying to dish it out. We've seen worse and I know at times I have posted things that others in here didn't like, but I apologized or at least extended an olive branch to others who I TRULY DID offend and we all moved on. You still have a chance to be a part of something really enjoyable and informative here in the forum if you quit the trolling behavior and quit playing the victim when there is absolutely nothing for you to be whining about.

You are being way too reasonable about the situation, JASFLALMT. The point of all this is not reasonable. The point of this is drama, lots of drama. And attention, lots of attention.

If it was not painfully obvious before, this thread should be more proof than anyone would need.

@roflwofl wrote:

The point of this is drama, lots of drama. And attention, lots of attention.

Shoptastic, do you feel your posts have made a positive contribution to the forum? I must admit, there are times, when the "Good Old Boys Club" of this forum can be somewhat overbearing, but you managed to insult every single mystery shopper. Not only those who post on here, but all who shop. I think most of us feel our integrity and objectivity are some of the most valuable assets we provide to the end client.

Your long, rambling posts make it difficult to follow your train of thought and I can't help but wonder what your narratives look like!

I will also say that while BG's post COULD be seen as very snarky and in poor taste, it was also really very good!!! It completely mirrored what most of us see in your posts.

I wish you no ill will, but really do not know what you expect and want from the forum members.

I rarely post, but felt the need to speak out.

@CoffeeQueen wrote:

Yes. A thread with "Cheating" in the title that explicity says that shoppers who don't eat enough of their food are cheating the client is a thread that is designed for a flame war. And here it is. She will say she just wanted a discussion and changed her mind. Oh yeah, after 3 days of us defending our integrity she finally changes her mind. Amazing.

@LisaSTL wrote:

I am not afraid to say it publicly. I was accused of a personal insult for suggesting he/she stick with hobby shopping. Nonsense threads are only irritating. Most of those were designed with only one thing in mind, trolling.

CoffeeQueen, et. al ...

I don't know you personally, have nothing against you, and am not trying argue for argument's sake (to create "drama" as some have described it). If you can take a leap of faith and trust that I am sincere when I say that (I know I can't force anyone to accept that, but I also don't know anything else I can do/say to convince people of my intentions), then that may be a helpful bit of background perspective.

I did not start the thread on food shops as a way to stir up antagonism in the forum, but did so because it was a genuine concern given my own past experiences of doing food shops (some mistakes I admitted to in that very thread) and also in hearing of people doing shops where they've given away the food of that shop to strangers, eaten just a small portion of it, and possibly (memory isn't so good on this part) not eating any of it at all when there might have been an explicit taste evaluation question on the surveys (note: I know of one pizza shop where I don't believe they ask for a taste eval., so it's possible even that a good amount of food shops may not even require it). My point is that I felt it was a genuine concern and question and my reminder of it was triggered when another forum member said she had done 28 food shops in a day. I mentioned before, too, that I asked the exact same question - I believe a month or two ago - in almost the exact same form/wording, but it was toward the conclusion of a thread with an unrelated topic. So, it never got answered there.

I can maybe understand someone thinking I was purposely trying to cause drama when I try to take in some of the assumptions and perspectives that others seem to have. But, I know in my own heart and mind that that was not true. It's a legitimate question in my opinion and I wanted to understand it better for both my own sake and for others (as people had been talking about something tangentially related to it).

As for me "suddenly changing my mind," I'm not sure if people were aware of this or not, but I didn't read the overwhelming majority of the comments in that thread. I've learned to protect myself from getting riled up from abusive comments toward me by quickly scanning the names of posters on the left-hand side of a thread and often passing up reading a person's comments that I know has been abusive toward me in the past. That's a method that allows me to read pertinent comments from posters I respect without having to subject myself to abuse of others. I'm not sure what was written in the thread and still don't. My very last post to JASF... alluded to that (saying I hadn't read much of it). I will read it later tonight when I have the chance. Maybe for personal pride reasons (which would be a weakness of mine) - in addition to wanting to have the truth be known - I probably care about this more than I should (i.e., wanting people to believe me). I did, in fact, change my mind upon reflecting on the topic while searching for YouTube videos, as I mentioned in that thread. If people don't want to believe that, I won't try to press the point. I sort of feel it's futile, given how strongly people hold opinions here (many of which I know are wrong in terms of their perceptions of me). I know in my heart and I know God sees in my heart truth when I say that I asked a genuine question of concern and was open to learning and changing my mind (I stated as much in the thread). When I feel there is a good explanation for something that is logical, I can accept that. I came to that conclusion when thinking about it last night. As I mentioned in that thread, what I dislike is personal insult over reasoning. I was always open to learning and changing my mind, but too often I feel people start their comments off with invective and I immediately stop reading the rest of what they have to say when that occurs. I skip past their comments. If you look at my thread title, CQ, you'll see I asked a question with a question mark and my own phrasing of things was to ask if it was an ethical thing to do. I never had any intent on accusing anyone of anything (although, if someone was doing something wrong, they should care to know if what they're doing might be against the spirit of a shop - again, it's a legitimate shopper question).

I wanted you and others to know that I can understand a bit (maybe not all) of where you're coming from, but it's been frustrating for me, because I see that many people have views of me that simply aren't true and I don't know what I can see to have people think otherwise. It's been a deep frustration, because even before discussing any issues of any sort, I sense a lot of people already have a skewed view of me.

I'll say one final thing for now, as I need to get going. Ultimately, I cannot control what others may believe or disbelieve, but I say this 100% truthfully from my heart. I didn't have a change of mind and tone (I was more calm in subsequent posts), because I feared anyone's response to me (I never read the majority of them) or because of the harsh backlash in that thread. I changed my mind through reflection and I changed my tone, because I had a chance to heal (from past hurts) and come to the table with a fresh and renewed spirit. I'm a Christian - flawed as an individual as I may be (only saved by God's grace and infinite love). I prayed for peace and that I could love those who falsely accused me and were insulting towards me. I wanted for a long time to respond to a lot of earlier posts, where people had contentions, but I had been too emotionally distraught to do so (because of so much built up insult and accusations thrown my way). I think/suspect that lack of a response may have given people the idea that I held some sort of grudge against them. That was not the case. I simply needed my own space to define the situation for myself and understand what was going on in my heart. Sort of like coming to some kind of closure with something or inner peace with it. During that time, I continued to post here too, but just ignored folks with whom I had previous problems with. I wanted to wait until I was calm and with the right spirit in my heart before responding. I prayed for the right perspective and felt more at peace with things when I came back into that thread.

That was the reason for my "softer" tone. I think in truth, that's what it's always been (I invite others to read my post history from when I first signed up through now). I didn't get this way (meaning a little "crazy" and 'emotional') over night. It happened gradually from continuous rudeness, cheap shot comments, and accusations thrown my way that were untrue and hurtful. It built up over time and that's why I became the way I did with my anger. I genuinely believe much of it was justified anger, but am open to any mistakes I may have made too. It's something I'll think about and will give a chance to correct myself on. But, as I explained, I wasn't suddenly changing my mind and tone, due to peer pressure or fear of backlash or something like that. I will do something that I believe is right no matter what others may think of me and don't fear persecution because of it. I do, however, believe that abuse is not okay and should not be allowed on this forum and that's why I didn't just sit back and take it.

@JASFLALMT wrote:

...

JASF - I appreciate you offering your perspective, as it's helped me better see how others are perceiving things. Some of the things you mentioned I can agree with right away. It's just that I haven't had the time to "fix" them and reconcile those situations. I had been meaning to, as I explained to CQ above, but needed to first be right in my spirit and heart before attempting to do so.

In some of the other examples you gave, I believe you may not know the full details/context to those incidents (some were not mentioned at all, so you may not have known that they occurred at all, as I chose to take the "higher ground" and not even respond to the insults at all when they first occurred - but will bring them up when I address some past issues in a future post). I respect yours and others views and have some agreement and some disagreement with them, but have no ill will toward you or anyone else.

It's tough, because there's so much I want to say (much of it to defend myself and give a fuller picture of things that I believe others aren't able to see at the moment), but I simply don't have the time. It nags at me, because maybe I care too much about what others think. It bothers me that I am being mischaracterized in many instances. But, alas, I can't cover everything in one sitting.

I'll simply conclude by saying that I've never had any real ill will toward anyone here, nor have I ever "trolled." I believe by playing nice in the beginning (my method of dealing with insult and confrontation is to ignore the person when I believe they're being rude) and allowing certain aggressive posters to define me that it's caused or allowed a lot of misperception to abound (like I'm a trouble-maker, troll, or intentional drama creator). If people read my threads and posts from beginning to end (when I first registered through today) with a fair mind, I believe they'd see I never was this "instigator" type that's been labeled of me (nor some of the other things I've been called).

*sigh* Some of that may be on me for allowing it. I don't know. I'm a bit too tired to think about it right now.

What I plan to do is make a final (very long) post that tries to address everything that people have talked about me recently. I shall go back and read threads that I mentally blocked out before (due to all the invective). And in one big post, I'll see if I can give people my perspective to see if that helps create better understanding.

Afterwards, I'll have said my peace and can leave it at that (it'll be a big relief on my own heart too) and not make any more issues out of it. If people decide to continue mischaracterizing me, insulting me, or maybe not believe me, then that's fine. At least I'll have done the best I could and said my peace from my own perspective. I can leave it at that. As I said, too, I'm okay with rational, intellectual disagreements. So, I won't expect agreement on everything and I am okay with that and won't take it personally. The thing I don't tolerate, nor respect is meanness and insult. And I want people to know that. Know that I have nothing against anyone. Know that I love people here (would die for them if they were in danger and I could replace my own life with their's) - even if I don't like their behavior. And know that I actually wish for people's best.

edit: My pastor used to always remind us of the difference between love and like and that's why I said what I said in my second to last sentence there. If it was weird to anyone, in Christianity, love means we wish for another's best truly and deeply. In other words, we shouldn't have hate in our attitude/heart toward them. That is love. Jesus goes further to say that the highest form of love would be willingness to die for one's neighbor. But it doesn't mean or include "like" at times. So if we feel a person is wrong - like being rude or insulting - then we can say, "I love you, but I dislike your behavior." That's what I meant.

Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2017 02:02AM by shoptastic.

Two things I've noticed about OP. First, she only responds to those who agitate her. She has yet to acknowledge anyone who provided help, or even stood up for her. She is definitely baiting certain members for an argument.

Second, she will undermine herself to further inflame a thread. In the "cheating" thread, her starting premise was that 2 bites was too little and cheated the client. Then halfway through, she slips in that she submitted a report in which she didn't even eat the burger, she gave it to her father and used his comments for her report [www.mysteryshopforum.com]. I'm sure that tidbit was just an effort to keep the diatribe going and rile people up since what she did was completely unacceptable. She did something similar in other threads, but I didn't bother to call her on it at the time.

This is the online equivalent of Munchausen syndrome--false claims of illness while performing behavior that induces the symptoms of the illness. If you decide not to toggle her, try agreeing with her all the time. When she cannot provoke a fight, she'll leave.

I think you should not worry about it and not bother writing said post. Just move on and so will everyone else. Addressing and rehashing issues are no way to move past them.

I'm not sure I understand what is going on here. I asked a simple question about a mystery shop that was confusing and stressing. Why would the OP of this thread be concerned about that? As far as I know she didn't even reply to my question and yet asked, and was successful, in having my thread closed. How? Why? What is the basis of this? Even if I had said something offensive to anyone, I certainly didn't say anything offensive to the OP. I never even insinuated anything offensive. To the OP or anyone else. Quite frankly I'm very upset that my thread was closed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the closing of the thread and the complaint by the OP has stressed me out quite a bit and made me very upset. There is nothing in my thread that is offensive. It contributed to the forum in that several people answered my confusing and stressful question and I was quite glad for the help and feedback. Additional questions were asked and answered as well. I don't understand why the thread was shut down as there were several interesting points of discussion.

To restate, this is very upsetting and stressful. The thread was closed down for no reason whatsoever. I would be grateful if someone could explain why the thread was closed? Or why the OP would complain about my thread. As a person who also asks a lot of questions I am surprised that my questions were not ones that had confused and stressed her out as well.

To put it another way, this is a stressful and upsetting. I just hope that the negativity in this discussion doesn't affect my personal life. I am concerned that I might think negative thoughts next week during my trip to London and that has added to my stress and is even more upsetting.

I do agree, however that personal attacks should not be allowed on this forum. The OP has personally attacked me by stating there was something somehow offensive and wrong in a thread I started in which she was never mentioned and no offensive remark was ever made. Talk about things being offensive.

@shoptastic wrote:

What I plan to do is make a final (very long) post

Oh sweet Jesus the internets will be broken.